Entries Tagged as 'office'

Why Facebook is sooo gonna get you fired

August 10th, 2009 · 163 Comments

Even more dangerous than friending your parents on Facebook?  Friending a) your boss and b) the cubicle-mate you kinda can’t stand.

Exhibit a)
facebook is soooo gonna get your ass fired

Exhibit b)

Whoops! Forgot I friended you!

Exhibit c)

get off facebook, por favor

And Exhibit d) (via “the Internet”)

facebook is sooo gonna get your ass fired

related: Busted by facebook

extra credit: Study says Facebook is like, totally ruining your life …and gonna get you fired [mashable]

Tags: Facebook · most popular notes of 2009 · office · oh snap

Okay, now you’re just screwing with me

August 5th, 2009 · 129 Comments

This is one of those notes I’ve spent far too long puzzling over. The frustratingly random capitalization, the misuse of/missing punctuation, the center justification, and of course, THE BOX. WHY THE BOX?

Who Broke the 8th commandment. My 2 Baby Ruth Candy Bars are missing

Sir/ma’am, I will gladly supply you with as many Baby Ruths as you can stuff down your gullet if you can reconstruct the thought process that led to this note.

related: and yet…the pink flowers?

Tags: candy · God · irregular capitalization · New York · office · stealing · WTF? · You call that punctuation?

Is drawing with MS Paint ever really necessary?

August 2nd, 2009 · 116 Comments

I didn’t think office sign illustration could get more gratuitous than this guy, but then Corinna in Seattle came through with this.

Leave the toilet seat clean and dry

(Add a few hand-drawn penises and you’ve got yourself a Perez Hilton special!)

related: maybe next time you should try power point?

Tags: bathroom · office · piss · toilet · unnecessary illustration

A lunch thief with serious balls

July 19th, 2009 · 124 Comments

Kim in Canberra says this A3-sized missive was posted in numerous locations on all four floors of her building. Of this numbered list, I’d say #3 is what puts it over the top.

On a related note:  Did you know the word “avocado” comes from the Aztec word for testicle? (Thanks, Wikipedia!)

Dear Avocado-stealer, I hope you enjoyed my avocado, the one I left (4th floor) for my lunch yesterday (Tuesday 13th May). Beyond my frustration not to find my lunch, I would like to say this: 1. I work hard to buy my food, I put effort in going to the shop to select it, why don't you? 2. If you are a

related: Who moved my cheese?

extra credit: Someone is stealing avocados, and guac cops are on the case [nytimes.com]

Tags: Australia · Canberra · college life · martyr complex · office fridge · stealing · TL;DR

Oh! Shit!

July 15th, 2009 · 168 Comments

Writes Stephanie in Lubbock, Texas: “One day at work, there were four or five of these bulletins posted above all bathroom trash cans, with an additional flyer posted in the ‘memos’ section on the bulletin board. There’s such rage in her bulletin, it’s like she personally found crap resting on a pile of paper towels.”

DO NOT PUT ANY!!! FECES IN THIS CONTAINER!!!!!!

Meanwhile, our submitter in Pennsylvania explains: “There are only three of us who use this bathroom, so obviously one of the other two people had a problem with me not adequately spraying the sickly-sweet ‘odor masker’ that doesn’t do anything other than mix with the ambient scent in the restroom to make it smell even worse than it might otherwise.”

IF YOU SHIT!! THEN YOU SPRAY!!

Adds our submitter: “Oh, also, this sign went up when I had only four days left working here. I have a pretty good idea how i’ll be ‘celebrating’ my last day.”

related: this!! is how!! you know!! we mean it!!

Tags: bathroom · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office · Pennsylvania · shit · Texas

You’re not wrong, Walter

July 13th, 2009 · 132 Comments

Writes Justin in Iowa: “This was written by a coworker of mine last winter, and covers three sides of the tissue box. The tissues are long gone, but the box was apparently worth saving, and remains on the desk five months later.”

Passive Aggressive Puffs Plus

The full text: I had a cold/cough & I decided to buy some Puffs kleenex w/ lotion. Believe it or not, they’re not cheap so I’m not sharing. But hey, they still have some at the store so you could always go buy your own you know. Seriously, only because these are a little costly I’m not sharing, otherwise, you’d be all good. But again, they’re not CHEAP! How would you feel if I used up all of your “whatever”? B/c my last box… OMG! got used up so fast & it wasn’t even by me! I was so hot about it, and I know you can afford it b/c I can. I know you’re not broke b/c you work the same place I do, am I right or am I right?

related: suck on this

Tags: Iowa · money · office · sharing is caring

I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

June 30th, 2009 · 223 Comments

This martyr alert spotted by Randy on the breakroom fridge of his office in Chico, California…

thanks a HELL of a lot for using almost ALL of my new half & half!! Now I, who gets up at 3 am to be here by 4:45 and drives almost 45 minutes w/o coffee, won't get ANY

related: Coffee, mate?

Tags: California · coffee · martyr complex · milk · office fridge · thanks (but not really)

And those Cheetos were my baby’s yellow dye #6

June 26th, 2009 · 90 Comments

This all-staff e-mail is like a fetus-sized version of one of my favorite self-righteous masterpieces. (How this one got buried in my inbox for so long, I have no idea.)

It comes to us courtesy of Jennifer in Chapel Hill, N.C., who notes: “In this instance, ‘local users,’ is everyone in our corporate HQ — including the president, vice presidents, directors, legal counsel, etc., who don’t typically utilize the refrigerator in the staff break room.”

You are welcome!

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

extra credit: STFU, Parents

 

Tags: all-staff e-mail · Moms & Dads · North Carolina · office · office fridge · preggers · runaway run-on sentences · stealing · yogurt

Soyf*ckers Anonymous

June 22nd, 2009 · 358 Comments

Spotted by our anonymous (and uninvolved) submitter on the office bulletin board at a “super mega corp” in Columbus, Ohio…where apparently a vegan “safe space” is, um, kind of in order (sob).

Vegan? Vegan, vegetarian or vegan-curious?  Casual, non-judgemental support & opportunities to connect!  Monthly meetups within the community.  JOIN NOW! The Columbus Vegan Meetup Group  Carnivore? Chances are you don't need some wimpy support group. Keep being AWESOME!

related: P.S. bacon is life

extra credit: Passive-aggressive vegan grocery cashier, a day in the life [McSweeneys]

P.S. Like this post? See more like this by following @panotes on Twitter, on Facebook, or via RSS!

Tags: clip art catastrophe · Columbus · food · most popular notes of 2009 · office · smartass

That personalized “missing jelly jar” stationery finally comes in handy…

June 10th, 2009 · 132 Comments

Extra P in Charlottesville, Virginia found this note in his office break room. He draws our attention to two sections in particular: “the ‘let there be closure’ line, which seems more appropriate for a break-up note, and the ‘mark an X if you threw it away’ part, which reminds me of grade school mash notes. Besides, what did our local kleptomaniac want with a jelly jar full of water, anyway?”

Missing jelly jar please return

related: Next time, go for the Fiji?

Missing jelly jar please return. The night before last I put a kelly jar on the dish rack full of water, to soak. It has a water tight lid. I know it doesn’t seem like something important, but I would like it back. If you have it, please bring it back. If you threw it away, please let me know so there can be closure. Thank you.

Tags: Charlottesville · office · stealing · Virginia