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Entries Tagged as 'office'

Venting machine

February 10th, 2009 · 92 Comments

If you’ve ever bought Twizzlers from a vending machine, you probably know that there’s a good one-in-three chance that one tiny corner of the plastic packaging is gonna get stuck — and bang on the glass all you want — only yielding after an extra 75 cents is inserted. Some folks, however, aren’t willing to condone that kind of stubbornness in their packaged sweets.

DO NOT BUY THE LICORICE IT DOES NOT WORK. The licorice doesn't work? No, it doesn't. It just lays around on it's mothers couch all day watching Judge Judy and collecting unemployment. (smart ass!)

related: Who’s the smartass?

Tags: Canada · CAPS LOCK · office · rebuttals · smartass · stealing · Toronto · vending machine drama

Suck on this!

February 9th, 2009 · 99 Comments

Passed along by the unfortunate hacker in question from Littleton, Colorado…

what is up with the coughing? take some drugs to take care of that, or blow your nose, or suck on a lozenge...whatever you got to do. the sound might be annoying to you, but keep in mind there are many other people in the office who have to hear that constantly.

related: Stay home!!!

Tags: Colorado · e-mail · heartwarming compassion · illness · noise · office · oh no you didn't

Mothers, lock up your crackers

February 8th, 2009 · 89 Comments

Writes Michael in St. Louis: “I’ve tried my best to figure out the logic behind writing this note and then putting the salami back in the fridge, rather than simply throwing it away…” but so far, no luck. In any case, he says, “I’m glad that it’s been saved it for posterity.”


related: Did you ever consider the possibility that…oh, never mind.

Tags: food · office fridge · St. Louis

The classic all-staff e-mail

February 5th, 2009 · 99 Comments

Shirley in Canada says one of her coworkers sent this e-mail to the entire building — several hundred people in all — after what we can only assume was an unsuccessful half-day cooling-off period. (Or perhaps just several hours spent choosing the most whimsically enraged font/color combination.)

To Whomever helped themselves to my Jarhead poster that hung in my cubicle. there are many other pictures you forgot to steal as well, along with things in drawers and foodstuffs you could have claimed as your own. I guess I'll just leave these out for you when the feeling strikes again that you'd like to pillage my cubicle for your own gain.

Meanwhile, this all-staff e-mail was sent to over 400 employees in Australia — “more than half of whom don’t even work in the same postcode.”

I'd like to thank who ever left the car magazine on my desk for me to read. That was really lovely. Thank you.

related: fight or flight

Tags: all-staff e-mail · Australia · Canada · e-mail · guilt trip · office · stealing · thanks (but not really)

Just another picture to burn

January 21st, 2009 · 74 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Pittsburgh says this note was sitting atop a copy-room filing cabinet — and a stack of 50 or so identical print-outs of the Jo Bros. “Guess someone in the office is on Team Taylor Swift!”


related: Let’s not mince words

extra credit: Taylor Swift’s passive-aggressive swipe at Joe Jonas [youtube]

Tags: ex drama · office · office supplies · Pittsburgh

Trained to eat things that would make a billy goat puke

January 15th, 2009 · 182 Comments

Dale in El Segundo, California has the thankless job of ordering office supplies, coffee and whatnot for the cube-farm where he works. Really, really thankless. This note appeared on his desk one day attached to a packet of no-sugar-added hot chocolate.

Seriously Dale, Did you think this would get past me? Sugarless Hot Chocolate will not work. Dan "When your [sic] pushed, killing is as easy as breathing" - Rambo

related: refrain/stop/discontinue

Tags: and that's an order · beverages · California · cocoa · not-so-veiled threats · office

He sounds like a real catch

January 13th, 2009 · 87 Comments

“This guy at my boyfriend’s office sent out an invite  — using the company email — for a ‘we’re single, let’s mingle party,’” says our anonymous submitter in Brookline, Mass. And apparently, this wasn’t the first time.

Another invite to a party that most of your probably won't show up to

Even funnier than the subject line, our submitter adds, was the party dress code: business casual.

related: You were warned never to push Carrie to the limits

Tags: all-staff e-mail · cry me a freaking river · e-mail · it's my party · Massachusetts · office


January 11th, 2009 · 89 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Cleveland found this note taped to the office paper shredder. “My first thought was, ‘Wow, this person has issues deeper than the full shredder.’”


related: Especially Deborah

Tags: Cleveland · crazypants · exclamation-point happy!!!! · high on highlighter · office · Ohio · spelling and grammar police

And a Happy New Year to you!

January 2nd, 2009 · 41 Comments

Just a humble suggestion for 2009…

Why don't you make your New Years resolution learning how to park?

(Spotted by Charles in Minneapolis)

Tags: holiday spirit · Minneapolis/St. Paul · Minnesota · office · parking

The pointed politics of spoon ownership

December 13th, 2008 · 63 Comments

The spoon may lack the aggressive physique of its more acute brethren, the knife and fork, but make no mistake: it is the passive-aggressive utensil of choice.

Why else would these spoons, spotted by Melissa at her office in Harlingen, Texas, be assuming a leadership position among this group of discontented silverware? We received word of this neglect on December 3, and can only speculate as to how furious the spoons were forced to become before getting the attention they deserve.

We the spoons, in order to form a more crusty union ...

This kind of spoon-related standoff is hardly an isolated occurence, however…as Garett witnessed with this bulletin board display of spoon-napping from the local community center.

Becky Wants her Spoon!

related post: the silverware segregationist

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · office · spoons · visual aids