Entries Tagged as 'office'

Also, Santa hates you

December 12th, 2013 · 165 Comments

Writes our submitter from Portland, Oregon: “People steal out of the fridge all the time, so I’m not sure why someone thought money would be safe taped to barbecue sauce.”

Happy Holidays Co-Workers! Are you $2 richer? Did you find $2 taped to a bottle of BBQ sauce in the fridge? Well that means you are a thief! Also Santa hates you and I hope a Reinder poops on you. Merry Christmas you dirty animal!

related: I hope you…

Tags: Christmas · holiday spirit · money · most popular notes of 2013 · office fridge · stealing

Excuse me, this is my private public bathroom

December 5th, 2013 · 125 Comments

Our submitter from Washington state found this note in one of the restrooms in her office building.”The toothbrushes and mouthwash have been there for a few weeks,” she says. “I’m not sure why they’re there or who posted the note, but I appreciate the incredulous tone.”

Is this a staff collection of tooth brushes? WHAT IS HAPPENING!?

I don’t really have anything against brushing your teeth at the office, but between yesterday’s note and today’s, I’m starting to wonder if “public restroom” means something different to people on the West Coast. This posting from a Los Angeles-based Yelp user only deepened my suspicions:

The Office Bathroom: a home away from home?

related: “You are not fit to use a public toilet, you filthy mutt.”

extra credit: The Office Bathroom: Now a Home Away From Home [forbes.com]

Tags: bathroom · hygiene · office · Washington state

The potluck pedant

November 26th, 2013 · 91 Comments

Writes our submitter in Washington state: “Shortly after our holiday party signup sheet was posted, this gentle reminder appeared, taped over the word ‘potluck.’ So far, no one has been brave enough to sign up for anything.”

(Because, you know, the best kind of potluck is six bags of chips, three plates of cookies, a one liter bottle of soda, and some plastic forks.)

1. pot luck used in reference to a situation in which one must take a chance that whatever is available will prove to be good or acceptable.  This is not a potluck if you have to sign up to bring something.

related: THE POTLUCK THEME IS MONGOLIA[N] BBQ!!!!!

extra credit: Potluck fear and loathing [latimes.com]

Tags: holiday spirit · most popular notes of 2013 · obnoxious definition · office cop · party planning committee

Four horsemen…and a microwave

October 15th, 2013 · 25 Comments

Rachel in California says the breakroom at her office hasn’t caused many problems in the past, but a recent wave of new hires has changed that. “The last time I opened the microwave it was stuffed with paper towels, the walls were slathered in orange goop, and it smelled like rotting horse flesh.” (In other words, like a frozen lasagna from Tesco?)

Is this a post-apocalyptic world where the blacks and whites of morality have blurred into a hazy grey and every man takes care of himself and only himself? No? Then CLEAN THE MICROWAVE AFTER YOU USE IT!

related: Someday, when society has all but crumbled around you…

Tags: California · cleaning · microwave · office

My bowels are irritable, and so am I!

October 3rd, 2013 · 31 Comments

Writes our submitter in Alabama: “After the both men’s rooms in our office suffered from some serious anal explosions, our boss sent around an accusatory email,” which everyone in the office assumed was directed toward a particular coworker, Dan. “Dan vehemently maintains his innocence,” our submitter says, “and in an effort to ‘prove’ it, he posted this note above one of the desecrated toilets.”

IF YOU CLOG UP THIS TOILET AND DO NOT UNCLOG IT, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN, AND PUT THE  DIRTY PLUNGER ON YOUR DESK.  I'M TIRED OF TAKING SHIT FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIT. -DAN

related: A diarrhea-only toilet?

Tags: all clogged up · not-so-veiled threats · office · shit · toilet

Roaches can’t read

September 23rd, 2013 · 23 Comments

Well, he has a point.

This is the second / 3rd morning I have entered the kitchen and seen a roach. Part of the problem I am sure, is the lack of respect when it comes to taking care of this shared space. Dishes should be washed and not left with food on them to fester. Whoever leaves dishes in the sink for days in a row can fish them out of the garbage prior to next use. You're welcome.  While I agree that dishes in the sink are gross and inconsiderate use of our shared space (and I always rinse mine), a better strategy might be to call facilities and let them know of the insect issue as cockroaches can't read your passive aggressive notes.  Just saying.

…but then again, what good passive-aggresive note pays attention to silly things like “reason” or “logic”?

Let this be a warning to you roach M.F.ers!

related: An academic epidemic

Tags: dishes · office · rebuttals · warning

Ever wondered what it would be like sharing an office with William Carlos Williams?

September 8th, 2013 · 54 Comments

First with the plums, now lemons? Seriously, Bill?

I hope you enjoyed the half lemon I had just taken out of the fridge. Next time buy your own. We all Work for ourselves not to feed Strangers.

And by the way, I’d like my red wheelbarrow back, please. (So much depends upon it, after all.)

HELP YOURSELF But NOT to the Wheelbarrow (like last year) please!

(Thanks to our submitters Sarah in NYC and Steve in the U.K.)

related: What rhymes with putrid?

extra credit: This Is Just to Say

Tags: food · New York · office fridge · pure poetry · stealing

Raging against the (vending) machine

August 28th, 2013 · 19 Comments

Writes Katy in Tampa: “The vending machines in my office are old, and they eat someone’s money at least once a week. The vending machine guy told us to put a sticky on the machine saying how much money you lost and he’ll refund it when he comes to fill the machine. Apparently the machine was hungry this week.”

Um...You might want to stop putting money in here!  Just a thought.

So, that was two weeks ago. Katy just wrote again with a follow-up: “Since the vending machine company has ignored our pleas to fix the machine, the notes just keep on coming.”

  I didn't lose any money, I just want to feel included. I didn't lose any money also, but I need to make my car payment - $275.00 Skip

related: The Candyman Can’t

Tags: money · office · smartass · Tampa · vending machine drama

Lean a little bit closer and see what roses really smell like

August 26th, 2013 · 46 Comments

This is you say, “You think your shit don’t stank?” in Southern-ese. (An added “Bless your heart!” is always a nice touch, too.)

If you are having gastro intestinal distress please do not use this powder room. We have a luncheon today!

related: A diarrhea-only toilet?

Tags: odor · office · painfully polite · toilet

Well, this sucks.

August 25th, 2013 · 24 Comments

Danny works for a small print company in London. “Our lovely cleaner only comes in once a week, so it falls upon the rest of us to keep the office neat and tidy.” Danny says that, judging from this creation — made up hundreds of punched paper holes — “I’ve got a feeling that someone feels that they are doing more than their fair share.”

HOOVER

related: Could somebody less important than me take care of this?

Tags: cleaning · London · office