Entries Tagged as 'office'

it’s not, like, rocket science

October 25th, 2007 · 124 Comments

aarwenn from seattle found this note in her office’s cafeteria, which she says is a hot spot for bad writers with passive-aggressive issues. “of course,” she says, “here at Large Aerospace Company, a lot of us have ‘issues.’”

Tags: fun with euphemism · garbage · just wondering · office · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · unnecessary "quotation marks"

“You should know it can come back and bite you in the ass.”

October 22nd, 2007 · 142 Comments

This exercise in how not to get a job is brought to us by an anonymous submitter in Kansas City. The worst part? Before sending this e-mail, this guy was actually in the top five.

Dan, Thought I would hear from you this week. I guess no interest. Part of the deal in life is you make commitments and stick to them, particularly   in the sales process. It really is quite alarming these days that companies such as yours cannot adhere to basic ethics. Such a shame. I guess that's why you'll always be that straight line with no growth. Too bad. At some point you have to look at yourselves and say we are so happy with 35 accounts or do we want to jump to the next level. I no [sic] my experience 25 year old kids won't get you there. You have to invest in ability. I don't know that much about you guys, except what I have researched. My suggestion is in the long term bring in people who have the knowledge, ability and relationship superiority to win. And also, don't blow off the people who tried. You guys should know it can come back and bite you in the ass. Some of us have a rather large influence.

Tags: "helpful" advice · e-mail · Kansas City · office · spelling and grammar police

If the TSA was in charge of the office fridge?

October 21st, 2007 · 244 Comments

Our anonymous submitter spotted this note posted by a coworker on the office fridge.

When asked about the note, this coworker described himself as someone “with a penchant for an orderly universe and a strong desire to see food mingle.”

If the TSA was in charge of the office fridge

related: Cubicle etiquette

Tags: a little uptight · excessive underlining · inappropriate italics · let's try · office · office cop · office fridge · oh snap · San Diego

This shit is bananas

October 11th, 2007 · 96 Comments

Our anonymous submitter dutifully passes along this company-wide farewell e-mail, but says: “I have no idea what’s he’s talking about. Holla!”

It's been, umm, an interesting three years.

related: the farewell email to end all farewell emails

Tags: "helpful" advice · Dallas/Fort Worth · e-mail · farewell letter · office · spelling and grammar police

Can I lick it?

October 8th, 2007 · 98 Comments

No, you can’t  — at least not near the copy machine at Erin’s office in Indianapolis.

Please use the sticky finger & not saliva

Meanwhile, Alvaro’s office in Madrid is having licking issues of its own near the office coffee machine. (Translation: “Please do not lick this teaspoon/ it’s for collective use.”)

Please do not lick this teaspoon; it's for collective use

And the licking doesn’t stop there…

PUBLIC NOTICE: PLEASE REFRAIN FROM LICKING OUR WINDOWS

Do not Lick Pressurized Lumber

DO NOT LICK

DO NOT LICK FENCE

P.S. Before you leave, please wipe your feet really good on the rhythm rug.

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Espanol · Indianapolis · licking · Madrid · office · Spain

Dr. Freud’s Salon Scatologica

September 30th, 2007 · 99 Comments

Presenting, for your analysis, this anonymous contribution from a hair salon in Bettendorf, Iowa (pop. 32,394). For the scatologically inclined vandal (and for Putz’s owner) the unconscious issues at play appear to be anything but borderline. College psych majors: care to address which stage of psychosexual development is associated with passive-aggressiveness?

To the Poop Planting Bandit

related: I can’t stand this shit anymore

UPDATE: Here’s a little more backstory on the situation from our note’s submitter. (Warning: this might confuse more than it illuminates.)

the owner of a salon i work at posted this for the individual that had placed dog poop in the corridor that is shared by other businesses. they left the feces in the hallway shortly after her and her st. bernard, putz, arrived to work. putz goes everywhere with her. for the past eight months he’s grown tremendously, and his massive size at this point has freaked out other store owners. putz sleeps in the back room and he has suburb potty training skills — and his owner always picks up after him.

the landlord approached her [re: the feces in the hallway] and said he was very bothered by the possible health code concern. he later told her not to worry about it, seeing how it was totally impossible for putz to let himself out the back door, take a dump in the corridor, then turn around and open the door to let himself back in.

someone kept tearing down her note, so she added the written message at the bottom.

Tags: dogs · Freudian shit · Iowa · office · rebuttals · shit

No sarcasm left behind

September 27th, 2007 · 195 Comments

Our anonymous contributor works part-time at a large, “troubled” high school in Milwaukee. Today, while making some copies, she found this anonymous wonder.

To: Staff Re: Hallways during lunch hours Do not expect the hallways to improve during lunch hours under the current administration. It's been going on for 3 years and is not about to change anytime soon. Do you wonder why you never see the Principal in the halls? I guess it's better to be blind to the situation that to have to come up with a policy to improve the conditions. Now let's get those test scores up and forget about school climate. Forget about low morale and a good working environment — get those test scores up! P.S. And don't forget to give you advocacy kids a BIG HUG today and everyday [sic]!

Tags: Milwaukee · office · raging against the machine · sarcasm · schools & teachers

Just in case you didn’t catch the sarcasm…

September 26th, 2007 · 94 Comments

Sounds like somebody in this Seattle office is havin’ a little ‘roid rage.

If you are going to drink my muscle milk, why dont you go ahead and drink all, there is no point to drink part of it and leave behind about 1/3 of the bottle...  IN OTHER WORDS...DON'T DRINK IT!, BUT I WILL FIND OUT WHO DRINK IT WHEN I SEE YOU ACTING STRANGE...read the content before u become steril.....thanks.

What’s Muscle Milk, you ask? Well, say its makers, “Muscle Milk is arguably America’s favorite protein.” Apparently because unlike, say, chicken, Muscle Milk comes in flavors like “egg nog,” “chocolate banana crunch” and “root beer float.”

related: Try a bite

Tags: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · Comic Sans Alert · ellipses-crazed · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · sarcasm · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · stealing

Are you there, Margaret? God, could you be any more disgusting?

September 20th, 2007 · 335 Comments

Mona in Los Angeles brings us this pair of notes from her high-rise Century City office building.  Says Mona, “Apparently my co-worker saw the panties at issue. My question is…who leaves their panties in the bathroom at work?  Who does that?”

My question: Why are we letting Paris and Britney off the hook? If they actually remember to wear them, shouldn’t we encourage keeping them on?

some sound advice

And then there’s this one, which brings up the old mad bomber-era debate about which gender leaves the bathrooms in worse shape.

are you there, margaret? god, clean up after yourself already!


Tags: "helpful" advice · attire · bathroom · bodily fluids · CAPS LOCK · cleaning · danger · excessive underlining · group bitchfest · hygiene · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2007 · office · that's disgusting

Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler

September 19th, 2007 · 265 Comments

Attention: corporate emergency in the Chicagoland area!

but then they switched from the swingline to the boston stapler

Meanwhile, in Seattle…

thank you so much for your collaborations

Adds our anonymous submitter, “All the glassware for all departments is washed by the poor lab slaves at least twice a day, and then promptly returned to the shelves. How much glassware are they using that they notice if a beaker or two went missing?”

Tags: a little uptight · and that's an order · Chicago · crazy boss · excessive underlining · not-so-veiled threats · office · office supplies · Seattle · spelling and grammar police