Entries Tagged as 'office'

If the TSA was in charge of the office fridge?

October 21st, 2007 · 244 Comments

Our anonymous submitter spotted this note posted by a coworker on the office fridge.

When asked about the note, this coworker described himself as someone “with a penchant for an orderly universe and a strong desire to see food mingle.”

If the TSA was in charge of the office fridge

related: Cubicle etiquette

Tags: a little uptight · excessive underlining · inappropriate italics · let's try · office · office cop · office fridge · oh snap · San Diego

This shit is bananas

October 11th, 2007 · 96 Comments

Our anonymous submitter dutifully passes along this company-wide farewell e-mail, but says: “I have no idea what’s he’s talking about. Holla!”

It's been, umm, an interesting three years.

related: the farewell email to end all farewell emails

Tags: "helpful" advice · Dallas/Fort Worth · e-mail · farewell letter · office · spelling and grammar police

Can I lick it?

October 8th, 2007 · 98 Comments

No, you can’t  — at least not near the copy machine at Erin’s office in Indianapolis.

Please use the sticky finger & not saliva

Meanwhile, Alvaro’s office in Madrid is having licking issues of its own near the office coffee machine. (Translation: “Please do not lick this teaspoon/ it’s for collective use.”)

Please do not lick this teaspoon; it's for collective use

And the licking doesn’t stop there…

PUBLIC NOTICE: PLEASE REFRAIN FROM LICKING OUR WINDOWS

Do not Lick Pressurized Lumber

DO NOT LICK

DO NOT LICK FENCE

P.S. Before you leave, please wipe your feet really good on the rhythm rug.

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Espanol · Indianapolis · licking · Madrid · office · Spain

Dr. Freud’s Salon Scatologica

September 30th, 2007 · 99 Comments

Presenting, for your analysis, this anonymous contribution from a hair salon in Bettendorf, Iowa (pop. 32,394). For the scatologically inclined vandal (and for Putz’s owner) the unconscious issues at play appear to be anything but borderline. College psych majors: care to address which stage of psychosexual development is associated with passive-aggressiveness?

To the Poop Planting Bandit

related: I can’t stand this shit anymore

UPDATE: Here’s a little more backstory on the situation from our note’s submitter. (Warning: this might confuse more than it illuminates.)

the owner of a salon i work at posted this for the individual that had placed dog poop in the corridor that is shared by other businesses. they left the feces in the hallway shortly after her and her st. bernard, putz, arrived to work. putz goes everywhere with her. for the past eight months he’s grown tremendously, and his massive size at this point has freaked out other store owners. putz sleeps in the back room and he has suburb potty training skills — and his owner always picks up after him.

the landlord approached her [re: the feces in the hallway] and said he was very bothered by the possible health code concern. he later told her not to worry about it, seeing how it was totally impossible for putz to let himself out the back door, take a dump in the corridor, then turn around and open the door to let himself back in.

someone kept tearing down her note, so she added the written message at the bottom.

Tags: dogs · Freudian shit · Iowa · office · rebuttals · shit

No sarcasm left behind

September 27th, 2007 · 195 Comments

Our anonymous contributor works part-time at a large, “troubled” high school in Milwaukee. Today, while making some copies, she found this anonymous wonder.

To: Staff Re: Hallways during lunch hours Do not expect the hallways to improve during lunch hours under the current administration. It's been going on for 3 years and is not about to change anytime soon. Do you wonder why you never see the Principal in the halls? I guess it's better to be blind to the situation that to have to come up with a policy to improve the conditions. Now let's get those test scores up and forget about school climate. Forget about low morale and a good working environment — get those test scores up! P.S. And don't forget to give you advocacy kids a BIG HUG today and everyday [sic]!

Tags: Milwaukee · office · raging against the machine · sarcasm · schools & teachers

Just in case you didn’t catch the sarcasm…

September 26th, 2007 · 94 Comments

Sounds like somebody in this Seattle office is havin’ a little ‘roid rage.

If you are going to drink my muscle milk, why dont you go ahead and drink all, there is no point to drink part of it and leave behind about 1/3 of the bottle...  IN OTHER WORDS...DON'T DRINK IT!, BUT I WILL FIND OUT WHO DRINK IT WHEN I SEE YOU ACTING STRANGE...read the content before u become steril.....thanks.

What’s Muscle Milk, you ask? Well, say its makers, “Muscle Milk is arguably America’s favorite protein.” Apparently because unlike, say, chicken, Muscle Milk comes in flavors like “egg nog,” “chocolate banana crunch” and “root beer float.”

related: Try a bite

Tags: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · Comic Sans Alert · ellipses-crazed · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · sarcasm · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · stealing

Are you there, Margaret? God, could you be any more disgusting?

September 20th, 2007 · 335 Comments

Mona in Los Angeles brings us this pair of notes from her high-rise Century City office building.  Says Mona, “Apparently my co-worker saw the panties at issue. My question is…who leaves their panties in the bathroom at work?  Who does that?”

My question: Why are we letting Paris and Britney off the hook? If they actually remember to wear them, shouldn’t we encourage keeping them on?

some sound advice

And then there’s this one, which brings up the old mad bomber-era debate about which gender leaves the bathrooms in worse shape.

are you there, margaret? god, clean up after yourself already!


Tags: "helpful" advice · attire · bathroom · bodily fluids · CAPS LOCK · cleaning · danger · excessive underlining · group bitchfest · hygiene · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2007 · office · that's disgusting

Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler

September 19th, 2007 · 265 Comments

Attention: corporate emergency in the Chicagoland area!

but then they switched from the swingline to the boston stapler

Meanwhile, in Seattle…

thank you so much for your collaborations

Adds our anonymous submitter, “All the glassware for all departments is washed by the poor lab slaves at least twice a day, and then promptly returned to the shelves. How much glassware are they using that they notice if a beaker or two went missing?”

Tags: a little uptight · and that's an order · Chicago · crazy boss · excessive underlining · not-so-veiled threats · office · office supplies · Seattle · spelling and grammar police

At least it wasn’t “Grand Valse”

September 16th, 2007 · 191 Comments

According to a 2006 Harris poll, office-workers say annoying ringtones are one of their biggest pet peeves — second only to office loud talkers. So I’m actually surprised we haven’t seen more notes like this one, which Flickr’s Heather Champ found taped to her (chirping) cell phone once upon a time.

ringtone.jpg

What’s your pick for the most obnoxious ringtone award?

Tags: cell phone · Mobile · more aggressive than passive · office · San Francisco · Yahoo

Two points for chutzpah, but zero for originality

September 11th, 2007 · 100 Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter in Corte Madera, California: “We have a lot of passive-aggressive notes up around the office, and most of them are addressed to the entire office staff in common areas. You can imagine my surprise when after eating lunch and going out for a smoke break with some coworkers today, we came back to find a bit of passive-aggressiveness on our lunch table — not 15 minutes after we had left it. Grrrrr.”

Clean up after your eat. (Wipe the food off the table and put the chairs back where they belong.) Just like the kitchen, Your mother doesn't work here either.

More choice guilt-trips from this office — including yet another “your mother doesn’t work here” note, follow.

This is a trashcan. It is not a recycling bin. If you turn around, you will find the recycling bin sandwiched between the fridge and the coffee pot. There is really no excuse not to recycle with it's so accessible. You're keeping waste out of landfills and taking a small step to help save the environment.

Note to self: If it's too hard for you to close these doors, maybe you shouldn't be opening them. (Ooo, sassy!)

Wash your dishes & silverware please, your mom doesn't work here

related: Your mother doesn’t work here (or here, or here, or here)

Tags: California · CAPS LOCK · cleaning · dishes · garbage · guilt trip · kitchen · Moms & Dads · office · oh snap · opening/closing · recycling · spelling and grammar police · The Earth · visual aids · Your mother doesn't...