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Entries Tagged as 'office'

Lean a little bit closer and see what roses really smell like

August 26th, 2013 · 46 Comments

This is you say, “You think your shit don’t stank?” in Southern-ese. (An added “Bless your heart!” is always a nice touch, too.)

If you are having gastro intestinal distress please do not use this powder room. We have a luncheon today!

related: A diarrhea-only toilet?

Tags: odor · office · painfully polite · toilet

Well, this sucks.

August 25th, 2013 · 24 Comments

Danny works for a small print company in London. “Our lovely cleaner only comes in once a week, so it falls upon the rest of us to keep the office neat and tidy.” Danny says that, judging from this creation — made up hundreds of punched paper holes — “I’ve got a feeling that someone feels that they are doing more than their fair share.”

HOOVER

related: Could somebody less important than me take care of this?

Tags: cleaning · London · office

Failure to Yeild

August 14th, 2013 · 81 Comments

“My spelling skills are a perpetual work in progress,” admits Kelly in Calgary. “When I told my sticky-note-happy coworker about my most recent spelling mistake caught by my boss, she decided to take action.”

YIELD — i before e except after c...bla bla blah — yIELd - IE  — yield yield yield

related: A personal pet peive

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · Calgary · i before e · office · smartass · spelling and grammar police

The Office Fridge Obituaries

August 13th, 2013 · 36 Comments

Writes our submitter in Australia: “Our office has been quite settled for the past few years without any issues, but recently fridge items have started to go missing. I’ve lost my own odd pieces of lunch to our unknown thief, so I sympathise completely.”

Tzatziki dip 12.08.2013-12.08-2013  Tzatziki dip, affectionately known as

related: Dear ‘Desperate for Salad’

Tags: Australia · office fridge · sad face · stealing

Did someone page the office fat police?

August 8th, 2013 · 196 Comments

“There has always been candy on the secretary’s desk at work,” writes Dennis in Louisiana, “but “someone recently moved in to the office who does not need to be eating any candy. I think the message here is pretty clear.”

Did someone page the office fat police?

related: This is a candy-optional office

Tags: actions speak louder · candy · hey fatty · mean girls · office · public shaming · way harsh

The nuts and bolts of soda pop safety

July 23rd, 2013 · 88 Comments

Stephen in Maryland build this contraption after his sixth or seventh soda was stolen out of the office fridge. “My boss told me there was nothing I or he could do about it,” Stephen says, but he thought he’d give it a shot anyway. “I went a little overboard,” he admits, “But so far, no one’s been able to defeat the system.”

Like The Club® anti-theft device for the Office Fridge

related: Creative approaches to food thievery

Tags: beverages · Maryland · most popular notes of 2013 · office fridge · stealing

Are you lost?

July 17th, 2013 · 73 Comments

Apparently everyone is “doing it wrong,” says our submitter in Colorado.

In case you're confused, you've entered an office building bathroom, not a port-o-let at Coachella in July. That green handle on the side flushes all material down that nifty little porcelain hole. And there's no limit on how many times you can flush. It is possible to make sure all material makes its way to Denver Water, rather than making your co-workers deal with your spent meatloaf dinner from last night before they have to pee. Another tip: If the bowl and seat aren't sparkling white as you go to open the door, you're doing it wrong. Let's treat this bathroom like a professional office environment, and not like a meth lab bathroom in Greeley.

related: THIS IS NOT A METH LAB

Tags: "helpful" advice · Colorado · most popular notes of 2013 · office · toilet

Say it over and over until you get it right: BOYS

June 30th, 2013 · 50 Comments

Our submitter in Peoria, Illinois says one of the sales reps at his office is known for posting crazy notes like this all over the office. “He might have some anger management issues,” our submitter adds.

Don't say "I WAS calling you"..... its "i AM calling you ..." Was is past tense - meaning you already did it. Example: I was sleeping, I was thinking of you. I am is present tense NOW was is past tense!

There is no such word as BOYS'S its BOYS. Do you say girls's or kids's or any other word that ends in the letter s now say it over and over til you get it right: boys

related: If there were ever a time to hold your red pen…

Tags: Illinois · office · office cop · spelling and grammar police

The stars of the office petri dish

June 27th, 2013 · 72 Comments

I can’t decide between the cheese and the soup. Who do you think deserves the prize?

Food Hygiene Award Contestants: The pizza roll? The soup? The milk? The cheese? The tomato? The tuna?

related: What rhymes with putrid?

Tags: food · Melbourne · office fridge

Free creamer!

June 26th, 2013 · 43 Comments

Writes our submitter in Florida: “My husband walked into his office breakroom to find this note. He immediately went back to his desk to write a response, but by the time he made it back to the fridge, he found that someone else had beat him to it.”

If you want to borrow my creamer PLEASE ask!!! Do not take it upon yourself to take it!!!

FREE CREAMER! Just grab out of bag

related: Coffee, mate?

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · Florida · office fridge · smartass