Entries Tagged as 'office'

Free creamer!

June 26th, 2013 · 43 Comments

Writes our submitter in Florida: “My husband walked into his office breakroom to find this note. He immediately went back to his desk to write a response, but by the time he made it back to the fridge, he found that someone else had beat him to it.”

If you want to borrow my creamer PLEASE ask!!! Do not take it upon yourself to take it!!!

FREE CREAMER! Just grab out of bag

related: Coffee, mate?

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · Florida · office fridge · smartass

Sorry, I can’t hear you over all the chattering appliances

June 25th, 2013 · 93 Comments

Our submitter in Fort Collins, Colorado was a bit taken aback at the site of this local business’s breakroom. “The level of commitment dedicared to naming and creating backstories for the appliances was…mindboggling,” she says.

Indeed, my mind has been boggled.

Hello! We are the [redacted] break room appliances provided by [redacted] and we would like to introduce ourselves. Hello, I'm Mike the Microwave and I am the newest appliance to join the [redacted] Break Room team, replacing Monroe who retired. Hey there, my name is Collin and I'm the Coffee Machine. Howdy, Dante the Dishwasher here! Hi, I'm the big guy in the corner, Ramone the Refrigerator. Most of us have been here for a long time and we are thankful that [redacted] has provided us for your convenience and use. However since we are aging, we need a bit more TLC so each of us has written a little synopsis of how you can help us maintain our integrity and continue to work as best we can. We appreciate you being considerate of all persons who wish to use us. Thanks and please HELP us with our individual needs.

Mike, Collin, & the kitchen gang

Dante the Dishwasher

Collin the Coffee Machine

Mike the Microwave

related: The Needy Little Dishwasher

Tags: anthropomorphism · blitzkrieg approach · clip art catastrophe · Colorado · dishwasher · fridge · kitchen · microwave · office · TL;DR

Oh look, Reddit exploded in the kitchen.

June 19th, 2013 · 46 Comments

STAHP.

Kitchen signs are the best! SMALL KITCHEN SIGNS ARE BETTER. I disagree. I made a kitchen sign but I eated it. If you are the making coffee first thing in the morning, please rinse out the coffee pot. Thank you. Every time you use the last paper towel and don't replace the roll, a kitten cries (and then gets eaten slowly by a hungry, endangered polar bear. The new rolls are located in the cabinet behind you. Please replace it when necessary. Thanks...from the kittens. (The polar bears? Not so much. Still hungry.)

Every time you use the last paper towel and don't replace the roll, a kitten cries (and then gets eaten slowly by a hungry, endangered polar bear. The new rolls are located in the cabinet behind you. Please replace it when necessary. Thanks...from the kittens. (The polar bears? Not so much. Still hungry.)

related: The Internet is leaking.

Tags: cats · kitchen · Los Angeles · note wars · office · shameless meme-mongering

No problem — ’twas a piece of a cake!

June 18th, 2013 · 91 Comments

“Our organization recently moved most of its employees from several small offices into one large office,” writes our submitter in Vancouver. “It only took five months for the kitchen conflict to ramp up into a full-blown note war.”

thank you for helping yourself to half of my birthday cake....I guess I didn't need the whole cake to share with my friends and coworkers anyways. ...and happy birthday to you too!

To the leaver of the cake: You're very welcome.

...and someone helped themselves to one of my steam buns (leftovers) in a takeout box but I have a bad cold so they'll get the bad karma back.

related: Let the rest of us eat cake.

Tags: birthday · cake · karma's a bitch · note wars · office fridge · stealing · thanks (but not really) · Vancouver

Please don’t feed the engineers

June 11th, 2013 · 19 Comments

At first glance, I definitely thought was one of those “don’t feed the zoo animals” signs. But then, whoa, an Aussie 180! Roz in Perth says the “fairly militant kitchen brigade” at her office posts notes like this all over the kitchen.

Did you know?  1. Ge[c]kos and other reptiles need to lay on top of rocks to keep warm 2. Plates, cups, spoons and forks aren't reptiles.  They are subterranean creatures that need to be deep down inside cupboards and drawers. Thanks for washing & putting away your subterranean creatures!

related: The saddest zoo in the world

Tags: Australia · dishes · office

Vomiting for dummies

June 10th, 2013 · 71 Comments

Mike spotted this in one of the restrooms at his Atlanta office. As amused as he was by the snarky comment-ALL CAPS-clip art combo, “I can’t say I disagree with the note,” says Mike. “That’s just gross.”

PLEASE DO NOT THROW UP IN OUR SINKS a sign like this shouldn't be necessary in a professional office environment Proper way to throw up Please remember to flush after you vomit. And to the person that did that in the sink and didn't even bother to clean it up, WHY DON'T YOU JUST WORK FROM HOME, YOU BIG LOSER! AS OF MAY 29, 2013 THIS HAS NOW HAPPENED AT LEAST 3 TIMES in 2 weeks on this floor! STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY!

related: Don’t vom in the urinals, either

Tags: Atlanta · bathroom · clip art catastrophe · most popular notes of 2013 · office · vomit

With some fava beans and a nice Chianti

June 9th, 2013 · 24 Comments

“It would appear my co-worker is sensitive to her plant being moved,” writes Claire in the U.K.

Move this plant and i will eat your liver. Love Jess xx

Meanwhile, in New York…

To the person that leaves a disgusting mess on the seat. If you don't stop, this person will find you and eat your liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti. So cut it out!

And in Baltimore…

PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH This is BBQ HUMAN meat and by eating this you are admitting to the office that you are a cannibal

related: Pigs do not eat bacon

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · moving/not moving · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · toilet

Please use *this* version of the alphabet

June 5th, 2013 · 47 Comments

But…but…where is Elemenopee?

Please use THIS VERSION of the alphabet when filing away orders. All other versions of the alphabet aren't as updated as this version. :) Thank you!

Contrary to popular belief, the alphabet still goes: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z and I don't see them changing it anytime soon. Please pay attention when stocking product.

(Thanks to Erika in California, Angela in Illinois, and Victoria in Texas for submitting.)

"Alphabetizing chart"

related: A recipe for passive-aggressiveness

 

Tags: obnoxious definition · office · smartass

Drink my Coca-Cola…and the terrorists win

June 1st, 2013 · 70 Comments

Ana in Kentucky spotted this epic on the faculty fridge at the school where she works.

Dear Coke-I-leave-on-the-door-thief, As a child who grew up in the depression era, I come from humble beginnings. I have learned to take pleasures in the simple things in life; the river, the trees in spring, the wonderment in children's eyes...As I move forward through another morning, my caffeine deprived brain and I ponder silently the consequences of your actions. Have you no pride? Have you no shame? As a part time Aid and Para Professional, my compensation for said duties is not as lucrative or rewarding as the joy my heart feels when a student finally reaches their potential academically, spiritually, and emotionally. I beg you, kind sir or ma'am, to consider the effects your actions have on my ability to produce God-fearing citizens of this democracy. May I suggest that you help yourself to any of the half-empty Sprite bottles or outdated rotten apples that I tend to leave in the same general vicinity as my valued Coke product? May you never feel the pain of eating peanut butter at 10am and having nothing to drink except something called

related: Take my last Diet Coke from the fridge and I WILL cut you.

Tags: Coke · Kentucky · Louisville · most popular notes of 2013 · office fridge · schools & teachers · stealing · TL;DR · Won't somebody think of the children?

Sincerely, Plastic Bag

May 29th, 2013 · 86 Comments

I know this note has like, a lot of words in it, but seriously, all I see is wah wah wah.

An open letter to refrigerate-ers: Okay....YOU. The one who has a thermally-efficient backpack of a lunch bag. Really? Really? I bet's it's totally convenient, because no matter what you are bringing for lunch, you've got enough room in that thing, amiright? Plus it probably keeps your stuff nice and cool; yeah, specially designed for that. Close your eyes and imagine for a moment that you are going through airport security. If TSA size regulations require that your put that thing through the baggage scanner by itself, it probably doesn't belong in a refrigerator. I promise you there is enough empty space in there to hold an ice pack, which will get your leftovers through the lean hours between home and lunch quite nicely. I know this, because every time I have to extract it and plan an impromptu solo game of countertop Jenga, just so I can see into the refrigerator to find my super thin grocery store plastic bag with only my cold items it in, I can tell you've maybe used half the space you are taking up. Friendly suggestion...go on using that thing to keep your tasty morsels cold on the way to work, maybe even at your desk, but consider adding a more reasonably-sized extra layer of container around the guts inside of the monster, and putting that smaller package in the community refrigerator. (There are Sharpies in the supply closet if you need visual cues which lunch bundle is yours.) Bonus - less material in here makes it colder for everyone. That can of Coke you've got tastes better when it's had room to breathe.

related: Dear “Desperate for Salad”

Tags: Chicago · office fridge · TL;DR