Entries Tagged as 'office'

Tacky, you say?

May 15th, 2013 · 35 Comments

Explains our submitter in Chicago: “Colleague A left the following note — an attempt to enforce an ambigious personal space decoration policy via shame — on Colleague B’s Eiffel Tower clip. (Note: Colleague A has no official authority over Colleague B.) I find the phrasing both poetic and hilarious.”

THIS EIFFEL TOWER IS TACKY. DON'T PUT IT ON TOP.

related: Do not lean on my pod!!!

Tags: a matter of taste · Chicago · office · office cop

The don of donut discipline

April 28th, 2013 · 144 Comments

Don is the organizer of a doughnut co-op in his Chicago office, in which each co-worker takes a turn bringing in doughnuts every Friday to share with the rest of the group. “One of my co-workers is notorious for cutting doughnuts in half and leaving the other half behind in the box,” Don says, “which annoys some of the other members of the co-op. Apparently a co-worker felt that I was failing to maintain doughnut discipline and took it upon himself to post this warning.”

Adds Don: “Half-doughnuts are no longer showing up.”

Bad: Thinking of cutting a donut. Worse: Actually cutting a donut. Worst: Cutting a donut and leaving the other half behind. Better: Cutting a donut and throwing the other half away. Best: Eat the whole damn donut!

related: The Office Breakroom Nibbler

Tags: Chicago · etiquette · food · most popular notes of 2013 · office

What rhymes with putrid?

April 16th, 2013 · 52 Comments

Having only worked at this office for a short time, Kay in Houston doesn’t know exactly what “The Fish Smell Invasion of 2012” refers to, “but being familiar with what happens in shared fridges,” she says, “I can guess.”

I was going to write a cutesy poem with lots of rhyming words, like old, mold, and other -old words. It was pretty terrible, so you're welcome I didn't write it. Instead, please take a quick peek in the fridge/freezer and see if something in here is yours and can be tossed. Also, um, that giant foil thing of food? The Fish Smell invasion of 2012 shall not be repeated.

And as an extra special bonus: my (procrastinatory) ode to “The Fish Smell Invasion of 2012″ —

related: Passive-Aggressive Poetry Corner

Tags: odor · office fridge · pure poetry

Not to name names, but…

April 11th, 2013 · 32 Comments

Seriously, Jay?

Today we had a situation where someone ate the center of 40-50 chic-fil-a- minis and left the bread. Please realize we don't want the bread you dug through. Feel free to either eat the bread or throw the bread away. This will help us all live together. Please read the following rules of functioning in a society. It may help.

related: S is for Sibling Rivalry

Tags: food · message to all intended for one · most popular notes of 2013 · office · public shaming

The next great civil rights battle?

April 9th, 2013 · 58 Comments

Our submitter in New Zealand, if forced to make a wild guess, says this missive “is probably from the woman across the hallway who stood in the middle of the floor last week and asked loudly, three times, ‘Who took my peanut butter from the fridge? Who?’” and then slunk back to her desk muttering under her breath.”

Did you know that we live in an enlightened society...Women have the vote - hard to believe, but, yes, its true! Same sex marriage/civil union - is alive and well. We can, if we wish, leave our peanut butter in the fridge at work (well - you should be able to!) That the premise of 'respect for all' is a given... It takes 5 minutes longer to put your dish in the dishwasher - please give it a go

related: A sticky situation

Tags: New Zealand · office · peanut butter

Well, that was a missed opportunity.

March 11th, 2013 · 18 Comments

Forget Tupperware parties — who could resist a Nasty Crap Container™?

This refrigerator will be cleaned out on Friday March 8th Please take the time to remove your items prior to the 8th. I will have an ice chest to put your lunch bags in. On Monday March 11th I will have a food container sale. Please visit my web page www.nastycrapcontainers.com

related: Don’t be such a miserable sod

extra credit: Fred and Friends “Bug Bags” Lunch Bags

Tags: office fridge · Seattle

No Soup for You!

February 11th, 2013 · 79 Comments

Writes Jonathan in the UK: “Nick, bless him, diligently cleans the office microwave when he’s at work every Sunday morning. By Monday, the smell of bleach has usually gone. However, I think the latest soup splattering may have pushed him over the edge.”

I spent a fair few minutes making this oven clean on Sunday and in 24 hours it is again covered in soup -  Firstly drinking soup is the act of a fool as its salt content will contribute to high blood pressure but leaving an oven in this state is plain unpleasant -  It means that those of us that that (sic) have basic hygiene standards now can not use the microwave oven unless we clean it after you use it.  Please if you had soup on Monday can you consider your actions and what you have left for others.  NP

related: If you thought your microwave was dirty…

Tags: food · microwave · office · U.K.

Please, no, anything but emo!

January 31st, 2013 · 21 Comments

Emmet in Phoenix says that at his office, “people donate magazines for others to peruse, but sometimes they grow legs and disappear.” Emmet recently found this (totally metal) back-and-forth about the issue…on the issues themselves.

This is a gift to the wellness retreat room. If you steal this magazine ~ like you did last time - may your gear get stolen or destroyed by a fire or worse yet: used on an emo record.

This is a gift to the wellness retreat room. If you steal this magazine ~ like you did last time - may your gear get stolen or destroyed by a fire or worse yet: used on an emo record.

I only borrowed it to finish the Metallica interview. Please don't steal my gear and sell it to an emo band.

I only borrowed it to finish the Metallica interview. Please don't steal my gear and sell it to an emo band.

related: The Hot Topic at this Year’s Warped Tour

extra credit: These Babies Are Totally Metal [youtube]

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · band · music · not-so-veiled threats · office · Phoenix

Remember, a smile is part of your uniform!!!

January 28th, 2013 · 89 Comments

“On its face, this note details a bunch of common-sense rhetoric about being a good employee,” our submitter says. “What’s hilarious and sad is how our ‘Service Ambassador’ thinks that a thinly-veiled threat like this is supposed to inspire fervent company loyalty and ‘outstanding service.’ Come prepared to kiss ass or we’ll kick yours?”

Food For Thought:  What if last night you got a call from corporate saying you were no longer needed to come to work? Your employment with the company has ended.  HOW WOULD THAT IMPACT YOUR LIFE?????  So, how about having respect for your job by:  1. Coming to work on time 2. Being in the company provided (clean) uniform 3. Wearing your smile 4. Valuing each and every customer you encounter & giving them outstanding service  IT'S A NEW YEAR...... HOW ABOUT SOME NEW ATTITUDES???????? YOU ARE FORTUNATE TO WORK FOR AN OUTSTANDING COMPANY - (redacted)  (redacted) - Service Ambassador

related: Motivational posters for a down economy

Tags: confusion??? · not-so-veiled threats · now that's management · office cop

How’s that for a group effort?

January 25th, 2013 · 57 Comments

Erin in Los Angeles says it all started with a simple “No staples, please.” Then the whole office got involved.

No Staples Please (picture of a stapler) paperwork on this show will be scanned

No Staples Please (picture of a stapler) paperwork on this show will be scanned No Papals Please (pictures of popes) No Staples Please (picture of the Staples Center) No Strapless Plese (picture of a strapless bra) No Naples Please (picture of Italy) No Staples Please (picture of food staples) Yes, PayPal Please.

No Marla Maples Please No Stables Please (picture of the nativity) No Capers Please (picture of the Great Muppet Caper)

No Gay Bulls Please (picture of bull in high heels with a boa) Yes, Draper Please! (Don Draper) No Biebers Please (Justin) No Stray Pills Please (Pills)

No Stray Pills Please. No Stay Pulls Please. No Scalpels Please

No Caples Please (faucet variety) No Steeples please No Pastels Please (Pastels is an anagram of Staples) No Pleats Please (same as pastels) Go Maple Leafs! No Staple Singers Please No Solid Gold Dancers Please

related: Death by a Thousand Puns

Tags: clip art catastrophe · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2013 · note wars · office · smartass