Entries Tagged as 'office'

A notice from the Department of Unnecessary Euphemisms

November 28th, 2012 · 49 Comments

I can only imagine the search queries that went into locating this delightful bit of clip art, which now decorates the ladies’ room at a medical school in Philadelphia. Now pour Lady Sansa some wine.

LADIES!!!! IF YOUR RED FLOWER IS BLOOMING PLEASE DISPOSE OF YOUR FEMININE PRODUCTS IN THE BROWN PAPER BAGS THAT HAVE BEEN PROVIDED FOR YOU THEN Dispose of that bag in the trash can near the entrance

related: The Shark Week Scriptures

extra credit: Public Toilet Survival Kit

Tags: bathroom · clip art catastrophe · hygiene · office · Philadelphia

If at first you don’t succeed…

November 19th, 2012 · 21 Comments

Imagine this: You’re about to pen a note to post in the office men’s room, but you’re torn — should you go for the patronizing approach, or opt for some sarcastic reverse psychology?

At Colin’s office in London, the note-writer apparently decided: ¿Por qué no los dos? 

Please do not leave waste paper on the floor. This is usually managed by manually picking up any paper you may accidentally drop, and then transferring it to a recognised place of refuse. Thank you for your cooperation.  Please leave as much paper as you wish on the floor, after all, who cares?

(As always, click the image above to enlarge.)

related: The never-ending (and completely unnecessary) battle between basic hygiene and basic courtesy

Tags: a little patronizing · bathroom · blitzkrieg approach · London · office · toilet paper

She’s mine. All mine!

November 18th, 2012 · 68 Comments

A certain supervisor thought his assistant, Sandra, was attracting too much idle chatter from other people in the office, so he made this framed notice for her desk. (Because that’s not creepy at all.)

“No word yet on how many contributions he’s received,” our submitter says.

IF YOU CHOOSE TO SPEAK TO SANDRA YOU CHOOSE TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE PAYING OF HER SALARY...

related: The Man is always watching

Thx Sandra!!!

Tags: Canada · crazy boss · kinda creepy · most popular notes of 2012 · office

“A very great part of the mischiefs that vex the world arises from words.” —Edmund Burke

November 16th, 2012 · 32 Comments

“Some of the people in my office are pathologically incapable of washing their own dishes,” writes Adam in Los Angeles. “I hope this doesn’t lead us to war.”

Yeah, yeah, I know, nobody washes their dishes. Really, the thing I appreciated about this submission was that it led me down the rabbit hole of QuoteInvestigator.com.

The real takeaway here? Next time you decide to quote the likes of Edmund Burke or Eleanor Roosevelt, remember these words of wisdom:

related: From the Manager’s Book of Quotes for Inspiring Workplace Paranoia

Tags: dishes · office

Pumpkin Spice & Minnesota Nice

November 14th, 2012 · 19 Comments

In Manhattan, a shortage of pumpkin spice lattes triggered mayhem overshadowed only by an actual disaster.

In Minnesota, however, it seems that some folks still haven’t heard the news that “Pumpkin is the New Bacon.”At our submitter’s office in Minneapolis, a proffered can of pumpkin spice tea sparked a Midwestern snark-off, complete with smilies.

enjoy. Tastes better than it smells then why don't you drink it :) Now now children I AM NOT A CHILD!! sounds like somebody has mommy issues

related: Grow an orange tree and grow up

extra credit: The Inescapable Pumpkin Spice Trend [thekitchn.com]

Tags: Minneapolis/St. Paul · note wars · office · smartass · smiley · tea

But…changing the water cooler bottle is hard!

October 29th, 2012 · 34 Comments

Writes in Bill in New York City: “When the water cooler bottle is empty, no one seems to know how to change it and leaves it for the next guy.’ His co-worker decided to go on the offensive.

T-Rex has tiny arms, too tiny to change the water bottle when it's empty. What's your excuse?!!!

My excuse? I am even clumsier than Liz Lemon. (And I know I’m not alone on this.)

related: So, the water cooler’s hosting rainbow parties again?

extra credit: Water cooler etiquette, or the thirsty worker’s manifesto [cnn.com]

Tags: office · water

Do you pocket like it’s hot?

October 23rd, 2012 · 108 Comments

If the consequences of eating a Hot Pocket aren’t enough to deter you from buying them, you should know that storing them in your freezer at work or school is still a risky proposition. (And no, Snoop won’t be there to back you up.)

Exhibit a) Spotted by Anna in Oakland, California:

Dear Hot Pocket Eater: How can you eat three boxes of hot pockets in less than a week?? Especially when the food in question does not belong to you!! I will be going to bed hungry because you ate all my hot pockets. IF YOU DIDN'T BUY THE FOOD, DON'T EAT IT. Some of us have jobs to buy our own food. Thanks for wasting an hour's worth of work, scum.

Exhibit b) Spotted by Diana in Green Bay, Wisconsin:

To the Hot Pocket thief: I hope you are happy that you have now stolen a pregnant

Exhibit c) Spotted by David in Austin, Texas:

Please read the labels on food. Someone ate my lean pocket & I'm hungry now. -Thanks JJ

Exhibit d) Spotted by Charlie in New York:

To whoever ate my Lean Pockets: This picture should help when you go to the store to replace them

Exhibit e) Spotted by Angie in Atlanta, with apologies for the blurriness:

To the Person who stole my lean pockets. Yours must be a truly unfortunate life to steal from someone currently receiving food stamps from the gov't because their current wage is insufficient to cover their living expenses, tuition, and food. I will now go hungry today as I'm at the limit of my budget for this week. It is my sincere wish that you burn in a lake of boiling cheese and ham not dissimilar to those found in my leanpockets. There you would dwell for a thousand years, with your skin constantly regenerating so that you can feel it being burned off your body yet again. Sincerely, Lean Pocket Less TL;DR I hate you.

(Delicious, you say? Michelle? Is that you?) And lastly…

Exhibit f) From Princeton, New Jersey:

To whom it may concern: It's not a hard concept: If you DID NOT put it in the Fridge, DO NOT take it out! Leave my Lean Pockets ALONE. [Response:] I am so sorry, but your Lean Pockets are so savory and irresistible. They call to me in my dreams. IN MY DREAMS, I SAY! I know it is wrong to covet another's frozen, microwaveable, turnover-like lunch entree filled with a delicious combination of meat, cheese and vegetables. But life moves so fast-and Lean Pockets know this. But do you know the dark pleasure of a forbidden Lean Pocket? Oh, it must be experienced. Take care; once you start down this path of frozen, microwaveable delights, it is hard to go back. BTW, the pretzel bread variety is my favorite. I'm just sayin'-in case you want to stock up.

related: Hot Pockets are the car radios of the communal freezer

Tags: guilt trip · have a nice day · office fridge · preggers · stealing · thanks (but not really) · TL;DR

Who are you calling trash?

October 17th, 2012 · 46 Comments

Writes our submitter in California: “Our custodial staff is very careful about not throwing stuff away just because it looks like trash. This co-worker wanted to make sure the right things got thrown away, but might have gotten a little overly specific.”

The result? “An onion of confusion and garbage.”

Box is trash Trashcan in box is not trash (Trash in trashcan in box is trash)

related: Hey, that garbage was important!

Tags: California · garbage · office · Say wha?

The definition of hygiene

October 3rd, 2012 · 34 Comments

While traveling in India on business, Melissa spotted this sign in all of the women’s restrooms at one office.

Note: Based on my experience with this site, I have to conclude that the fairer sex most definitely does not “define hygiene.”

Ladies, Please throw Used Tissues, Sanitary Items, INSIDE the DustBin NOT ON the DUSTBIN. Please Flush Toilet After Each Use Please Wipe Toilet Seat if you have used the sprayer Do NOT Spray Water on the Floor We do not Need Notices for this. We are Women. We Define Hygiene. Why is it missing here????

related: The bathroom battle of the sexes — a true race to the bottom

extra credit: “Cleaner than Shit” Liquid Hand Soap

Tags: bathroom · confusion??? · hygiene · India · office · toilet

Just google it.

October 2nd, 2012 · 36 Comments

Heather in California says none of her colleagues will admit to writing this note, four copies of which showed up one day in the “very, very, small breakroom” at her office.

Dearest colleagues, Since non[e] of our Moms will be dropping around to clean up after us like they did when we were little kids; why not recap the p-nut butter, close the cracks and wipe up your crumbs before returning to work following break of lunch? Perhaps wetting a paper towel and wiping up your spills etc. etc.   Those of us who follow you into the break room would prefer not to have to clean-up your food remains so that we can have a clean neat environment in which to enjoy our breaks.   For detailed instructions on procedures to employ following making a mess, simply search GOOGLE for

P.S. As of today, the first page of search results for “activities of common courtesy and how to clean-up after finishing my break” includes a Wikipedia List of Breaking Bad characters.

related: This is in the way

Tags: California · cleaning · office · spelling and grammar police · You call that punctuation? · Your mother doesn't...