Entries Tagged as 'office'

How’s that for a group effort?

January 25th, 2013 · 57 Comments

Erin in Los Angeles says it all started with a simple “No staples, please.” Then the whole office got involved.

No Staples Please (picture of a stapler) paperwork on this show will be scanned

No Staples Please (picture of a stapler) paperwork on this show will be scanned No Papals Please (pictures of popes) No Staples Please (picture of the Staples Center) No Strapless Plese (picture of a strapless bra) No Naples Please (picture of Italy) No Staples Please (picture of food staples) Yes, PayPal Please.

No Marla Maples Please No Stables Please (picture of the nativity) No Capers Please (picture of the Great Muppet Caper)

No Gay Bulls Please (picture of bull in high heels with a boa) Yes, Draper Please! (Don Draper) No Biebers Please (Justin) No Stray Pills Please (Pills)

No Stray Pills Please. No Stay Pulls Please. No Scalpels Please

No Caples Please (faucet variety) No Steeples please No Pastels Please (Pastels is an anagram of Staples) No Pleats Please (same as pastels) Go Maple Leafs! No Staple Singers Please No Solid Gold Dancers Please

related: Death by a Thousand Puns

Tags: clip art catastrophe · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2013 · note wars · office · smartass

The Office LOL Police

January 18th, 2013 · 35 Comments

As it turns out, at least one study has shown that laughter in the workplace can actually improve productivity.

Of course, that didn’t help our submitter in St. Louis from totally freaking out when she found this anonymous note on her desk at her “conservative” office, where she says that although silence pretty much reigns, “I giggle and talk loudly all the time.”

I'm worried that you are laughing too much and not getting enough work completed. Sincerely, A Concerned Neighbor

Our submitter later found out that the note was a “prank” from a friendly coworker. (But — paranoia alert — was it completely in jest, or a p-a power play?)

related: To my coworker, the thundering cow

Tags: most popular notes of 2013 · noise · office · St. Louis

Hair-raising indignation

January 10th, 2013 · 47 Comments

This type of note, I think, is the absolute WORST.

This hair has been hanging here for more than SIX MONTHS. Has anyone else noticed. Cleaning people haven't.

related: This thing is in the way. Is someone going to move it? 

Tags: bathroom · Boston · hair · office

Ice Box-ing

December 26th, 2012 · 45 Comments

The most extreme case of ice hoarding I’ve seen comes to us from an office in Fort Washington, Pennsylvania:

I bring my ICE from home! Please don't TAKE IT. [Response]: You are very strange.

Personally, I think Nicolette’s “Aunt Anny” in California is onto something. (Assuming, of course, that people have the recipe.)

Make Ice Make More Ice Fucking Ice Bin (Keep it fucking full)

related: Four approaches to ice cube maintenance

Tags: ice · office

When I was green in judgment, cold in blood

December 16th, 2012 · 85 Comments

I’ve spent most of the day curled up reading John Irving’s latest, In One Person (“a compelling novel of desire, secrecy, and sexual identity.”) And yet, since stumbling across this novella — from an office fridge in Maryland — I’ve had but one phrase echoing in my head: “We are not so unalike, [you and I]. I, too, have a deep love of salad.”

Dear Desperate for Salad: We are so unalike. I too have a deep love of salad. In fact, it is what I eat for lunch nearly every single day. I find few things more satisfying than a crisp green salad in the middle of the day. I'm sure you feel similarly.

related: “Someday when you’re wondering why you’re alone…”

Tags: Maryland · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge · stealing · TL;DR

Just sayin’ (while silently seething)

December 13th, 2012 · 34 Comments

The office break room: where everything is somebody else’s responsibility.

This banana has been here a while.

MOLD IS HERE.

BAD SALAMI

related: I am clearly too busy writing notes, so could somebody less important than me take care of this?

Tags: cleaning · office

With apologies to Theodor Geisel

December 12th, 2012 · 26 Comments

The porcelain throne, it seems, serves as a muse to many…with predictably crappy results.

Potty Training 101 Flush the toilet when you are done. If the handle seems to stick. Flush twice or thrice to do the trick.

And the response:

Thank you for the refresher course, but these toilets really are the worst. Alas, we are the bad news bearer, this is not a matter of user error. Maybe it's work with a thinga-ma-jigger!  It makes our heads twirl that these toilets do not swirl.   They swish, they gurgle, no matter how little the waste, these toilets will not burgle, the refusing to make haste.  I've flushed once, twice, and even thrice, but still these toilets do not play nice.   Oh my! the time is costs. Seriously! these toilets should be tossed.  Sincerely, The Fish

related: Couplets for the Crapper

extra credit: A Funeral in the Bathroom: and Other School Bathroom Poems

Tags: office · pure poetry · rebuttals · toilet

Sink squatters

December 10th, 2012 · 23 Comments

Spotted, appropriately enough, in New York’s Theater District (though I guess Hell’s Kitchen would have made sense, too):

I've been here since Monday. How about you? I got here last week. I'm staying. Me too. I'm never leaving. Let's make salmonella.

related: Toy Story meets The Office

Tags: anthropomorphism · dishes · New York · office

Fish cookies, anyone?

December 6th, 2012 · 60 Comments

It was a Friday and Meredith in Lexington, Massachusetts was pretty much running on auto-pilot when she made the mistake of microwaving leftover tacos for lunch — FISH tacos. Much to her horror, Meredith says, “The smell immediately permeated the office and got everyone talking and wondering who had committed one of the worst office kitchen taboos — second only to burned microwave popcorn.”

In an attempt to make things right, Meredith says, “I then asked some software engineers, who like to bake frozen cookie dough in the toaster oven, if they would help me cover up my secret shame by baking some sweet-smelling cookies. This is the note they left for all to see.”

Trust us, this smells better than Meredith's burnt fish lunch. (She sits that way ?). She is very sorry and will never do it again!

related: To spray or not to spray?; Eau dear

Tags: etiquette · fish · Massachusetts · microwave · odor · office · oh no you didn't · public shaming

A notice from the Department of Unnecessary Euphemisms

November 28th, 2012 · 49 Comments

I can only imagine the search queries that went into locating this delightful bit of clip art, which now decorates the ladies’ room at a medical school in Philadelphia. Now pour Lady Sansa some wine.

LADIES!!!! IF YOUR RED FLOWER IS BLOOMING PLEASE DISPOSE OF YOUR FEMININE PRODUCTS IN THE BROWN PAPER BAGS THAT HAVE BEEN PROVIDED FOR YOU THEN Dispose of that bag in the trash can near the entrance

related: The Shark Week Scriptures

extra credit: Public Toilet Survival Kit

Tags: bathroom · clip art catastrophe · hygiene · office · Philadelphia