Entries Tagged as 'office'

No Soup for You!

February 11th, 2013 · 79 Comments

Writes Jonathan in the UK: “Nick, bless him, diligently cleans the office microwave when he’s at work every Sunday morning. By Monday, the smell of bleach has usually gone. However, I think the latest soup splattering may have pushed him over the edge.”

I spent a fair few minutes making this oven clean on Sunday and in 24 hours it is again covered in soup -  Firstly drinking soup is the act of a fool as its salt content will contribute to high blood pressure but leaving an oven in this state is plain unpleasant -  It means that those of us that that (sic) have basic hygiene standards now can not use the microwave oven unless we clean it after you use it.  Please if you had soup on Monday can you consider your actions and what you have left for others.  NP

related: If you thought your microwave was dirty…

Tags: food · microwave · office · U.K.

Please, no, anything but emo!

January 31st, 2013 · 21 Comments

Emmet in Phoenix says that at his office, “people donate magazines for others to peruse, but sometimes they grow legs and disappear.” Emmet recently found this (totally metal) back-and-forth about the issue…on the issues themselves.

This is a gift to the wellness retreat room. If you steal this magazine ~ like you did last time - may your gear get stolen or destroyed by a fire or worse yet: used on an emo record.

This is a gift to the wellness retreat room. If you steal this magazine ~ like you did last time - may your gear get stolen or destroyed by a fire or worse yet: used on an emo record.

I only borrowed it to finish the Metallica interview. Please don't steal my gear and sell it to an emo band.

I only borrowed it to finish the Metallica interview. Please don't steal my gear and sell it to an emo band.

related: The Hot Topic at this Year’s Warped Tour

extra credit: These Babies Are Totally Metal [youtube]

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · band · music · not-so-veiled threats · office · Phoenix

Remember, a smile is part of your uniform!!!

January 28th, 2013 · 89 Comments

“On its face, this note details a bunch of common-sense rhetoric about being a good employee,” our submitter says. “What’s hilarious and sad is how our ‘Service Ambassador’ thinks that a thinly-veiled threat like this is supposed to inspire fervent company loyalty and ‘outstanding service.’ Come prepared to kiss ass or we’ll kick yours?”

Food For Thought:  What if last night you got a call from corporate saying you were no longer needed to come to work? Your employment with the company has ended.  HOW WOULD THAT IMPACT YOUR LIFE?????  So, how about having respect for your job by:  1. Coming to work on time 2. Being in the company provided (clean) uniform 3. Wearing your smile 4. Valuing each and every customer you encounter & giving them outstanding service  IT'S A NEW YEAR...... HOW ABOUT SOME NEW ATTITUDES???????? YOU ARE FORTUNATE TO WORK FOR AN OUTSTANDING COMPANY - (redacted)  (redacted) - Service Ambassador

related: Motivational posters for a down economy

Tags: confusion??? · not-so-veiled threats · now that's management · office cop

How’s that for a group effort?

January 25th, 2013 · 57 Comments

Erin in Los Angeles says it all started with a simple “No staples, please.” Then the whole office got involved.

No Staples Please (picture of a stapler) paperwork on this show will be scanned

No Staples Please (picture of a stapler) paperwork on this show will be scanned No Papals Please (pictures of popes) No Staples Please (picture of the Staples Center) No Strapless Plese (picture of a strapless bra) No Naples Please (picture of Italy) No Staples Please (picture of food staples) Yes, PayPal Please.

No Marla Maples Please No Stables Please (picture of the nativity) No Capers Please (picture of the Great Muppet Caper)

No Gay Bulls Please (picture of bull in high heels with a boa) Yes, Draper Please! (Don Draper) No Biebers Please (Justin) No Stray Pills Please (Pills)

No Stray Pills Please. No Stay Pulls Please. No Scalpels Please

No Caples Please (faucet variety) No Steeples please No Pastels Please (Pastels is an anagram of Staples) No Pleats Please (same as pastels) Go Maple Leafs! No Staple Singers Please No Solid Gold Dancers Please

related: Death by a Thousand Puns

Tags: clip art catastrophe · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2013 · note wars · office · smartass

The Office LOL Police

January 18th, 2013 · 35 Comments

As it turns out, at least one study has shown that laughter in the workplace can actually improve productivity.

Of course, that didn’t help our submitter in St. Louis from totally freaking out when she found this anonymous note on her desk at her “conservative” office, where she says that although silence pretty much reigns, “I giggle and talk loudly all the time.”

I'm worried that you are laughing too much and not getting enough work completed. Sincerely, A Concerned Neighbor

Our submitter later found out that the note was a “prank” from a friendly coworker. (But — paranoia alert — was it completely in jest, or a p-a power play?)

related: To my coworker, the thundering cow

Tags: most popular notes of 2013 · noise · office · St. Louis

Hair-raising indignation

January 10th, 2013 · 47 Comments

This type of note, I think, is the absolute WORST.

This hair has been hanging here for more than SIX MONTHS. Has anyone else noticed. Cleaning people haven't.

related: This thing is in the way. Is someone going to move it? 

Tags: bathroom · Boston · hair · office

Ice Box-ing

December 26th, 2012 · 45 Comments

The most extreme case of ice hoarding I’ve seen comes to us from an office in Fort Washington, Pennsylvania:

I bring my ICE from home! Please don't TAKE IT. [Response]: You are very strange.

Personally, I think Nicolette’s “Aunt Anny” in California is onto something. (Assuming, of course, that people have the recipe.)

Make Ice Make More Ice Fucking Ice Bin (Keep it fucking full)

related: Four approaches to ice cube maintenance

Tags: ice · office

When I was green in judgment, cold in blood

December 16th, 2012 · 85 Comments

I’ve spent most of the day curled up reading John Irving’s latest, In One Person (“a compelling novel of desire, secrecy, and sexual identity.”) And yet, since stumbling across this novella — from an office fridge in Maryland — I’ve had but one phrase echoing in my head: “We are not so unalike, [you and I]. I, too, have a deep love of salad.”

Dear Desperate for Salad: We are so unalike. I too have a deep love of salad. In fact, it is what I eat for lunch nearly every single day. I find few things more satisfying than a crisp green salad in the middle of the day. I'm sure you feel similarly.

related: “Someday when you’re wondering why you’re alone…”

Tags: Maryland · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge · stealing · TL;DR

Just sayin’ (while silently seething)

December 13th, 2012 · 34 Comments

The office break room: where everything is somebody else’s responsibility.

This banana has been here a while.

MOLD IS HERE.

BAD SALAMI

related: I am clearly too busy writing notes, so could somebody less important than me take care of this?

Tags: cleaning · office

With apologies to Theodor Geisel

December 12th, 2012 · 26 Comments

The porcelain throne, it seems, serves as a muse to many…with predictably crappy results.

Potty Training 101 Flush the toilet when you are done. If the handle seems to stick. Flush twice or thrice to do the trick.

And the response:

Thank you for the refresher course, but these toilets really are the worst. Alas, we are the bad news bearer, this is not a matter of user error. Maybe it's work with a thinga-ma-jigger!  It makes our heads twirl that these toilets do not swirl.   They swish, they gurgle, no matter how little the waste, these toilets will not burgle, the refusing to make haste.  I've flushed once, twice, and even thrice, but still these toilets do not play nice.   Oh my! the time is costs. Seriously! these toilets should be tossed.  Sincerely, The Fish

related: Couplets for the Crapper

extra credit: A Funeral in the Bathroom: and Other School Bathroom Poems

Tags: office · pure poetry · rebuttals · toilet