Entries Tagged as 'office'

The rubbish is restless

June 24th, 2012 · 31 Comments

Several months from now, I’m guessing this exhibit will still be open for viewing under Mark’s desk in Los Angeles.

Hi Mark, I'm a random paper bag that has sat here for months. I need some exercise. Please walk me outside to a pretty trash can! —brown bag  I'm garbage. I go outside in trash can when I'm full. —Trash  Hi Mark, I'm all alone! Please put me with my friends in the trash can —Plastic Bottle  Hi Mark, Poor me! A lonely empty paper bag just wishing I could be in that other BIG BAG! Pretty please?!?!

related: Toy Story meets The Office

Tags: anthropomorphism · blitzkrieg approach · garbage · Los Angeles · office

Bath Salts are NOT an advisable alternative to cheese sticks.

June 14th, 2012 · 20 Comments

Rhiannon in Missouri opened the fridge at work to find this not-at-all-disturbing note from an anonymous office zombie.

To the person who is stealing and eating cheese sticks that are not his or hers. STOP! Did you buy them? No. Solution: Go to the store and get your own. You can't be that hungry. If you are, gnaw the face off a homeless man.

(The perp’s response: “Well, if you say so!”)

related: Who moved my cheese?

Tags: cheese · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge

We can put a man on the moon, but…

June 11th, 2012 · 33 Comments

This [plagiarized] note comes to us from a staff restroom at NASA’s Johnson Space Center. “This is just great,” says our submitter. “We can put a 7-degrees-of-freedom robotic arm in space that can build a space station, but we can’t get a ‘wall robot’ to work…or even send in a work order request to get it fixed.”

Thank you...motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a wall robot.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson, would you care to test out this motion sensor hand towel machine for yourself?

Aaaaand…there you have it.

related: It’s not rocket science.

extra credit: “Nice Work If You Can Get It” [This American Life]

Tags: bathroom · Houston · office · thanks (but not really)

Oh, and about that “cheese” in your Vegemite & Cheese sandwich…

June 6th, 2012 · 55 Comments

At Tazza’s office in Sydney, someone (not Harold, that much we know) was so offended by a coworker’s half-made cup of instant coffee that he or she felt obliged to leave this note.

This is NOT coffee! Why are you doing this to yourself? :-|

related: Rage Against the (Coffee) Machine

extra credit: Men Being Jerks to Their Wives about Coffee [youtube]

extra extra credit: Who Made That Kraft Single? [nytimes.com]

Tags: Australia · coffee · office · Sydney · unsolicited feedback

Or…how about no signs at all?

May 31st, 2012 · 37 Comments

Scoffs our submitter in Los Angeles: “Because as a healthy, functioning, adult, you really need to be reminded that you’re a good person for cleaning up after yourself.”

Can we put up any positive signs?

related: Three never-ending office arguments

Tags: Los Angeles · microwave · office · rebuttals

60% of the time it works every time

May 5th, 2012 · 30 Comments

Pat in London works for a large office, where, unfortunately for the many java addicts on staff, the coffeemaker has a habit of breaking down. Also, Pat says, “It’s an advertising agency, so there are lots of grammar pedants.” The result?

OUT OF ORDER - engineer called -  I SAID OUT OF ORDER - WHICH MEANS NO YOU CANNOT HAVE A COFFEE - Well...you can try if you feel lucky... - There is another coffee machine on the fifth floor - But no toilets... - Except for the two that are there... - LOUD NOISES - 60% of the time it works every time - Stop wasting VALUABLe office stationary - <--stationery --- WRITE RESPONSIBLY -- Nothing in this place works! -- I prefer tea anyway :(

related: Just be glad you don’t know what’s in the coffee

Tags: coffee · London · note wars · office · smartass · spelling and grammar police

Cactus killer, qu’est-ce que c’est?

April 29th, 2012 · 76 Comments

She likes her humor like she likes her cactus: dry.

Dear Cactus Killer, Thank you for being so helpful as to water my cactus. No doubt you felt it was in desperate need of TLC, as I seldom seem to pay it any mind whatsoever. However, in being such a super helpy-helperton, you seem to have murdered it, and now I am sad. In the future, please kindly refrain from caring for any sort of plant or plant-like object on my desk. Sadly, a former owner of an awesome catcus [sic]

related: “Just feed me to the cat.”

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · most popular notes of 2012 · office · thanks (but not really)

George Clooney, breaker of hearts (and printers)

April 20th, 2012 · 35 Comments

“My favorite part,” says our anonymous submitter: “THE DAMNING EVIDENCE, RIGHT BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES!! Shame on you, you know who you are! Look how much trouble you caused! Enjoy bearing your shameful secret crush on George Clooney that breaks printers and wastes staff time!”

This print job jammed the copier. It took two staff 30 minutes to dissemble [sic] the fuser and remove the paper jam. Meanwhile [REDACTED] staff were frustrated that they were unable to print. As a reminder, [REDACTED] pays the [REDACTED] for every print, copy and fax made on the Pay Per Copy printers.

And on a related note…

PLEASE DO NOT PRINT LARGE JOBS

related: The printer doesn’t appreciate your tone.

Tags: message to all intended for one · office · the printer

The Countertop Snot Rocketer

April 18th, 2012 · 35 Comments

Writes Brad in North Carolina: “This was in the bathroom at work, and I must have read it three or four times before admitting I didn’t have a clue what was happening.  The confusion could have been due to the grammar, the punctuation, or the notion that people blow their nose on the countertop (?!?).

Please Don't Blow your nose on Counter top here is tissue... Help your Self!!

Perhaps there’s a snot-rocketer on the loose?

Adds Brad: “In the day and a half since the note has been up, nobody has touched that roll of toilet paper.”

related: Hey, I was saving that for later!

Tags: bathroom · hygiene · North Carolina · nose-picking · office · toilet paper

Please excuse my cooties

April 15th, 2012 · 123 Comments

Shar is a receptionist — and self-described germaphobe — working at a financial corporation in Toronto. The coworker who covers for her during lunch was sick this week, Shar says, and must have noticed that “when I return, I take it upon myself to Purell the crap out of my mouse, keyboard, desk surface and even pens. (I cannot afford to get sick.)”

Hey I know I have a cold and all but can you at least wait until I leave the room before you start sanitizing your whole desk. Its kinda mean. Hope you had a good lunch.

Adds Shar: “In my defense…I did think she was gone.”

related: My secretary, Sybil

Tags: illness · office · Oops?