Travis in Minnesota says this note was dropped in his mailbox by some anonymous neighbor who had apparently been fixated on watching him build his backyard deck.

“I was surprised that anyone noticed, let alone went through the trouble to write a full-page complaint,” Travis says. “However, he’s right in that, as one person working on the occasional free night and on weekends, it did take me a full year to complete the project.”

Adds Travis: “I think the strangest part of the note is the challenge to my masculinity. I’m glad that someone finally told me that it’s more manly to pay for someone to do a job for you than to do it yourself. Here I was, all this time, thinking it was just the opposite. Boy, is my face red!”

P.S. If you’re curious, here’s a photo of the deck. I think it’s quite nice.

related: (Don’t Fear) The Creeper

So, apparently in Cuba, Missouri (pop. 3,071) folks take their onions seriously. (Would any Missourians out there care to explain?)

related: Yes, we wash our lemons!

Hey, Lenny, if you’re looking for an idea for your next tattoo, how about, “Don’t trust anything written in Comic Sans.”

(Thanks to Syrah in Toronto for submitting!)

related: A little advice for the ladies

Writes Steph in Toronto: “Most of the notices posted in the elevator of my condo building are pretty standard (fire alarm drills, etc.) but this one’s special. It just raises so many questions: Was the milk expired? Were they throwing it at someone? How much milk are we talking about that it’s a ‘matter of public safety’? I need to know!”

related: Urine in bottles thrown out windows is disgusting

“The Winston Salem Transit Authority posted this memo in their depressing, dingy, bus depot,” reports Bill in North Carolina. (The WSTA‘s new motto: “Kick ’em while they’re down!)

related: Your knees are pressing into my repressed rage

Our submitter in Ohio came into work recently to find this disturbing notice on the door of the women’s restroom. Even more disturbing? This apparently wasn’t the first time this type of incident has occurred.

Our submitter says a group of coworkers spend all morning trying to figure out the logistics of how this shit went down. “The stall is really not that big,” she says, “and in order to miss the toilet, one would have to be standing, practically leaning on the wall, rotated 90 degrees from the usual use of a toilet…and then somehow not see what happened or subsequently decide not to clean it up.”

Sadly, I think Drew of Toothpaste for Dinner has a point:

related: THE MAD BOMBER: Never Forget!

It’s a PAN miracle! After reaching a hilltop on a holiday hike, Mary in Phoenix found this decorated desert tree.

Upon closer inspection, Mary noticed this (only slightly cranky) message from “Merry Terry.”

Altogether now, everyone…

related: Thank You Terry!

Angela and her father were poking around the local dollar store in Metuchen, New Jersey when we they came across these boxes of Christmas lights.

“We originally thought these vaguely ominous messages were meant to harken back to the ‘true spirit of Christmas’ but these threats don’t exactly engender goodwill toward men,” Angela says. “I don’t know for whom these vaguely ominous messages are really intended, but s/he must have seriously pissed off the manufacturer.”

related: Subliminal self-esteem killers

extra credit: Evil Elf on the Shelf