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Entries Tagged as 'You call that punctuation?'

It’s opposite day in Cincinnati!

May 26th, 2015 · 85 Comments

Chris in Cincinnati says this came in the mail with no return address.

The butterfly sticker is a nice touch, no?

Isn't it nice the Garbage men come and take you'r [sic] garbage away, then leave you with the EMPTY cans so that you may put them away.

related: Welcome to the neighborhood. You’re totally screwing it up.

 

Tags: Cincinnati · garbage · neighbors · unnecessary "quotation marks"

Playing chicken

March 23rd, 2015 · 76 Comments

So, this is what happens in Jacksonville, Florida when one neighbor accuses another of harboring illegal backyard fowl:

NO!!! WE DON'T HAVE CHICKENS OR ROOSTERS!

inappropriate hashtag

related: Cock fight!

extra credit: On the backyard chicken trend [npr.org]

Tags: #inappropriatehashtag · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Jacksonville · Oops?

The nicest possible way

April 8th, 2014 · 63 Comments

Really? This is the nicest possible phrasing you could come up with?

I am going to say this in the nicest possible way: Who is the stupid idiot that keeps putting cans of soda and bottles of water in the freezer? Stop doing this. I am tired of cleaning up the messes you make!

I mean, this guy even said please.

Do NOT put cans of soda in the freezer!!!! They explode and get all over people's food! Please do not put them in the freezer!

(Thanks to Ben in Dallas and Allie in Orlando for submitting.)

 

related: Ice Box-ing

Tags: beverages · Coke · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office fridge

Unthightly and unsymphatetic

November 12th, 2013 · 62 Comments

Alrighty, folks. Yesterday’s “millennial-bashing” post seemed to stir up outdoor-cat levels of ire, so I think it’s time for a day of healing. I’ll even set aside the issue of “passive-aggressive” vs. “just straightforward aggressive.” Cheap laughs for all, courtesy of Sarah in Providence and Peter in New York!

PLEASE CLOSE DOOR  THIGHTLY AT ALL TIMES. BETTER SAFE THEM SORRY.

'Gentlements' be 'symphatetic enough' not to use: 'ladies restroom' thanks management

related: “Employees” must “wash hands” with “soap”

Tags: bathroom · spelling and grammar police · unnecessary "quotation marks"

What is this, some sort of pissing contest?

October 10th, 2013 · 36 Comments

Our submitter spotted this sign next to the door of a video game shop in Australia. “I’m left wondering how often this must have occurred to warrant the sign,” she says.

Personally, my favorite part is the unusual choice of the word making. What exactly is going on here? (“That’s it, Alfie. If you really want Bioshock Infinite, you’d better face the wall and take a piss first!”)

PARENTS!! PLEASE STOP MAKING YOUR KIDS PISS IN THE GARDEN!! IT F#$%IN STINKS!!

related: How many times did this have to happen before they put up a sign?

Tags: exclamation-point happy!!!! · kids · odor · piss · pointlessly self-censored profanity · WTF?

Drag Queen Problems

September 22nd, 2013 · 47 Comments

Spotted backstage at a resort in St. Petersburg, Florida — drama! 

ALL DRAG QUEENS: ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT JOBS AS A QUEEN IS LIPSYNCHING!!!!!! WE HAVE RECEIVED MANY COMPLAINTS ABOUT PERFORMERS NOT KNOWING THEIR WORD. THEREFORE WE WILL BE WATCHING VERY CLOSELY WEATHER [SIC] YOU KNOW YOUR WORDS OR NOT!!!! WATERMELON, WATERMELON, MOTHER FUCKER, WATERMELON WILL NOT WORK ANYMORE. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW YOUR WORDS YOU WILL NOT BE PAID FOR THAT NUMBER!!!! THATS ALL QUEEN.............

Or, as RuPaul put it:

related: Stripper Problems

Tags: bold-underlined-caps · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Florida · most popular notes of 2013 · spelling and grammar police

No need to be a Blick about it

September 3rd, 2013 · 39 Comments

Holly in Minnesota noticed this insert in her box of Blick pastels. “I think that last sentence (?) safely takes the tone over the line from gently defensive to quite douche-y,” she says. (Of course, if she were a *real* artist…)

Notice: All pastels are subject to breakage despite great care in packing and handling, Breakage in no way affects the usability of our superb quality imported pastels, Most professional artists do not object to working with various size pieces. DICK BLICK

Then there’s these (non-pastel-colored) cupcake liners, with their message of, as Victoria in Brooklyn put it: “If you care, buy our baking cups. If you don’t give a crap about the Earth, buy that other brand.”

IF YOU CARE

related: White wire & damnation

Tags: a little patronizing · The Earth · You call that punctuation?

The gift that keeps on giving

August 12th, 2013 · 54 Comments

Our submitter stumbled upon this (excessively punctuated) gem while reading reviews for a product she was considering purchasing on Amazon.

A gift for my niece. I sure hope she like's it. She didn't write me a Thank-you note. But, she likes to sew, so it seemed like an appropriate gift.!

related: Well, at least she reads?

Tags: gift · posted online · public shaming · You call that punctuation?

Raid in the Shade

August 1st, 2013 · 87 Comments

Writes our submitter in Denver: “I parked my ’82 VW van in the closest guest spot to my home about a week ago, as I’ve been cleaning it out to sell it. Then I was sick for a few days so I didn’t leave the house. Today I found this on the windshield.”

Are you storing your car here? You can't have a prime shady spot!! Do you own or rent? Your OLD car should be parked in the center, let newer cars have the shade. But I guess its all about you. Move your car! or I'll be the one calling on you next time!

related: It’s my spot and I’ll park what I want to

Tags: car · exclamation-point happy!!!! · neighbors · parking · so this is a thing?

Leave kitty alone!

July 1st, 2013 · 91 Comments

Writes Susan in Delaware: “My family and I live in a very large apartment complex and recently discovered a mother cat and her five kittens living in the bushes. We called a local trap/neuter/return charity so that we could get the kittens and her mom basic vet care, shots, and neutering. We posted notes next to each trap explaining exactly what we were doing, and that all housecats with collars/tags would be immediately released.”

Over the course of a week, Susan says, no non-feral cats were caught, but for whatever reason one of the neighbors decided to steal all of the traps and replace them with this lovely note.

FORGOTTEN IDIOTS We know you have no life but LEAVE OUR CATS ALONE and find something else to do with your sorry ass life. Some of us have Cats who we let out and have all their shots and we don't need your

“The kicker of all this is that trapping feral cats actually protects the health of house cats,” Susan says. “Even if their cat did get accidentally picked up it would have gotten free vet care, since I’m the one coughing up $35 per cat for the honor of watching, baiting, and setting the traps multiple times per day.”

Adds Susan: “The ‘Yetters’ mentioned is a nearby liquor store. I assume the writer of this note spends a lot of time there.”

related: “Place cats in box”

Tags: blame it on the crackhead · cats · Delaware · neighbors · spelling and grammar police · unnecessary "quotation marks"