These two notes — both from Oregon — give me the urge to grab a gigantic fistful of napkins…and then noisily blow my nose with them. I mean, really. Wouldn’t a simple “Al Gore Knows” have sufficed?

(Thanks to Anonymous in Wilsonville and Brad in Albany for submitting!)

related: Your light switch has blue balls.

Shortly after moving to Columbus, Ohio, Julie received a welcome-wagon visit from her new neighbors…in the form of a post-it note stuck to the side of her motorcycle. Her bike, which was parked on the public city street across from her house, had apparently disrupted the neighborhood’s unofficial parking “regimin.”

“I complied with the rules of their little microcosm,” Julie says, “but I also turned the note into an overhead, which was a real gold mine for the rhetoric class I was teaching at Ohio State.”

Adds Julie: “Incidentally, when parked perpendicularly, a motorcycle uses roughly 2.5 feet of street.”

related:  I shoveled this spot. IT’S MINE.

These notes — the first from on office in California, the second from an office in Arkansas — both seem like they’re following the same not-quite-finished flowchart for acceptable office paper usage.

Really, you’re in for a scolding no matter what. And as our submitter Hannah noticed — in this bizarre exchange from the copy room at a school in Spartanburg, South Carolina — contrition only seems to further incense the office Paper Nazis.

related: Nothing fosters community like shared networked printers!

Though your attention might have drifted ever so briefly, I’d like to reassure you that the ongoing debate over which restrooms (men’s or women’s) are the foulest continues to rage on — and yes, it’s as nauseating as ever!

I literally received these two submissions — the first from an EMT school in Massachusetts, the second from a non-profit in D.C. — within minutes of each other. Mere coincidence? Or a cosmic clue from the Internet gods that it was time for a showdown between “Angulated Rectum Guy” and “The Queen of Diahrriah?” Okay, that was a gimme. The real question: who would you rather share a loo with?

Exhibit A) as witnessed by Josh in Fall River, Mass.

Exhibit B) From an anonymous bystander in College Park, Maryland

related: And you thought college students were foul…

“I found this posted on every vertical object within a block radius around Adam’s Point in Oakland,” says submitter JasonP. (I particularly enjoy point #4 of the response.)

Meanwhile, a set of neighbors in Vancouver, B.C. were tussling over a similar case of mistaken identity.

related: I’m not creepy, in fact…I’m quite gay.

extra credit: “But he was dressed like a ‘gang person,’ you guys!”

Our submitter in Amherst, Massachusetts was heading to class at UMass one day when she saw no fewer than twelve of these signs posted throughout the hallways and doors of her apartment building.  “My neighbors had a fun time responding with comments all over them,” she says, at least for the day and half before they got taken down.

I think my favorite part of this one is the handwritten notes at the bottom. One neighbor suggests, “Perhaps you should talk to the people in this building instead of making them think you’re mean, dramatic and cowardly,” and the writer, pouty-faced, responds, “Well I have said this before and nobody listens.” (Unwritten response: “Boo-FUCKING-hoo. Sounds like somebody needs to get laid.” )

related: When parking gets political

Mandie in Sullivan, Illinois found this love note from her six-year-old daughter tucked under her pillow one night. Can we get this kid on a stamp, stat? I think she has a future at Hallmark (or someecards).

Perhaps she could work on getting this prototype (by six-year-old Max in Marietta, Georgia) into production.

related: The joys of motherhood

Our submitter and his wife in Loveland, Colorado used to work the night shift together, and they’d generally get home around 3 or 4 in the morning. “We did try our best to keep quiet,” our submitter says…but apparently their best wasn’t good enough for one of their neighbors. They never actually met this particular neighbor, but they did find this note on their door one night.

This note appears to be the work of the a non-native English speaker, so it’s not the grammar here that I’d like to draw attention to. Actually, what impressed me is what a perfectly clear picture this note paints of the writer’s mental state. ”I CAN HEAR YOU IN MY MIND!!!!!!” — complete with the six trailing exclamation points — does that not just say it all?

related: euphemisms of disturb