Entries Tagged as 'exclamation-point happy!!!!'

The Munchkins are restless.

January 25th, 2010 · 96 Comments

“Our department head thought we should be be bringing in doughnuts more often,” says our anonymous submitter in Illinois. One of the department’s “severely underpaid” underlings, meanwhile, thought otherwise.

...If we were paid COMPETATIVE [sic] WAGES We could afford doughnuts!

UPDATE: For those of you asking “But where’s the ridiculous clip art?!” I bring you this rather dashing toreador/sheriff (as spotted by Mel in the break room of her Ithaca, New York office).

While Mel doesn’t disagree with the sentiment behind the note, “It’s a bit off-putting to be presumed guilty of theft before the fact,” she says. “Also, there seems to be a degree of randomness to the number of exclamation points at the end of each line.” (And of course, that dandy of a sheriff.)

PUT THE DONUT DOWN, AND STEP AWAY FROM THE COFFEE!!

related: Straight out of the Michael Scott Playbook

Tags: bold underlined italics · bullet points · coffee · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · Illinois · now that's management · office · raging against the machine · rebuttals · spelling and grammar police

Don’t feed the cat (or the trolls)

December 29th, 2009 · 86 Comments

Hey, so do you remember hearing about how crazy cat ladies might be explained by the Toxoplasma parasite? (No? Then listen to this episode of Radiolab. It’s pretty awesome.) Well, Toxo may or may not explain these notes.

Exhibit a) Spotted by Shane at an office in Upland, California…

"Regarding my cat": His name is Taboo not some silly name that some of you call him. I want all of you to mind your own business and leave my cat alone. I don't want you even talking to him. If I catch anyone feeding Taboo, I want you on notice NOW!!!!!!! I will terminate your employment. IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!

Exhibit b) From an apartment building in Austin, Texas…

Please do not feed or have the grey tabby in your home.

related: Cat fight!

extra credit: Radiolab: Parasites

Tags: Austin · California · CAPS LOCK · cats · exclamation-point happy!!!! · MYOB · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · rebuttals · unnecessary "quotation marks"

Do these stilettos match my broomstick?

December 9th, 2009 · 262 Comments

Sarah in London found this note — and the cheeky response — posted in the lobby of her former apartment building.

“Entry to the flats is by way of a concrete outside walkway,” she explains. “Unfortunately, if someone has noisy heels, the sound tends to reverberate throughout the building.”

When you come home in the early hours of the morning (2:45 am) can you please NOT make so much noise going down the main balcony with your stilettos and then slamming your street door. The problem with living in a block of flats is that you have neighbours that should be considered.  [response] Dear Complainer, We sincerely apologise for not being able to hover across the balcony in our very noisy stilettos. We will in future attempt to be home at 2:44 and if late fly across the main landing or teleport into our flat. Lovingly, Bramber residents

Of course, the above complainer isn’t the only person who has a problem with stilettos…a.k.a. “fucking shoes”?

STOP PLEASE NO Fucking Shoes or Heels In My House! Or Leave! I don't care who you are!! Have some respect for My House Damnit! What!!! Say Some thing!! Thank you!!! :)

related: The two-word compromise you’re looking for: zip wire

Tags: door-slamming · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · irregular capitalization · London · neighbors · noise · rainbow-colored · shoes · signed with love · smartass · that's disrespectful

Which is more despicable?

November 30th, 2009 · 206 Comments

Exhibit A, as seen by an anonymous submitter in Seattle?

REGAIN KARMA BACK!

…or exhibit B, as spotted by Mitch in Goldendale, Washington?

I'm sorry Tobby was stoled.

related: and god knows what

Tags: CAPS LOCK · comma diarrhea · confusion??? · exclamation-point happy!!!! · guilt trip · karma's a bitch · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · stealing · Washington state

FUBAR booth

November 10th, 2009 · 84 Comments

Our submitter in Denver says his buddy snapped a photo of this notice while she was getting her new military ID. Adds our submitter: “I’ve had success getting a picture retaken at the DMV, but bad photos at the military ID office are usually considered a ‘personal problem.’”

NOTICE TO CUSTOMERS!!!!  THIS CAMERA WAS SPECIALLY MADE NOT TO TAKE UGLY PICTURES. ALL I CAN SUGGEST IF YOU HAVE A COMPLAINT ABOUT YOUR PHOTOGRAPH IS THAT YOU BRING IN A BETTER FACE FOR YOUR PICTURE.

Happy Veterans Day, folks!

related: no washing your ass in the sink

Tags: "customer service" · and that's an order · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · military

The Patty Hearst of fish

October 7th, 2009 · 164 Comments

Laura in Los Angeles spotted this note at a tropical-themed family restaurant in Rosemead, California, where aquariums figure heavily into the decor. The biggest fish, Laura says, occupies his (her?) own tank at the front of the restaurant.

Piscine body image issues aside, as a former casual-dining restaurant hostess  — a job that generally means bearing the brunt of the bullshit from pissy customers, stressed-out servers, and douche-nozzle managers with very little power to make anyone happy — I can certainly empathize with the note writer…though I highly doubt it’s actually eliminated the litany of  the “oh, that poor fish!” comments that inspired it.

Hi! My name is Rufus (or Rufina) I am 32 years old! I have been in this tank my whole life and I LOVE it here! Please don't say I need a bigger tank, it just makes me feel FAT! (I can't afford therapy!) I am fine really!!!!

passiveaggressivenotes.com: help, my fish has stockholm syndrome!

related: no, yuppie, my cow’s not starving

Tags: anthropomorphism · California · exclamation-point happy!!!! · fish · restaurant

2 notes, 1 cupcake

August 28th, 2009 · 94 Comments

This restroom sign from Baton Rouge, Louisiana manages to combine variations on two of the genre’s most irritating cliches — the rhyme that must be flushed and the clip art that must be stopped…with some additional ridiculous floral clip art thrown in for good measure.

following the "more is more" principle of design

And yet, somehow, this note manages to offend me even more. I don’t think I’ll look at cupcakes the same way again.

Sprinkles are for cupcakes, not toilet seats!

related: the “your mother doesn’t work here” of the hospitality industry

extra credit: “it’s your birthday and we do give a shit”

Tags: bathroom · clip art catastrophe · exclamation-point happy!!!! · spelling and grammar police · toilet

Thanks for not asking

July 16th, 2009 · 140 Comments

Let me stop you right there. Before you say anything else, have you consulted this sign, as spotted on the door of a souvenir shop by Angie in Seattle?

No, we do not have change for the meter. Thanks for not asking

Or this one, as seen by Meghann outside a bar in San Francisco?

NO, I DON'T HAVE AN EXTRA CIGARETTE!

Well, then your questions will certainly be answered by my personal favorite, spotted by Jessie at a sandwich shop in Charlottesville, Virginia:

YES, WE WASH OUR LEMONS!!! NO, THERE ARE NO PRESCRIPTION DRUGS IN OUR FILTERED WATER!!!

related: Listing in NOW Magazine’s adult classifieds? $70. Revenge?

Tags: "customer service" · Charlottesville · exclamation-point happy!!!! · San Francisco · Seattle · thanks (but not really) · Virginia

Oh! Shit!

July 15th, 2009 · 168 Comments

Writes Stephanie in Lubbock, Texas: “One day at work, there were four or five of these bulletins posted above all bathroom trash cans, with an additional flyer posted in the ‘memos’ section on the bulletin board. There’s such rage in her bulletin, it’s like she personally found crap resting on a pile of paper towels.”

DO NOT PUT ANY!!! FECES IN THIS CONTAINER!!!!!!

Meanwhile, our submitter in Pennsylvania explains: “There are only three of us who use this bathroom, so obviously one of the other two people had a problem with me not adequately spraying the sickly-sweet ‘odor masker’ that doesn’t do anything other than mix with the ambient scent in the restroom to make it smell even worse than it might otherwise.”

IF YOU SHIT!! THEN YOU SPRAY!!

Adds our submitter: “Oh, also, this sign went up when I had only four days left working here. I have a pretty good idea how i’ll be ‘celebrating’ my last day.”

related: this!! is how!! you know!! we mean it!!

Tags: bathroom · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office · Pennsylvania · shit · Texas

Notes with character

June 12th, 2009 · 119 Comments

Because nobody says “I mean business” like…Donald Duck.

PLEASE NOTE!!! ONLY AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL...CAN TOUCH THIS COMPUTER...ANYONE ELSE...I WILL TEAR YOUR F*CKING ARM OFF!!! AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR F*CKING ASS!!!

Except, perhaps, Mickey Mouse? Writes our anonymous submitter in Toronto: “My sister went to do her laundry with her 2-year-old daughter who kept on saying ‘Mickey! Mickey!’” It seemed like random toddler babbling…until she saw the note.

Thanks for taking your sweet f*ckin' time doin' your laundry. Next time try setting an Egg timer so you can get your Lazy ASS outa bed!

Thanks for taking your sweet f*ckin’ time doin’ your laundry. Next time try setting an Egg timer so you can get your Lazy ASS outa bed!

related: How many wonders can one cavern hold?

extra credit: Didn’t Disney sue a bunch of preschools for painting Disney characters on their walls? [snopes.com]

Tags: California · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · laundry · not-so-veiled threats · out-of-context cartoon character · Toronto