Entries Tagged as 'You call that punctuation?'

So…the water cooler’s hosting rainbow parties again?

May 13th, 2009 · 155 Comments

Spotted above the office “water cooler” by “Josh” in Boston…

I can't believe the amount of 'pink' lipstick that was removed from the water spout. Please be more considerate of others. You know who you are!

related: And all the pieces matter

Tags: Boston · office · unnecessary "quotation marks" · water · you know who you are

A day in the life of a crank

April 15th, 2009 · 172 Comments

What to do after you’ve already written your daily letters to the editor, congressman and the local weatherman and you’ve still got hours to go before the early bird buffet? Well, you turn to the classifieds!

Dear gar. sale persons: if you just put out signs, you would have no "early birds." Why advert. in Chronicle then say no early? Don't advert. there. Just put out signs. They'll come - but later. Wear earplugs.

related: Cloudy with a chance of hate mail

Tags: awk abbrev · comma diarrhea · excessive underlining · garage sale · Houston · old folks · unsolicited feedback · You call that punctuation?

What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?

April 7th, 2009 · 103 Comments

Joanna from San Diego spotted this beauty in the public kitchen at her grandparents’ retirement home in Chattanooga, Tennessee.  Writes Joanna: “I love it because it combines passive-aggressiveness with religious sanctimony. Delicious!”

What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?

related: no, He uses vaseline

Tags: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Jesus · martyr complex · most popular notes of 2009 · old folks · stealing · Tennessee

This!! Is how!! You know!! We mean it!!!

March 31st, 2009 · 128 Comments

Writes Desiree: “This is a note at the express (stamps-only counter) at a very busy post office in Washington, D.C.. They are apparently!! very!! uptight!! like everyone else in D.C. (myself included)!!”

STOP!! NO ADDRESSING!! NO PACKAGING!! OF ITEMS AT THIS COUNTER IS ALLOWED AT ANY TIME. THANK YOU, THE MANAGEMENT

Meanwhile!! in Florida…

DO [sic] TO EXTENSIVE FOOD THEFT!!! THIS ROOM IS NOW UNDER VIDEO SURVEILLANCE!!

And! in Los Angeles!

SAY!!! HI! HOW ARE YOU!! WITH SMILE SMILE! SMILE! SMILE!

related: This is why your postal worker is disgruntled

Tags: CAPS LOCK · clip art catastrophe · exclamation-point happy!!!! · going postal · spelling and grammar police · You call that punctuation?

And yet…the pink flowers?

March 29th, 2009 · 81 Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter in Hartford, Connecticut: “We’re not much for posting notes in our restroom at work., so the situation must have been pretty dire for someone to go to the trouble to craft this one.”

I appreciate the initial sentiment here — I really do. this website has already condemned the cutesy rhyme that begins with “if you sprinkle when you tinkle” to a watery grave. so, for a brief flash in time, the note-writer had me. But then…the irregular Capitalizations, the excessive exclamation points!! and (seriously?) the pink flowery clip art…I’d say those make for some serious deductions in both the “technical merit” and “artistic impression” categories.

Ladies: None of this "If you sprinkle when you tinkle" crap. If you want to squat Go Ahead - BUT Have the DECENCY To clean up after YOURSELF! Those who sit will Appreciate it! As will the Cleaning staff!

Judges — what say you of the final tally?

related: the rhyme that must be flushed

Tags: bathroom · clip art catastrophe · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Hartford · inappropriate word EMPHASIS · irregular capitalization · office · piss · toilet

Ain’t that the gospel truth?

March 11th, 2009 · 102 Comments

Chris says this note was slipped under his apartment door  by one of his “typically passive-aggressive Seattle neighbors.” And no, he adds, he hadn’t noticed. Perhaps because the door was lacking in aggressively punctuated parenthetical statements!! (Homeowners dues??)

Hey Neighbors! Notice the front door isn't closing on its own? (It's been a few weeks!!) Anyone can walk in off the street! (Rape, Burgle, Murder!) Maybe somebody should have it looked at!! (homeowner's dues...) Can we please try to make sure the door stays closed??

Personally, I am just luuurving the nice little call-and-response rhythm this note has got goin’ on. I eagerly await the OutKast “Rape Burgle Murder” remix!(!!)

related: Everyone: shut it

Tags: confusion??? · exclamation-point happy!!!! · irregular capitalization · neighbors · opening/closing · Seattle · You call that punctuation?

Expect to see this ad airing in primetime very soon

February 3rd, 2009 · 106 Comments

Marina found this flyer on her car’s windshield in Venice Beach, California. With a sales pitch as compelling as this one, it’s really only a matter of time before this AMAZING OPPORTUNITY!!! pops up alongside TV offers like Cash4gold and the (ever-popular) Pedegg.

If I can work from my home part time and make over $400 per week so can you I'll prove it! If you don't call, enjoy what you're presently doing. You'll probably be doing it FOREVER!!

Adds Marina: “I haven’t tried calling the number…yet.” WHAT IS SHE WAITING FOR?!?!

related: Spinal manipulation

Tags: bad sales pitch · California · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!!

Sigh-ned

January 11th, 2009 · 89 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Cleveland found this note taped to the office paper shredder. “My first thought was, ‘Wow, this person has issues deeper than the full shredder.’”

HEY YOU! Yeah, YOU!! EMPTY THIS EVERY TIME!! THAT YOU USE IT!! SIGHNED [sic] - TICKED OFF!!

related: Especially Deborah

Tags: Cleveland · crazypants · exclamation-point happy!!!! · high on highlighter · office · Ohio · spelling and grammar police

Tilt your head upwards.

January 4th, 2009 · 78 Comments

Josh from Annapolis, Maryland says the first and last note in this exchange were apparently written by Stephen, a college student at a school “known for it’s obtusely intellectual, chronically spacey student body.”

The notes were gone within a few days, but Josh says the situation hasn’t exactly improved. In the meantime, he says, “I’m kinda worried for my own safety. I recently saw this kid chopping firewood in the backyard, so he definitely has an ax.”

Stop using a typewriter on looseleaf. It makes you look like a pretentious asshole. -a concerned citizen
related: passive-aggressive mad libs

Tags: Annapolis · garbage · neighbors · note wars · recycling · that's disrespectful · You call that punctuation?

The rhyme that must be flushed

December 9th, 2008 · 196 Comments

Apparently, sayeth google analytics, the oh-so-clever phrase “if you sprinkle when you tinkle” is one of the most common search terms that leads people to this little website. (Sorry to disappoint you, folks — no cross-stitch patterns to be found here.)

So, um, yeah…I’m gonna go curl up the fetal position and die now. I’ll leave the textual analysis underlying the great “neat/sweetie” literary schism to you guys, k?

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...be a neatie and wipe the seatie!

This one might be a little more home-spun, but I think the urine-colored highlighter and ellipses diarrhea really pushes it over the top:

LADIES, IF YOU SPRINKLE WHEN YOU TINKLE.......PLEASE BE NEAT & WIPE THE SEAT........

If you want your mind completely blown, check out this international variation, from  Jamaica:

If you twinkle when you spinkle please be neat and wipe the seat

And from San Francisco, the po-mo edition:

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...you know what the fuck to do!!! Just because u don't live here that means u too, bro....!!!

related: “Unattended children will be given espresso and a free puppy”

Tags: bathroom · CAPS LOCK · ellipses-crazed · high on highlighter · pure poetry · toilet