Josh from Annapolis, Maryland says the first and last note in this exchange were apparently written by Stephen, a college student at a school “known for it’s obtusely intellectual, chronically spacey student body.”

The notes were gone within a few days, but Josh says the situation hasn’t exactly improved. In the meantime, he says, “I’m kinda worried for my own safety. I recently saw this kid chopping firewood in the backyard, so he definitely has an ax.”

related: passive-aggressive mad libs

Apparently, sayeth google analytics, the oh-so-clever phrase “if you sprinkle when you tinkle” is one of the most common search terms that leads people to this little website. (Sorry to disappoint you, folks — no cross-stitch patterns to be found here.)

So, um, yeah…I’m gonna go curl up the fetal position and die now. I’ll leave the textual analysis underlying the great “neat/sweetie” literary schism to you guys, k?

This one might be a little more home-spun, but I think the urine-colored highlighter and ellipses diarrhea really pushes it over the top:

If you want your mind completely blown, check out this international variation, from  Jamaica:

And from San Francisco, the po-mo edition:

related: “Unattended children will be given espresso and a free puppy”

Our anonymous submitter in New Jersey found this note taped to every apartment door in his complex. “We do indeed have a problem with feral cats in our neighborhood, but my sense is that they’ve been around for many (cat) generations…not that people are buying new ones.”

Adds our submitter: “Now that I think about it, I’m probably a bad person for finding this funny, but really, the all-bold, all-caps “LET HER DEATH BE ON YOUR HEAD!!!” is just so perfectly over the top. Personally, I would have gone with “A POX ON ALL YOUR HOUSES!!!”

related: I can has guilt trip?

Anthony in Salt Lake City, Utah was a little perplexed when the new lady sharing his cubicle put this little number up. Odder still, he says, “is the fact that this particular wall was originally my half — she took everything I had on that end and moved it to the other side.”

Says anthony: “Apparently she thinks I’m going to poke the Messiah’s high school yearbook picture all day — or maybe the note is what he’s thinking?”

related: So much for turning the other cheek
extra credit: The great and dreadful day of the lord [dooce.com]

Says filly in New York: “I think it’s safe the assume the writer is neither a) an English major or b) a feminist.”

related: more from the frontlines of post-post feminism

“If it wasn’t for the handwriting,” says Lauren in California, “I would have guessed my mom wrote it.”

Meanwhile, Carson in Valencia found this note (crudely laminated with packing tape) attached to a tree while walking his dog in the park. “Maybe next time Maggie will think twice about leaving her ceramic cats unattended,” he says.

And in Seattle…

“In the pot-snatcher’s defense, people leave furniture and the like on the street all over this area of town as acts of charity, so it definitely would have been an easy mistake for anyone to make,” Josef says, adding: “When I took this picture, the homeowner was glaring at me from the garage the whole time. Bad vibes, man.”

related: Neighborhood Crazy-Watch

Casey in Human Resources may have moved on, but not to worry — Thx Sandra is here to solve our global climate crysis!

related: It takes a “genius”

Our anonymous submitter reports that a certain less-than-collegial colleague had the gall to dash off this note while the perfume-wearer in question was standing at the photocopier less than five feet away. And, our submitter adds: “She did not attempt at all to disguise her handwriting.”

related: Fight or flight