Entries Tagged as 'You call that punctuation?'

Sheena is a paintballer

July 9th, 2008 · 181 Comments

Where do you suppose this “anomous” Tampa, Florida resident stands on the whole nature-vs.-nurture debate?

PAINTBALL "PUNK" YOU WERE RAISED BY: TOTAL IDIOT PARENTS!

The Apple did not fall far from the tree! Your dad = idiot, son = little idiot $250 REWARD NAME THE IDIOT THAT SHOT PAINTBALL AT MY DOOR!

PARENTING 101 LEARN TO BE A REAL PARENT 10 LESSONS FREE CLASS

Interested? here’s a free preview!

Crappy parents > Bozo kids; Caring parents > very nice kids

related: Your to lazy

Tags: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · crazypants · dubious scientific claims · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Florida · gloriously redundant · irregular capitalization · kids today · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2008 · neighbors · spelling and grammar police · Tampa · the lawn · unnecessary "quotation marks"

Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s

June 26th, 2008 · 178 Comments

5. Being a stupid, illiterate jerk.

If you are physically or mentally incapable or putting these back in their correct spots, then please just leave them there. DO NOT just stick it anywhere just because you are in a hurry. People that do that PISS me off and make it hard for everyone else who knows the alphabet and is looking for a CD that is supposed to be there but isn't. If you are a JERK who is stashing the CD with the intention of coming back for it, you are LYING to yourself. We'd be happy to hold it until the end of the next day if you would just let us know. DON'T BE STOOPID!!!

4. What, can’t you read?

'Scuze us a sec...If you don't know the alphabet very well or you haven't been fully trained on how to put records back where they belong, please leave and come back with someone who can accompany you through this confusing process. For our good customers, please enjoy our current selection!

3. Seriously, are you fucking illiterate?

EMERGENCY EXIT ONLY!!! Do NOT use this door as an exit unless there is an emergency. If you use this door, you'll be met by us at the top of the stars and possibly held for the police as a shoplifter. At the very least, you'll be 86'd from both Recycled Records, never to return. Neither of us would like to see that happen, now would we? After all, the stuff's only a buck...

2. Do we look like the kind of store that sells “I just called to say I love you”?

No more than two questions per customer

And last but not least…

1. The Internet (probably)

related: Our customers are always right…except when they’re wrong.

extra credit: thanks, mr. hipster

Tags: "customer service" · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Ithaca · most popular notes of 2008 · music · retail hell

You’re toast, Melba.

June 25th, 2008 · 110 Comments

Courtney in California spotted this in the front yard of a neighborhood she happened to be cruising through today — one she says is “full of blue-hairs.”

MELBA!!!! Your Letter Upset Your Friend. And For no good reason. Mind Your Own BUISNESS [sic]

Adds Courtney: “I just may be knocking on this person’s front door sometime this week. I HAVE to know what Melba’s letter said!”

related: You can do it. We can’t help

Tags: California · crazypants · exclamation-point happy!!!! · irregular capitalization · most popular notes of 2008 · MYOB · old folks · spelling and grammar police

Your new favorite emo-punk band: The Light Brown Apple Moth Debacle

June 20th, 2008 · 170 Comments

Spotted in a high foot traffic area of Sausalito, California…

dear Linda (of the Jack London house) no, non, non, non, nooooooooooooooo i say to DARK AGES thought process of TENTING the house against termite! Are you mad?? this is worse than the light brown apple moth debacle!! doooooooooo reconsider, and don't poison the entire god-damn neighborhood with your ass-backwards neanderthal thinking! consider another approach - 1-800-orange-oil, perhaps, good old-fashioned REAL product, or perhaps some bay leaves or peppermint....what do you think of THAT? really wish, for the sake of your tenants and all your neighbors, you'd reconsider!

God bless the Bay area.

related: Gentrification is insanit(ar)y

Tags: Bay Area · California · confusion??? · exclamation-point happy!!!! · irregular capitalization · neighbors · Sausalito · The Earth

And God knows what

June 16th, 2008 · 147 Comments

Most drivers could easily identify these duct-tape wrapped shapes as the universal sign for “Caution: Crazy Person Ahead,” but our submitter in Boston actually pulled over and parked in order to get a better look. Up close, “the signs were even crazier than we thought,” she reports. “Seriously, what happened to this guy?”

Seriously, what happened to this guy?

Seriously, what happened to this guy? 4

Seriously, what happened to this guy? 2

related: Movin’ out (Anthony’s song)

Tags: Boston · CAPS LOCK · crazypants · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · spelling and grammar police · unnecessary "quotation marks" · WTF?

A little bit of psycho-therapy

June 8th, 2008 · 66 Comments

“This is from my shrink’s office,” explains our anonymous submitter in Wisconsin. “Ironically, I was going to them to help me resolve issues with my spouse’s passive-aggressive tendencies.”

Since we really hate working for free, please notify your psychologist of any changes in insurance coverage for 2008 THANK YOU

Can’t you just feel the repressed anger in the sudden drop-off in punctuation?  (After all, if you’re not gonna use three exclamation points, why bother?)

related: perhaps it’s time for a little group therapy?

Tags: CAPS LOCK · money · shrinks · Wisconsin · You call that punctuation?

We all need somebody to hate on

June 4th, 2008 · 152 Comments

“Working in a university library, you get used to a lot of ‘quirky’ personalities,” says our anonymous submitter in Manhattan, Kansas. “So far, this is the only one that has decided to put pathology to paper.”

we all need somebody to hate on

Tags: CAPS LOCK · college life · exclamation-point happy!!!! · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Kansas · nonsensical spacing · touching

Maybe “no teenagers” would have been simpler

June 2nd, 2008 · 141 Comments

Our anonymous submitter spotted this signage at a homemade water park somewhere near Cherry Point, South Carolina.

pool rules

pool rules

related: And pull up your pants

Tags: crazypants · sex sex sex · South Carolina · spelling and grammar police · swimming pool · unnecessary "quotation marks" · you know who you are

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