Entries Tagged as 'You call that punctuation?'

To the victor goes the bile

January 17th, 2008 · 59 Comments

Ruben in Pregon works for an Apple reseller where the managers like to fire up the sales team with little competitions. (iPhones don’t sell themselves, people! For that, you’ll have to hold out for version 2.0.)

When Josh, the store’s very own Dwight Schrute, was pronounced the winner of a recent contest, things unfolded pretty much the way you’d expect.

to the victor goes the bileto the victor goes the bile (part 2)

The only person more universally reviled than the office suckup? the new guy, of course.

Says Ruben: “Most of us are real sticklers for keeping track of new product, but recently we brought on this new guy, Victor, and he hasn’t been doing too well.” Ruben came into work one day to find this MacBook battery on one of the tech benches, along with these notes that explain the entire story in just nine words. (And three question marks.)

to the victor goes the bile

Ruben says this pwnage became less hilarious when Victor actually did end up getting fired. “Awwkard!”

related: Your last day of work was yesterday

Tags: confusion??? · fired · group bitchfest · office · Oregon · retail hell · whiteboard

Or possilly, that no body ‘b’ there

January 12th, 2008 · 74 Comments

Mishee was about to go ahead and just pay for that Snapple…until she saw this colorful little note at a drugstore in Sunnyvale, California. Phew!

attn.JPG

UPDATE: Mishee (ever the overachiever) has returned to the scene to satisfy your curiosity about the signs behind the signs…and finds her Snapple-drinking plans foiled in the process!

Photobucket

related: If it weren’t for the toilet, there would be no books

Tags: "helpful" advice · bathroom · California · sad face · Silicon Valley · spelling and grammar police · unnecessary "quotation marks"

Office anthropomorphism

December 29th, 2007 · 65 Comments

Many offices, it seems, are a regular Disneyland of what only appear to be inanimate objects. The evidence?

From Frank in San Francisco, a sentient sponge:

USE ME RINSE ME + help keep me from getting ICKY! Thank you, Sponge

From Amy in Annapolis, Maryland, a talking toilet:

DID YOU FLUSH ME AND WIPE OFF MY SEAT????

From Ben in San Antonio, Texas, a talking door:

I noticed I am not shut when people enter or exit. Please make sure I am shut upon exiting or entering. -The Door

And then there’s my favorite – from an anonymous submitter in Washington, D.C. – a talking (and walking) microwave:

If You Guys Don't Keep Me Clean I'm walking away from you If you don't Believe TRY M

(Most baffling…where on earth did that clip art come from?)

related: I guess that’s why

Tags: Annapolis · CAPS LOCK · cleaning · clip art catastrophe · confusion??? · D.C. · irregular capitalization · Maryland · microwave · opening/closing · San Antonio · San Francisco · Texas · toilet

So much for turning the other cheek

December 13th, 2007 · 140 Comments

Thanks to Sarah for capturing this delicious little slice of life from her Christian college in Illinois. (Delicious like a quart of Starbucks Coffee Almond Fudge, not one measly little low-fat Frappucino bar.)

Dear Sinner, I specifically wrote on the box of Starbuck's Frappucino bars Don't Touch! But did that stop you. No instead you took the liberty of taking my last one!

related: but He took the wheel

Tags: apostrophe abuse · college life · excessive underlining · heart · ice cream · Illinois · irregular capitalization · not-so-veiled threats · spelling and grammar police · touching · You call that punctuation? · you're like so going to hell

Seriously!?!

December 11th, 2007 · 59 Comments

The inimitable Jeff Rubin passes along this note from the foyer of his Park Slope apartment building. Yup, that’s what you think it is there on the floor. (Perhaps a hapless victim of the bag-tampering deliquent?)

2062270837_08428f5927.jpg

(Jeff says the mess was cleaned up when he checked a few hours later.)

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Brooklyn, confusion still reigns.

Pick up after your dog!!! You are not an animal?

related: Oh, shit!

Tags: Brooklyn · confusion??? · dogs · Park Slope · shit

It’s not funny, it’s my sandwich

December 5th, 2007 · 138 Comments

Joe in Northern Virginia has amassed a pretty divine collection of office fridge notes over the years, the best of which portend various forms of karmic/economic/physical retribution.

IT's not funny! It's not a joke! It's STEALING...and it could cost you your job! Please be sure that you don't "accidentally" eat someone else's food!

BEWARE One of your coworkers is a thief and so completely lazy that they stole my sandwich. They stole a HOMEMADE sandwich. Who steals food in the first place? And honestly, who steals a non-packaged product? Do you really want something someone else handled? From now on, I suggest everyone sneezes on and profusely licks their food prior to bringing it to work. I know I will.

The the ignorant person who stole my lunch between yesterday and today: I just wanted to let you know that I have strep throat and you'll notice I had partially eaten the food. Don't be surprised if you get sick.

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · ellipses-crazed · food · karma's a bitch · licking · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · Reston · stealing · Virginia

Just plane rude

November 28th, 2007 · 114 Comments

Writes Deanne: “Because Orlando prides itself on being a friendly city, we tend to do most of our dirty work via passive-aggressive notes and signs. This one is from the front door of a tacky tourist shop on international drive. I can get past the reference to ‘plane rude’ but the ‘Macdonalds’ analogy is a stretch.” (I’d add that characterizing this as a safety concern is a bit of a stretch too, but I think the amazing clip art and the hand-drawn smiley are what really push this one over the top.)

Please do not bring bags of the other store into our store. Besides for safety it is just plane rude. Would you bring a Burger King bag into the MacDonalds [sic]! Thank you very much!!

Adds Deanne: “I’ve never brought a Burger King bag into McDonald’s, but that’s not because of fast food etiquette, just lack of time. I did bring a Macy’s bag into a Sears store, and I’ve never felt the least bit guilty about it!”

Tags: clip art catastrophe · etiquette · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Florida · Orlando · questionable logic · retail hell · smiley · spelling and grammar police

I’ve got my eye on you

November 27th, 2007 · 135 Comments

Laura spotted this punchline of a note (“you know it’s time to move out when…”) at her apartment building in downtown Brooklyn. Or rather, her former apartment building. It’s unclear whether the note-leaver was motivated by recent research suggesting that pictures of eyes may deter crime.

Attn: To the Ass-hole who keeps breaking & entering this building to steal the locks off the doors, you will be caught.

Meanwhile, Kim in Worcester, Massachusetts spotted a convenience store taking a similarly whimsical approach to theft prevention.

Did you know? Stealing is a crime. When we catch you we will call the police and have you arrested. We are watching you and so are the camera's [sic]. Say cheese!

Tags: apostrophe abuse · Brooklyn · CAPS LOCK · excessive underlining · Massachusetts · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · stealing · the po-po · Worcester

“No” questions asked

November 26th, 2007 · 122 Comments

I love how the notewriter quickly abandons the initial pretense here, then completely throws in the towel with the last line.

Will the people who "borrowed" our flower boxes (white flowers, dirt and all) please return them? No questions asked. :(  (Except - WHY???)

Thanks to Adam in San Francisco for spotting this masterpiece!

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · CAPS LOCK · confusion??? · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · sad face · San Francisco · stealing

What, no highlighting?

November 26th, 2007 · 107 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Dearborn, Michigan spotted this gem in a women’s restroom at her office of “several hundred financial and information technology professionals” — perhaps the future workplace of a “trifling” young UC-Berkeley student?

Unbelievable. Someone washed their HAIR in this sink, DONOT use until the cleaning lady cleans IT!!! Brushing your teeth and washing your hands, is normal, washing your hair is just plain NASTY and trifling! I hate to see what your house looks like!

related: I think it’s going to be a long long time

Tags: bold underlined italics · CAPS LOCK · comma diarrhea · exclamation-point happy!!!! · hair · hygiene · Michigan · office