Entries Tagged as 'You call that punctuation?'
At the Circuit City in Bradenton, Florida (which I envision something like this) one anonymous employee reports that much of the staff’s downtime is spent obsessively playing Guitar Hero 3 in the store’s breakroom. They even have a 42-inch wall-mounted flatscreen expressly for this purpose. Or at least, they did, until about a month ago.
Our anonymous employee takes umbrage with two issues here. First of all, “there are more than 50 employees who share this room. Does it really look that dirty?” And second, the fact that “instead of reminding us to pick up during any one of our 30 daily meetings, someone actually wasted the time to TAKE PICTURES of the ‘mess’ and hang them in place of the TV. Wouldn’t a simple, ‘hey y’all, clean up your shit?’ have been much, much more efficient?”
What is this “efficiency” of which you speak? It’s certainly not in the retail management handbook!
related: office anthropomorphism
Tags: CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Florida · now that's management · retail hell · that's disrespectful · visual aids
Ruben in Pregon works for an Apple reseller where the managers like to fire up the sales team with little competitions. (iPhones don’t sell themselves, people! For that, you’ll have to hold out for version 2.0.)
When Josh, the store’s very own Dwight Schrute, was pronounced the winner of a recent contest, things unfolded pretty much the way you’d expect.
The only person more universally reviled than the office suckup? the new guy, of course.
Says Ruben: “Most of us are real sticklers for keeping track of new product, but recently we brought on this new guy, Victor, and he hasn’t been doing too well.” Ruben came into work one day to find this MacBook battery on one of the tech benches, along with these notes that explain the entire story in just nine words. (And three question marks.)
Ruben says this pwnage became less hilarious when Victor actually did end up getting fired. “Awwkard!”
related: Your last day of work was yesterday
Tags: confusion??? · fired · group bitchfest · office · Oregon · retail hell · whiteboard
Mishee was about to go ahead and just pay for that Snapple…until she saw this colorful little note at a drugstore in Sunnyvale, California. Phew!
UPDATE: Mishee (ever the overachiever) has returned to the scene to satisfy your curiosity about the signs behind the signs…and finds her Snapple-drinking plans foiled in the process!
related: If it weren’t for the toilet, there would be no books
Tags: "helpful" advice · bathroom · California · sad face · Silicon Valley · spelling and grammar police · unnecessary "quotation marks"
Many offices, it seems, are a regular Disneyland of what only appear to be inanimate objects. The evidence?
From Frank in San Francisco, a sentient sponge:
From Amy in Annapolis, Maryland, a talking toilet:
From Ben in San Antonio, Texas, a talking door:
And then there’s my favorite – from an anonymous submitter in Washington, D.C. – a talking (and walking) microwave:
(Most baffling…where on earth did that clip art come from?)
related: I guess that’s why
Tags: Annapolis · CAPS LOCK · cleaning · clip art catastrophe · confusion??? · D.C. · irregular capitalization · Maryland · microwave · opening/closing · San Antonio · San Francisco · Texas · toilet
Thanks to Sarah for capturing this delicious little slice of life from her Christian college in Illinois. (Delicious like a quart of Starbucks Coffee Almond Fudge, not one measly little low-fat Frappucino bar.)
related: but He took the wheel
Tags: apostrophe abuse · college life · excessive underlining · heart · ice cream · Illinois · irregular capitalization · not-so-veiled threats · spelling and grammar police · touching · You call that punctuation? · you're like so going to hell
The inimitable Jeff Rubin passes along this note from the foyer of his Park Slope apartment building. Yup, that’s what you think it is there on the floor. (Perhaps a hapless victim of the bag-tampering deliquent?)
(Jeff says the mess was cleaned up when he checked a few hours later.)
Meanwhile, elsewhere in Brooklyn, confusion still reigns.
related: Oh, shit!
Tags: Brooklyn · confusion??? · dogs · Park Slope · shit
Joe in Northern Virginia has amassed a pretty divine collection of office fridge notes over the years, the best of which portend various forms of karmic/economic/physical retribution.
related: It must have been a pretty big bite
Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · ellipses-crazed · food · karma's a bitch · licking · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · Reston · stealing · Virginia
Writes Deanne: “Because Orlando prides itself on being a friendly city, we tend to do most of our dirty work via passive-aggressive notes and signs. This one is from the front door of a tacky tourist shop on international drive. I can get past the reference to ‘plane rude’ but the ‘Macdonalds’ analogy is a stretch.” (I’d add that characterizing this as a safety concern is a bit of a stretch too, but I think the amazing clip art and the hand-drawn smiley are what really push this one over the top.)
Adds Deanne: “I’ve never brought a Burger King bag into McDonald’s, but that’s not because of fast food etiquette, just lack of time. I did bring a Macy’s bag into a Sears store, and I’ve never felt the least bit guilty about it!”
Tags: clip art catastrophe · etiquette · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Florida · Orlando · questionable logic · retail hell · smiley · spelling and grammar police
Laura spotted this punchline of a note (“you know it’s time to move out when…”) at her apartment building in downtown Brooklyn. Or rather, her former apartment building. It’s unclear whether the note-leaver was motivated by recent research suggesting that pictures of eyes may deter crime.
Meanwhile, Kim in Worcester, Massachusetts spotted a convenience store taking a similarly whimsical approach to theft prevention.
Tags: apostrophe abuse · Brooklyn · CAPS LOCK · excessive underlining · Massachusetts · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · stealing · the po-po · Worcester
I love how the notewriter quickly abandons the initial pretense here, then completely throws in the towel with the last line.
Thanks to Adam in San Francisco for spotting this masterpiece!
Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · CAPS LOCK · confusion??? · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · sad face · San Francisco · stealing