Entries Tagged as 'You call that punctuation?'

Did somebody say “snail mail”?

December 1st, 2010 · 107 Comments

Before her husband left on his first military deployment, Sarah in San Diego sent out an e-mail to the whole family with info about how everyone can stay in touch while he’s away. To avoid any potential in-law drama, she even had her husband read and sign off on the e-mail before sending. What neither Sarah nor her husband took into account? The Uncle Paul factor.

Her husband’s Uncle Paul, Sarah explains, is a mailman/postman/letter carrier — whatever the correct term is. (Based on Uncle Paul’s reply, she says, “I’m clearly not up enough on the intricate etiquette of the U.S. Postal Service to know.”)

Sarah oh Sarah, Greetings and Happy Post Thanksgiving. Congrats.........you have officially made

related: This is why your postal worker is disgruntled

Tags: e-mail · exclamation-point happy!!!! · family · going postal · holiday spirit · Oops?

What happens when you push “Minnesota Nice” one muddy step too far?

November 14th, 2010 · 81 Comments

Shortly after moving in to her new place in Minneapolis, Emily was greeted by this example of that famous “Minnesota Nice“ on a neighbor’s door.

Remove shoes before enter my place or else you will have some promblems with me. That goes for whoever whatever. Or else you won't be comming in here. And if I see any footprint mudd on my rug. I will snapout. believe that am tired of being nice to people

Remove your shoes. Or else you won't be cumming in my house. thats goes for whoever. if you don't remove your shoe's before enter my house or you ill have a promblem with me. and you will be getting my carpet clean. and the next bad as kid or whoever rip my sign off my door i will whoop there ass. I don't care who you is.

related: Your are welcome to our home

Tags: apostrophe catastrophe · irregular capitalization · Minneapolis/St. Paul · Minnesota · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · shoes · spelling and grammar police

Park on my privates again? No!

October 25th, 2010 · 128 Comments

Lisa from Toronto doesn’t try to hide the fact that this note was, uh, not exactly undeserved. “On a long weekend in Grand Bend, my boyfriend squeezed into a parking spot which partially placed his front tires on the edge of someone’s lawn,” she says. But if Lisa and her bf lost any sleep over their vehicular faux pas — and I’m guessing they didn’t — it seems like this note, which Lisa called “amazing,” would more than make up for it. Okay!

Why you bad park? No ticket! I have for son dealer plate! You ok? Fuck you guy! Okay! Park on my privates again? No! Bad park you.

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Clearly a non-native English speaker · double-entendre alert · exclamation-point happy!!!! · most popular notes of 2010 · Ontario · parking

People suck. (A valuable lesson for any 4-year-old)

October 21st, 2010 · 160 Comments

Cait spotted this artful example of parental passive-aggression “in front of a very, very wealthy residence” in New York’s East Village. “I get that ripping up the flowers was a douchey move,” Cait says, “but this seems a little over the top.”

To which I’d add: Um, yes. (They had me at the first semicolon.)

Dear Thief, A child helped to plant the flowers you stole - so that everyone could enjoy them. She is 4 years old and loves puzzles, nature, and learning new things. You have introduced the topic of 'stealing' into our conversations; and in response we are talking about anger, reasoning and loss. I'm telling you this because I would like you to replace the plants. I could say more offensive things that she cannot yet spell - but aren't, in a sometimes disappointing world; forgiveness and redemption greater things to believe in, and 'please' a nicer word to say - this is a request and an opportunity for yourself. Santa may come for you after all!

Meanwhile, across the globe, another 4-year-old was given a similar learning experience. In Australia, however, they don’t bother beating around the bush.*

To the person/s who ripped out the flowers - could you please explain your motives to the 4 year old who planted and watered them daily. He doesn't yet understand what an arsehole is!

*Apologies. Bad pun intended.

related: To the person who stole my flower (sniff)

Tags: Australia · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · guilt trip · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2010 · New York · rhetorical question · runaway run-on sentences · semicolon abuse · stealing · TL;DR · Won't somebody think of the children? · You call that punctuation?

Toto, I have a feeling we’re not at band camp anymore

October 20th, 2010 · 126 Comments

Michael is a music teacher in New York, and one of his students, Aleks, a clarinet player with 15 years experience, recently moved to the city to start his master’s degree. “Coming from Ohio, he had no idea what he was getting into when practicing clarinet in his apartment in Queens,” says Michael. “Now he knows.”

Dear Friend, Take take the flute and shove it up your ass. You have NO talent. Give your neighbors a break. if not we are going to break your hand's [sic]

related: Buskers & broomsticks

Tags: apostrophe catastrophe · CAPS LOCK · excessive underlining · most popular notes of 2010 · music · neighbors · noise · not-so-veiled threats · Queens

Just back away, slowly

October 19th, 2010 · 42 Comments

You’d think, as Jen from St. Louis did, that this carefully typed message (from the public toilet at the Golden Gate Bridge), is indisputably good advice.

Please use a piece of toilet paper before flushing.

But as Kim observed while studying abroad on the Caribbean island of St. Maarten, there’s an exception (explosion?) to every rule.

MADAME, PLEASE DON'T THROW TOILET PAPER IN THE TOILET BOWL BECAUSE IT WILL EXPOLDE [sic] ON YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

related: Poseidon’s a pervert

Tags: bizarro spacing · CAPS LOCK · Clearly a non-native English speaker · toilet · toilet paper · unnecessary "quotation marks" · WTF?

Sorry for the re-stealing

October 14th, 2010 · 79 Comments

Yup, says submitter Jeff in D.C., “that is the broken bike lock on top of the note.”

I’m imagining this notewriter totally whaling on that lock, rejoicing in triumph as the kidnapped bike is freed, and then, in a parting act of contrition, whipping out the Yorkie stationery, and I think the only thing more amusing would be if the cops showed up at precisely that moment.

This bike was stolen from me 2 Friday's [sic] ago near 14th and Q. I am taking it back now. Sorry for the re-stealing.

related: Dear Bike Thief, I am very sorry

Tags: apostrophe catastrophe · bicycle · D.C. · nice stationery · stealing

>>Crushing<< is mostly the better term

October 7th, 2010 · 90 Comments

Paul has lived in his apartment in Berlin for 15 months, but this note is the first time he’s heard a single complaint about his door. Especially annoying, Paul says, is the fact that it’s anonymous, “even though it could possibly have been written by only one of two people,” and that it’s written in English, “which most expats would consider an insult.”

Just another example of how — no matter smiley faces you sprinkle throughout — your oh-so-courteous anonymous note is probably just going to leave everyone more “pi**ed off.”

Dear Neighbours, some people livin here , are really pi**ed about the way, you close your door, when coming/leaving. >>Closing<< is usually the wrong term to describe this. >>Crushing<< is mostly the better term. If your door is broken , let it repair from our beloved [redacted] or Repair it yourself or Use your key to close it in a way, not bothering your neighbors. ....and kindly give this info your visitors too ;-) Greetz & Peace

related: Wie bitte(r)?

extra credit: “Greetz” [urbandictionary.com]

Tags: Berlin · Clearly a non-native English speaker · comma diarrhea · door-slamming · neighbors · noise · opening/closing · pointlessly self-censored profanity · sad face · smiley

Not to worry, I’m alive. Not that you’d care. I’m only your mother!

October 3rd, 2010 · 87 Comments

Our submitter and her brother — both adults — recently received this e-mail from their mother, who’s currently traveling (thus making telephone calls difficult). What ever did empty nesters do before e-mail?

So, that's it??? You are never going to email me again???  OK. Never mind about all the times I let you do really fun things. Love, Mom

(Actually, it’s pretty easy to imagine this in telegram form — just take out the word “email” and sub in <STOP> for all those question marks.)

related: Thanks, Mom, for reminding me why I moved out in the first place.

Tags: confusion??? · e-mail · guilt trip · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · signed with love

Way to rub it in, mates.

October 1st, 2010 · 53 Comments

Kelcy from London snapped this photo while this year’s Glastonbury Festival. “And yes, it was amazing,” she says. “Poor Tom!”

Our mate Tom (whose 12) couldn't make it this year, please text him and tell him what a great time you're having!!! THANKS

UPDATE: Prue from Manchester reports spotting a similar — slightly more aggressive — message at Glastonbury, too. “The crossed out bits were the ‘just ex’ girlfriend’s phone number and name (so one could send her an abusive message on Facebook),” Prue says. “Lovely.”

Our mate Jack was't allowed to come cos his

related: “Cheers, mate!” is not an acceptable tip in Texas

Tags: apostrophe catastrophe · ex drama · text message · U.K.