Our submitter and her brother — both adults — recently received this e-mail from their mother, who’s currently traveling (thus making telephone calls difficult). What ever did empty nesters do before e-mail?

(Actually, it’s pretty easy to imagine this in telegram form — just take out the word “email” and sub in <STOP> for all those question marks.)

related: Thanks, Mom, for reminding me why I moved out in the first place.

Kelcy from London snapped this photo while this year’s Glastonbury Festival. “And yes, it was amazing,” she says. “Poor Tom!”

UPDATE: Prue from Manchester reports spotting a similar — slightly more aggressive — message at Glastonbury, too. “The crossed out bits were the ‘just ex’ girlfriend’s phone number and name (so one could send her an abusive message on Facebook),” Prue says. “Lovely.”

related: “Cheers, mate!” is not an acceptable tip in Texas

Upon moving into their new college house this fall, Danny and his roommates at Boston College received this delightfully punctuated welcome letter from their next door neighbor — delivered via U.S. Postal Service, no less.

I, for one, can’t wait ’til the Ben Affleck adaptation comes out. We’ll have a “late night beer party” to celebrate!

related: Passive voice abuse

Which is your favorite ode to replacing the roll?

Entry #1, from Baltimore?

Entry #2, from New Orleans?

or Entry #3, from Long Island City?

related: Scatological poetry slam

These two notes — both from Oregon — give me the urge to grab a gigantic fistful of napkins…and then noisily blow my nose with them. I mean, really. Wouldn’t a simple “Al Gore Knows” have sufficed?

(Thanks to Anonymous in Wilsonville and Brad in Albany for submitting!)

related: Your light switch has blue balls.

Shortly after moving to Columbus, Ohio, Julie received a welcome-wagon visit from her new neighbors…in the form of a post-it note stuck to the side of her motorcycle. Her bike, which was parked on the public city street across from her house, had apparently disrupted the neighborhood’s unofficial parking “regimin.”

“I complied with the rules of their little microcosm,” Julie says, “but I also turned the note into an overhead, which was a real gold mine for the rhetoric class I was teaching at Ohio State.”

Adds Julie: “Incidentally, when parked perpendicularly, a motorcycle uses roughly 2.5 feet of street.”

related:  I shoveled this spot. IT’S MINE.

At Nat’s office in York, England, one of his coworkers has been trying to bully everyone into coughing up some cash for an (admittedly worthy) charitable cause.

In Nat’s opinion, however, her guilt-heavy fund-raising techniques might benefit from a little fine-tuning…especially given that all seven of those special “charity pens” were nicked from the office supply closet.

related: Starve on!

These notes — the first from on office in California, the second from an office in Arkansas — both seem like they’re following the same not-quite-finished flowchart for acceptable office paper usage.

Really, you’re in for a scolding no matter what. And as our submitter Hannah noticed — in this bizarre exchange from the copy room at a school in Spartanburg, South Carolina — contrition only seems to further incense the office Paper Nazis.

related: Nothing fosters community like shared networked printers!