Writes Susan in Delaware: “My family and I live in a very large apartment complex and recently discovered a mother cat and her five kittens living in the bushes. We called a local trap/neuter/return charity so that we could get the kittens and her mom basic vet care, shots, and neutering. We posted notes next to each trap explaining exactly what we were doing, and that all housecats with collars/tags would be immediately released.”
Over the course of a week, Susan says, no non-feral cats were caught, but for whatever reason one of the neighbors decided to steal all of the traps and replace them with this lovely note.
“The kicker of all this is that trapping feral cats actually protects the health of house cats,” Susan says. “Even if their cat did get accidentally picked up it would have gotten free vet care, since I’m the one coughing up $35 per cat for the honor of watching, baiting, and setting the traps multiple times per day.”
Adds Susan: “The ‘Yetters’ mentioned is a nearby liquor store. I assume the writer of this note spends a lot of time there.”
If you’ve ever been tempted to go through an off-limits “staff only” entrance, you might consider whether that rush of forbidden adrenaline is worth the possibility of entering a wormhole to an alternate “universe” where nothing is as it seems…even the most basic rituals of hygiene!
And if you think you can escape the way you came in…you’re sadly mistaken.
(“Thanks” to Pam in Texas, Tommy in Ohio, Lisa in Michigan, and Victor in Puerto Rico for their “submissions!”)
Is your toilet acting up again? Has your plumber already thrown up his hands and said he’s done everything he can? Perhaps it’s time you turned to Dr. Josiah Carberry, foremost expert in psychoceramics, to determine what’s really got your pot cracked.
Just take a look at these real-life examples:
1. Diagnosis: Irritable Bowl Syndrome
2. Diagnosis: Gross motor skill impairment
3. Diagnosis: Projection and Displacement behaviors potentially indicative of a narcissistic personality type…or too many episodes of The Sopranos
(Thanks to Adam in New York, Janet in Northern Virginia, and Tamie in Tampa for their submissions…and apologies to any readers offended by the excessive use of puns.)
Upon moving into their new college house this fall, Danny and his roommates at Boston College received this delightfully punctuated welcome letter from their next door neighbor — delivered via U.S. Postal Service, no less.
I, for one, can’t wait ’til the Ben Affleck adaptation comes out. We’ll have a “late night beer party” to celebrate!
Nadia in Greensboro, North Carolina spotted this gem of a “you break it, you buy it” specimen at a local thrift store. “Apparently,” she writes, “Secondhand Punctuation Has Its Drawbacks? You Can’t Pick And Choose? You Have To Make Do With What You Have On Hand? Handwritten Notes Are Not Exceptions?”
The D.C. tourist trap that Amy visited took a less tentative tack with its signage, though I doubt the “four times is better than one” approach is any more effective.
These two stores, on the other hand, pretty much nail it with reverse psychology.
I never understood the purpose of bleeping out one letter in a swear word. Do people really think that others can't figure out which word it is if a vowel is missing? "I'd like to buy a vowel. I just don't know what that word is!"