PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » unnecessary “quotation marks”

Your punishment for forgetting your reusable grocery bags

Kerry — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 03:29:23 +0000

Writes Kiki in Melbourne: “Have you ever seen a sack act so bitchy and sanctimonious all at once? I can’t believe a plastic bag’s attitude actually started to piss me off!”

Well, Kiki, it could be worse.

related: …and F the Polar Bear!
extra credit: I (don’t) use plastic bags.

Don’t be an ash-hole! Love, Mom

Kerry — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 23:20:28 +0000

“My friends’ mom has four cigarette-smoking daughters under one roof,” says our submitter in Cleveland. “She had to reach her breaking point eventually.”

related: Love, the Landlord

“Employees” must “wash hands” with “soap”

Kerry — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 23:36:57 +0000

If you’ve ever been tempted to go through an off-limits “staff only” entrance, you might consider whether that rush of forbidden adrenaline is worth the possibility of entering a wormhole to an alternate “universe” where nothing is as it seems…even the most basic rituals of hygiene!

And if you think you can escape the way you came in…you’re sadly mistaken.

(“Thanks” to Pam in Texas, Tommy in Ohio, Lisa in Michigan, and Victor in Puerto Rico for their “submissions!”)

related: The ladies room is for “women”

Diagnosis: Toilet (an exercise in psychoceramics)

Kerry — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 00:06:40 +0000

Is your toilet acting up again? Has your plumber already thrown up his hands and said he’s done everything he can? Perhaps it’s time you turned to Dr. Josiah Carberry, foremost expert in psychoceramics, to determine what’s really got your pot cracked.

Just take a look at these real-life examples:

1. Diagnosis: Irritable Bowl Syndrome

2. Diagnosis: Gross motor skill impairment

3. Diagnosis: Projection and Displacement behaviors potentially indicative of a narcissistic personality type…or too many episodes of The Sopranos

(Thanks to Adam in New York, Janet in Northern Virginia, and Tamie in Tampa for their submissions…and apologies to any readers offended by the excessive use of puns.)

Just back away, slowly

Kerry — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 21:39:34 +0000

You’d think, as Jen from St. Louis did, that this carefully typed message (from the public toilet at the Golden Gate Bridge), is indisputably good advice.

But as Kim observed while studying abroad on the Caribbean island of St. Maarten, there’s an exception (explosion?) to every rule.

related: Poseidon’s a pervert

The neighborhood warning wagon

Kerry — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 22:33:07 +0000

Upon moving into their new college house this fall, Danny and his roommates at Boston College received this delightfully punctuated welcome letter from their next door neighbor — delivered via U.S. Postal Service, no less.

I, for one, can’t wait ’til the Ben Affleck adaptation comes out. We’ll have a “late night beer party” to celebrate!

related: Passive voice abuse

The dos and don’ts of “Do not touch”

Kerry — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 02:56:59 +0000

Nadia in Greensboro, North Carolina spotted this gem of a “you break it, you buy it” specimen at a local thrift store. “Apparently,” she writes, “Secondhand Punctuation Has Its Drawbacks? You Can’t Pick And Choose? You Have To Make Do With What You Have On Hand? Handwritten Notes Are Not Exceptions?”

The D.C. tourist trap that Amy visited took a less tentative tack with its signage, though I doubt the “four times is better than one” approach is any more effective.

These two stores, on the other hand, pretty much nail it with reverse psychology.

related: As Davy Crockett once said…

Napoleon Dynamite Complex

Kerry — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 05:45:33 +0000

Writes our anonymous submitter in Minneapolis: “I received this note — and accompanying tater tots — from a co-worker (a balding, 40-year-old male) who had been making false reports about me to our manager and was caught doing so.” (We’re talking hardcore, premeditated sabotage here, so calling himself “a bit of a jerk” was probably “a bit of an understatement.”)

The strangest part, says our submitter? “I do not work in an establishment that serves tater tots.”

related: Daddy’s little smartass

Don’t feed the cat (or the trolls)

Kerry — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 02:23:59 +0000

Hey, so do you remember hearing about how crazy cat ladies might be explained by the Toxoplasma parasite? (No? Then listen to this episode of Radiolab. It’s pretty awesome.) Well, Toxo may or may not explain these notes.

Exhibit a) Spotted by Shane at an office in Upland, California…

Exhibit b) From an apartment building in Austin, Texas…

related: cat fight!

extra credit: Radiolab: Parasites

So…the water cooler’s hosting rainbow parties again?

Kerry — Wed, 13 May 2009 13:00:00 +0000

Spotted above the office “water cooler” by “Josh” in Boston…

related: and all the pieces matter

Sheena is a paintballer

Kerry — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 00:03:47 +0000

Where do you suppose this “anomous” Tampa, Florida resident stands on the whole nature-vs.-nurture debate?

Interested? here’s a free preview!

Bozo kids" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3268/2628715140_8e92e0bbd7.jpg" alt="Crappy parents > Bozo kids" width="250" height="374" />

related: your to lazy

And God knows what

Kerry — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 07:33:33 +0000

Most drivers could easily identify these duct-tape wrapped shapes as the universal sign for “Caution: Crazy Person Ahead,” but our submitter in Boston actually pulled over and parked in order to get a better look. Up close, “the signs were even crazier than we thought,” she reports. “Seriously, what happened to this guy?”

related: Movin’ out (Anthony’s song)

Maybe “no teenagers” would have been simpler

Kerry — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 11:08:15 +0000

Our anonymous submitter spotted this signage at a homemade water park somewhere near Cherry Point, South Carolina.

related: And pull up your pants

It takes a “genius” to come up with a potluck theme like this one

Kerry — Wed, 28 May 2008 23:57:59 +0000

Dealing with the rantings of your crazy boss or overzealous receptionist is one thing, but what do you do when your office’s resident passive-aggressive note-leaver doesn’t even work there? Casey in San Diego (a.k.a. RunBarbara) says that’s the situation she’s found herself in at her job.

The offender, Sandra, “has met me a total of twice, both times for less than a minute,” Casey says. Yet for some reason, when Sandra (the aunt of the owner) stops by the office once a week to water the plants and drop off supplies, “she leaves these strange notes EVERYWHERE — and she almost always directs questions about said notes to me,” Casey says. “I often have no idea she posts these notes until someone asks me about the odd directions in them.”

Below, a small sampling of Sandra’s delightfully bizarrre directives. (Just click on the photos to enlarge.)

I’d like to think this note was posted immediately following the “potluck”…

related: The return of Thx Sandra!