passive-aggressive (and just plain aggressive) notes

yours truly? yours goddamn truly?

kerry — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 03:59:47 +0000

writes our anonymous submitter: “i work in a flower shop, and this guy came in today to have us deliver flowers to his girlfriend. after he wrote the card, he asked us to check to make sure the spelling of ‘anniversary’ was right…even though it was right there on the card!”

now, as for the message…”but it’s a joke!” you say? well, to quote scott wetzler, a clinical psychologist and author of living with the passive-aggressive man: “a joke can be the most skillful passive-aggressive act there is.”

related: really though — carnations?

i, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

kerry — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:21:07 +0000

this martyr alert spotted by randy on the breakroom fridge of his office in chico, california…

related: hostile takeover

repestect yourself

kerry — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 03:06:11 +0000

presenting the winner of the creative spelling (and spacing) of the year award, spotted by rob in the recently-painted elevator of his brooklyn apartment building.

it has a lovely lyric quality to it, no?

related: your are welcome to our home

one can only hope you won’t be giving the wedding toast

kerry — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 01:11:25 +0000

at a recent wedding that allison in raleigh, n.c. attended, the bride asked that, instead of signing a guestbook, wedding guests write their wishes for the couple on fabric squares that would later be made into a memory quilt. when allison saw this one sitting on top, she couldn’t resist snapping a photo.

related: taboo: the game of unsolicited douchebaggery

and those cheetos were my baby’s yellow dye #6

kerry — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 13:38:21 +0000

this (long-overdue) all-staff e-mail is like a fetus-sized version of one of my favorite self-righteous masterpieces. (how this one got buried in my inbox for so long, i have no idea.)

it comes to us courtesy of jennifer in chapel hill, n.c., who notes: “in this instance, ‘local users,’ is everyone in our corporate hq — including the president, vice presidents, directors, legal counsel, etc., who don’t typically utilize the refrigerator in the staff break room.”

extra credit: stfu, parents

make an effing wish

kerry — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 18:26:54 +0000

rachel spotted this on a frat house fridge in champaign, illinois, adding: “said fridge was indeed revolting.”

meanwhile, helen swiped this from an equally revolting frat house in vancouver. adds helen: “the reason why it is so ripped up is because a frat boy saw me steal the note and we fought for it for a while.”

related: how hazing rituals are born

subtle on the nose, with an oddly cloying finish

kerry — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 00:40:48 +0000

writes devra in san luis obispo, california: “i’m visiting my parents in napa, where they both work at wineries. they recently found out that i smoke cigarettes, and though i’m sure they disapprove, there has been little to no discussion on the matter. my mom wanted me to go with her to a tasting today, so she printed out directions from google maps with this note written on it. i found it waiting on my bedside table when i woke up.”

NOTE: edited, at mom’s request, to remove identifying details about the winery.

related: and pull up your pants!

when internet memes go wrong IRL

kerry — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 17:30:08 +0000

spotted by tessa’s brother during his travels through america…

(this is one of those where the passive-aggressive part isn’t the note itself.)

related: passive-allergic

extra credit: stuffonmycat.com

consider this

kerry — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 17:00:45 +0000

evan in san diego spotted this bilingual warning in a local thrift store. “i particularly enjoy the vaguely racist implication of the spanish translation,” evan adds. “it’s the only sign in the store (among dozens) that’s en espanol.”

related: when nature calls

soyf*ckers anonymous

kerry — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 19:54:14 +0000

spotted by our anonymous (and uninvolved) submitter on the office bulletin board at a “super mega corp” in columbus, ohio…where apparently a vegan “safe space” is, um, kind of in order. (sob)

related: p.s. bacon is life

extra credit: passive-aggressive vegan grocery cashier, a day in the life [mcsweeneys]

happy reinforcing gender stereotypes day!

kerry — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 16:47:20 +0000

writes jim in colorado: “when i attempt to cook, i typically use way too many pots, pans and utensils and sometimes tend to skip instructions. (i actually made hard boiled eggs and set the smoke detectors off.) anyway, the other night i made cheeseburger pie and forgot to precook the meat. i woke up the next morning and found this on the refrigerator.” oh, dad!

related: no reading required, kids

…but i hope it was good

kerry — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 15:12:22 +0000

…because there’s no measure of self-worth more important than the public acknowledgment that you were, in fact, born.

related: but…but…i didn’t forget!

in other words…the butterflies are passive-aggressive

kerry — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 15:31:33 +0000

writes dan in seattle: “i work at a federal hospital and often ride my motorcycle to work. there is another hospital employee that also does so, and we usually park in the same area. space is at a premium —especially around this woman and her self-proclaimed 10-foot-wide protected parking bubble. another time she left me a note asking me not to block her in (when I hadn’t blocked her in!) but this latest note from her is the best encounter by far. i parked behind her about a foot back, leaving plenty —and I mean plenty — of room for her to pull out, but apparently that wasn’t enough for her.”

this time, dan says, “for the safety of my motorcycle (and obviously, out of spite), i told the police.” lucky for us, he scanned a copy of the note first. it’s the totally “biker chick” stationery that makes it, of course.

related: hello kancer!

a text from the big guy upstairs (or downstairs)

kerry — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 01:32:03 +0000

as far as he can tell, chris in portland thinks this anonymous text was sent by his downstairs neighbor after a morning of hitting the snooze button one too many times. “needless to say,” chris admits, “this was not the first time i had ignored the alarm clock.”

what’s strange, chris says, is that he has no idea how the neighbor got a hold of his cell phone number. “my only thought is that about a month prior to receiving this text, i left my phone number on a post-it on the front door of the building so the UPS delivery guy could get a hold of me. they must have held onto that number the whole time, just waiting for the absolute breaking point.”

creepy…but kind of genius, right?

related: recipe for roommate discord