PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

I judge you as fat

Kerry — Mon, 21 May 2012 18:55:04 +0000

Eerac and I met up in Barcelona last week, where we climbed lots and lots of stairs. The one time we didn’t, of course, the Metro station totally called us out.

Eric and I are still climbing stairs (now in Poland and Portugal, respectively), where we haven’t yet seen any similar signs. Back in the States, however, Christine in L.A. spotted this rather harsh version in the elevator of a 7-story university residence hall.

Hundreds & Thousands (of bad things will befall you)

Kerry — Sat, 19 May 2012 23:49:45 +0000

The good news? Stealing sprinkles from this New Jersey yogurt shop won’t lead to eternal damnation!

Thanks to Lauren in Princeton, NJ for submitting!

related: Wrath of the Ancients

Admit it, you hate us.

Kerry — Thu, 17 May 2012 13:36:53 +0000

A few months ago, Christie in North Carolina joined a group on Meetup.com, but never found the time to attend any of the actual meetups. This, it seems, is a serious breach of Meetup netiquette. Recently, the group’s owner did Christie the favor of explaining why she was being kicked out of the group — for her own benefit, of course.

More to come on that in the DSM V

Kerry — Tue, 15 May 2012 07:40:32 +0000

Explains Kevin in Los Angeles: ”The hospital basement has a corridor lined with call rooms assigned to the residents from various medical specialties. While the department of medicine easily surpasses all other specialties in number of reserved rooms, they have started squatting in other rooms as well. It looks like the psych residents were not pleased by this antisocial behavior.”

related: A little bit of psycho-therapy

FYI from your neighbors across the way

Kerry — Mon, 14 May 2012 09:01:58 +0000

Nicola in Edinburgh woke up and opened the shades one morning to discover this message from the flat directly across the street. “After all my flatmates were questioned about what they have been up to last night, we decided it must be the flat next to ours,” she says.

related: The Devil’s Orchestra

A diarrhea-only toilet?

Kerry — Thu, 10 May 2012 21:27:15 +0000

Well, this is a new one.

“Just…wow,” says our submitter in Springfield, Illinois. “I’ve never been told that I have to assess my the consistency of my fecal matter prior to it leaving my body.”

related: How you say diarrhea politely?

Elevation Frustration

Kerry — Wed, 09 May 2012 01:14:39 +0000

Ashley says the elevator in this downtown Columbus parking garage has been out of commission for over a week now, forcing those on the upper levels to (egads!) use the stairs.

“The stairwell is, admittedly, quite unpleasant, and is occasionally home to pools of urine,” Ashley says. “But as someone who has never used the elevator for the year that I have been parking there, it’s hard for me to muster sympathy for the writer’s supposed urine-soaked hems. Perhaps he or she should invest in a tailor?”

Meanwhile, the people who share this employee parking garage in Los Angeles seem to have become resigned to their fate.

As Candice explains, “There used to be a piece of tape holding the first floor button so it wouldn’t get stuck on random floors. After the city inspector come in, the tape disappeared and instead it was declared (indefinitely) ‘out of service.’”

This discombobulation will not stand.

Kerry — Mon, 07 May 2012 22:58:14 +0000

“While stopping for our millionth potty break,” a road-tripping Rachel from Atlanta pondered the circumstances that could have inspired this intolerable discombobulation at a Tennessee gas station. “I don’t know what happened,” she says, “but that’s a hell of a lot of exclamation marks!!!”

p.s. dis·com·bob·u·la·tion, noun — confusion: a feeling of embarrassment that leaves you confused

related: Pain (and disgust) at the pump

60% of the time it works every time

Kerry — Sat, 05 May 2012 18:40:43 +0000

Pat in London works for a large office, where, unfortunately for the many java addicts on staff, the coffeemaker has a habit of breaking down. Also, Pat says, “It’s an advertising agency, so there are lots of grammar pedants.” The result?

A belated birthday/thank you card

Kerry — Wed, 02 May 2012 22:14:37 +0000

Ashley in Sheffield received this lovely belated birthday card from a neighbo(u)r.

(Nicely done, Laura.)

Busted by Sir Richard Carlisle

Kerry — Tue, 01 May 2012 22:00:35 +0000

Matt and his girlfriend were taking a stroll through her parents’ neighborhood (of mostly-legal manor homes?) when they came across this pile of aging newspapers.

“We thought it was good of the employer to be willing to give the delivery boy a chance to explain himself,” Matt says. “However, the sign remains.”

extra credit: Arrested Downton

Cactus killer, qu’est-ce que c’est?

Kerry — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 02:07:39 +0000

She likes her humor like she likes her cactus: dry.

related: “Just feed me to the cat.”

A serenity prayer with bite

Kerry — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 05:20:05 +0000

Kelli in North Dakota says one of her neighbors plastered the entire building with these notes, directed to a certain wannabe baseball player/bull rider/oral cancer patient.

(Some not-so-fun facts: At 15.3%, North Dakota has the second-highest rate in the country of tobacco-chewing high schoolers. Among North Dakotan adult males, about 1 in 10 chews.)

Meanwhile, here in Texas, submitter Katie is unsure whether her neighbors’ cars are being pelted with the likes of Copenhagen or queso. (In Texas, it really could go either way.)

Well, it’s not a horse’s head in your bed…

Kerry — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 00:02:57 +0000

Kayla says this message was left in the dorm laundry room after a girl’s clothes disappeared.

(I can just see the snarky follow-ups now…”Awesome! Free goldfish!”)