sigh. half the people in your department just got pink-slipped, your 401(k) is worth shit, and now, just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse…they’re coming for your muffin, too.
all in the name of shareholder value!

(leaked by sayf in greenwich, connecticut.)
related: lean cuisine
extra credit: morgan stanley cancels christmas, jobs [dealbreaker]

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from sasha in new york: evidence that the financial crisis has begun to trickle down to joe six-pack.

related: desperate times

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writes harry in new york: “my roomie sent me this e-mail two weeks after telling me i need to move out.  i guess it’s a case of retroactive passive-aggression on my part.”

in his own defense, harry adds, “the ‘light’ is a nightlight and the ‘AC’ is a window fan.”
related: some creative brainstorming and flexible thinking

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lindsey in scottsdale, arizona was less than pleased to find this post-it from her roommate when she stepped into the shower one morning. “there’s only three of us in the apartment, so it’s not hard to ask either of us,” she says. “and for the record, I’ve never used her stuff!”

related: clarifying motion #2
extra credit: [...]

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despite the logo on this breakroom note, nikki in fresno doesn’t work at starbucks. (she just wishes she does.)

related: be curtius

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“a few years back i was living in a halfway house in canberra where theft from the communal kitchen was a common problem,” writes alex in australia. “one morning we woke to discover that the fridge had gone missing.” (the coffee in question was stolen from a cupboard, but apparently the owner thought removing the [...]

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writers an anonymous social networker in gainesville, florida: “this guy and his (ex) roommate are friends of mine on facebook, and they’ve been bickering back and forth for months now, airing their grievances for everyone to see.” the girl eventually moved out, our submitter says, but it seems like maybe — just maybe — [...]

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“this is from my shrink’s office,” explains our anonymous submitter in wisconsin. “ironically, I was going to them to help me resolve issues with my spouse’s passive-aggressive tendencies.”

can’t you just feel the repressed anger in the sudden drop-off in punctuation?  (after all, if you’re not gonna use three exclamation points, why bother?)
related: perhaps it’s time [...]

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ellen in san francisco says this note is but the latest development in what has become a toilet paper-thin relationship with her passive-aggressive roommate. it started two months ago, she says, when her roommate “decided after six months of sharing that i was no longer allowed to use her toilet paper. i should mention that [...]

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writes our anonymous submitter: “i work as a payment processor for a local ambulance company. i see lots of notes scribbled on bills, but this one was a first. at least he/she is honest! :)”

related: three cents for the saliva

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while you were drunk-texting your latest eugene mirman sighting to all your pals, more industrious folk like bryan from minneapolis, betsy from l.a., and adele from montreal were documenting the champagne of comedic gold served up by the austin bartenders.

related: reporting not-exactly-live from sxsw

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before i pass out, i bring you a few of my favorite more-aggressive-than-passive notes from the music clubs of austin.
first, from the scoot inn…

more bouncer sass from (i think) beerland…

and lastly, from emo’s…

related: i used to be your biggest fan

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julie spotted this amazing note on new york’s lower east side…

(dude, how ominous are those ellipses?)
related: movin’ out (anthony’s song)

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this series comes to us from an anonymous office worker in sydney, australia, who explains: “despite our multi-million dollar profits, some people in our office are really attached to our company’s bottom line.”

UPDATE: the saga continues!
related: excuse me, i believe you have my stapler

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“we really don’t hate the holidays,” says our anonymous foreign-policy elf in washington, d.c., “just passive-aggressive coworkers.”

related: perhaps a committee to assess the health of the committee?

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“our CA (community advisor) posted this friendly note on our bathroom door,” says our submitter, a college student in milwaukee.
the dorm residents — apparently a libertarian-minded bunch — were pissed about frequent CAD (common area damage) charges for putting recyclables in the trash instead of the mandatory recycling bin. they took a break from ranking [...]

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i think what fascinates me most about this e-mail, from the head of the party planning committee — excuse me, “fun fund” — at an office in toronto, is the subject line. not only does the writer ignore the obvious “let them eat cake,” she vetoes the direct approach (”hey, fatty“) in favor of the [...]

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“apparently i needed to help pay for the growing internet bill,” says our anonymous submitter from boston. “this was the only way i was notified: no connection and a wireless LAN reprogrammed with a new password.”

but password-protecting your network is actually a relatively direct (and dare i say, more effective) approach compared to this…

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thanks to gina in flemington, n.j. for forwarding along these e-mails between a coworker and her former roommate regarding a $22 gas bill. click to enlarge!

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as a little weekend bonus, i bring you this post from the smith daily jolt’s alumnae forum. yes, it’s long.

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