many offices, it seems, are a regular disneyland of what only appear to inanimate objects. the evidence? from frank in san francisco, a talking sponge:
from amy in annapolis, a talking toilet:
from ben in san antonio, a talking door:
and then there’s my favorite – from an anonymous submitter in washington, d.c. – a talking (and walking) microwave:
(most baffling…where on earth did that clip art come from?)
related: i guess that’s why
65 responses so far ↓
#1
FurryThomas
These objects are sentient? Could it be voodoo?
Dec 29, 2007 at 2:45 pm rating: +1
#2
cvp
Ugh! that sponge already looks icky!
Dec 29, 2007 at 2:52 pm rating: +1
#3
Wade
So, shutting the door will not only keep vagrants, thieves and local skateboards out, but also keep wayward microwaves in.
Dec 29, 2007 at 2:55 pm rating: +6
#4
Wade
Um, how do you enter or exit through a shut door?
Dec 29, 2007 at 2:56 pm rating: +2
#5
cvp
These radiation waves are made for walking…
Dec 29, 2007 at 3:01 pm rating: +3
#6
Canthz_B
A true gentleman always rinses after use to keep things from getting “icky”.
Dec 29, 2007 at 3:06 pm rating: 0
#7
Canthz_B
I played hide and go seek all wrong. I could flush them but never did I wipe anyone’s seat.
Dec 29, 2007 at 3:12 pm rating: +2
#8
Crash
Damn !!! I knew there wasn’t really a sock monster….They just walked off.
I was wondering if Toy Story was based on a true story….lol
Dec 29, 2007 at 3:14 pm rating: +1
#9
amy d
Use me. Abuse me. Help me grow microbes. Thanks, Sadomasochistic Sponge
Dec 29, 2007 at 3:16 pm rating: +2
#10
Crash
That carpet looks radioactive, maybe it’s the life force of the talking door.
Dec 29, 2007 at 3:23 pm rating: +1
#11
Crash
Since the microwave is alive and has limbs of it’s own….Why can’t it just clean itself ?
Dec 29, 2007 at 3:30 pm rating: +4
#12
Nattie
how can they use the sponge at all if it’s taped to a note?
and i have to agree with Wade, entering through a closed door must be painful.
Dec 29, 2007 at 3:52 pm rating: +1
#13
Kelly
Tonight at 5 - An office microwave that goes by the codename “Mr. Clean” fled the scene after a murderous rampage on several dirty sponges. It is believed it was assisted by John “Dirty Seat” Porta and Alwaysopens McKenzie. Suspect is still on the loose, and is considered to be armed and legged.
Dec 29, 2007 at 3:52 pm rating: +10
#14
Canthz_B
Spelling Sponges, Testy Toilets, Demanding Doors and Ambulatory Appliances..oh, my!
Dec 29, 2007 at 3:52 pm rating: +4
#15
Crash
Note #2
So not only do I have to wipe my ass, but also the toilets ass….I think I’ll go for a talking bush next time, wait….God might have something to say about that….Ummm….
Dec 29, 2007 at 3:53 pm rating: +2
#16
anglophile
A nervous microwave
An angry microwave
Anthropomorphic microwave clip art for all your emotional needs!
Dec 29, 2007 at 4:04 pm rating: +1
#17
anglophile
A communal office sponge is probably in the top five on the Grossest Things You Will Ever Touch List. Whole civilizations are growing in there. Team Paper Towels!
Dec 29, 2007 at 4:09 pm rating: +1
#18
WickedLady
My god! Cleaning the microwave with that filthy radioactive sponge was the worst thing I’ve ever done. Not only does it threaten to leave, it has three legs!
Dec 29, 2007 at 4:21 pm rating: +1
#19
anglophile
Hey, is that Anthony Grosso’s sponge?
Thank you sponge!
Dec 29, 2007 at 4:38 pm rating: 0
#20
Douglas Keachie
A microwave that flushes ? If you rinse your sponges in cloroxy clenser water, and then microwave them on high for one minute, that actually will make them smell a lot nicer. Even if you use them to clean the toilet seat, maybe, but not at our house. It is forbidden. Used food and new food to not get to associate with one another. Don’t forget to close the door, lower the lid, on the way out. spacey today, too much advil makes my brain evil, or at least ill.
Dec 29, 2007 at 4:39 pm rating: +1
#21
Canthz_B
What the heck? To “Wake Me, Shake Me”, The Four Tops:
Use me,
Rinse me,
I get sticky.
Come on and wash me,
Squeeze me,
Then I won’t get icky.
When you finish,
Washing off your dish,
Come on and cleanse me.
You know that you’ll see,
If you take care of me,
Honey, you’ll keep me happy.
Dec 29, 2007 at 4:54 pm rating: +3
#22
Robin Claire
haha! I love these.
If only my inanimate objects could object to being treated poorly…
Dec 29, 2007 at 5:22 pm rating: 0
#23
WickedLady
To the song These Boots:
Mike the talking (and walking) microwave
I keep saying you’ve got something to do
A nice clean bath is all I ask
But all you do is use me for cookin’
You want your food, but keep forgetting your task
These legs are made for walking
That’s just what they’ll do
If you don’t clean me soon, I’ll stop with warming food for you
I believe you bought me for a reason
Don’t you want me to keep your food warm?
That dirty sponge turned me into a mutant
With arms and legs, a voice to talk, I’ll transform
These legs are made for walking
That’s just what they’ll do
If you don’t clean me soon, I’ll stop with warming food for you
I’m the dirty microwave who won’t take this no more
What’s all this neglecting for?
I’ll pack my bags, its time for me to run
Step aside
I’m gonna go outside
Where my legs at?
Should’ve cleaned me, brat
These legs are made for walking
That’s just what they’ll do
If you don’t clean me soon, I’ll stop with warming food for you
Dec 29, 2007 at 5:46 pm rating: +5
#24
Wade
With thanks to Garbage - I Think I’m Paranoid
I Think I’m So Annoyed
You don’t wipe and you don’t flush
I don’t think I like you much
Heaven knows what is on that seat
Heaven knows why things can’t stay neat
I think I’m so annoyed anthropomorphic
I think I’m so annoyed, it makes me feel sick
Use me rinse me
I’m your sponge you need me
All I want from you
Use me rinse me
Don’t let me get icky
And I will thank you
I stay shut just to give me a thrill
Prop me open I will be ill
If you exit, or if you enter
Shut me tight ‘cause it’s freaking winter
I think I’m so annoyed, it makes me feel sick
I think I’m so annoyed, anthropomorphic
Use me rinse me
I’m your sponge you need me
All I want from you
Use me rinse me
Don’t let me get icky
And I will thank you
I think I’m so annoyed
I think I’m so annoyed
Use me rinse me
I’m your sponge you need me
All I want from you
Use me rinse me
Don’t let me get icky
And I will thank you
Stain me, strain me, anyway you pain me
Burn me, flame me, you can never change me
Love me, lock me, come ahead and try me
Please me, clean me, or just watch me leave ye
Use me rinse me
I’m your sponge you need me
As long as you wash me baby it’s alright
Use me rinse me
I’m your sponge you need me
As long as you wash me baby it’s alright
Dec 29, 2007 at 7:13 pm rating: +6
#25
Canthz_B
Schwing!
Dec 29, 2007 at 7:23 pm rating: +1
#26
Jay
I love how the second one gives off completely the wrong vibe. Did you? Did you touch me? NOTHING GIVES YOU THAT RIGHT!
Dec 29, 2007 at 7:47 pm rating: +1
#27
Writerrejected
Microwave, sponge, and toilet seat, clean thyself.
Dec 29, 2007 at 10:00 pm rating: +2
#28
Wade
So, if we chase the microwave into the bathroom, toss it the sponge and shut the door, all problems solved.
Dec 29, 2007 at 10:13 pm rating: +3
#29
WastedDaze
Walking and talking? Looks like it didn’t take until 2011 to get that microwave after all:
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/07/19/to-each-his-own-microwave/#comments
Dec 29, 2007 at 10:21 pm rating: +1
#30
Detective Julie
Use me, scrub me, any way you want me, long as you rinse me, it’s alright!
Dec 29, 2007 at 11:03 pm rating: +2
#31
Patty O. Furniture
I think the question is, did the clip art inspire the missive, or did the missive inspire the clip art?
Dec 29, 2007 at 11:55 pm rating: +1
#32
Canthz_B
When one door closes, isn’t another supposed to open? It’s a catch-22!
Dec 30, 2007 at 1:01 am rating: 0
#33
Canthz_B
That kinky microwave just wants a sponge bath.
Dec 30, 2007 at 1:03 am rating: 0
#34
Canthz_B
How hard do you have to wipe to take the seat clean off a toilet?
Dec 30, 2007 at 1:05 am rating: +1
#35
Wade
to answer the question “Where on earth did that (walking microwave) clip art come from?”
why, our old friends at Microsoft Online Clip Art Gallery. It is one of a series of anthropomorphic objects (traffic cones, movie tickets, etc) known collectively as Style 1257.
The more you know….
Dec 30, 2007 at 8:22 am rating: +1