“I haven’t had a close relationship with my grandparents since I graduated from college 14 years ago,” writes Lindsay in Nashville. “I only see them a couple of times a year, so it’s typically pretty awkward when we get together. I have nothing against them, but they haven’t been involved with my life in so long it’s almost like we’re acquaintances, rather than family.”

This masterpiece is what Lindsay received this year for her birthday.

Adds Lindsay: “They have written me, my sister and my mother out of their will multiple times — though we’re all reinstated now, as far as I know.”

related: Smack! Right in the feels.

Writes our submitter in Cambridge, UK: “There’s a master’s student living in our shared student house — the kind who lives off hemp protein and lentils. Anyway, the house has an hallway running through the middle, with his room on one side and a landing on the other. This note appeared on the landing the other day. I think it has the perfect combination of smiley faces, violent threats, love and climate change.”

related: Pure, unadulterated corporate greed! 

Holly in Glendale, Arizona says her one-year-old daughter just learned how to walk, and (as toddlers do)  enjoys toddling around the apartment. Holly and her husband have tried explaining this to the downstairs neighbors, to no avail. “They bang on the ceiling, which scares the living sh*t out of my little girl,” Holly says, and have called the cops  — “whose response was to apologize for disturbing us.”

Now, Holly says, “As soon as my one-year-old walks into the kitchen, the woman who lives below us will immediately run up our stairs and throw herself against our door, screaming and threatening us.”

I feel you, Holly, but maybe those “my first stilettos” are a bit much?

related: Please walk your elephant quietly!

extra credit: A baby elephant takes its first steps [youtube]

Alexandria in Australia says that the card she got from her parents on her 18th birthday (below) “is a pretty good summary of my formative years.”

Dear Alexandra,

I think this card expresses the fact that, although we both love you very much we find it hard to say, just like you do. All the best for your adulthood.

Dad

With bells on! Love Mum

related: Really, Mom, you shouldn’t have.

Look out Keebler Elves, cookies have a new mascot… in Poland anyway, where Karolina spotted this note warning her and her fellow coworkers not to indulge in any mid-shift snacking.

Arguably a bit severe, but hey, as Kristie from San Antonio let us know, when you say it with a cookie, you speak from the heart.

Related: “Too many”

Joanna in Boston says this started with “have a blessed day,” and has continued to escalate from there.

related: Fish cookies, anyone?

“My mom mistakenly picked up a birthday card for my sister’s graduation,” writes our submitter in Canada. “The real gold, of course, is in what she decided to cross out.”

related: For the conditionally beautiful bride

Michael in Las Vegas went to pick up his mail today and spotted this cocky little note:

related: Your ultra charmin’ neighbor

Sarah in Philadelphia calls this note, from a much-beloved bookstall at the Reading Terminal Market, “the single most adorable and passive aggressive note I have ever read in my life.”

Meanwhile, as Jenna shows us with this sign from an Albuquerque Antiques Mall, the “adorable” approach doesn’t work for everyone.

related: May you get a seriously itchy bum!

Any Portlanders know the story behind this sign? Our submitter, Sarah, is wondering, and now I am, too.

Aaaaand we have an answer. Thanks, Misti!

related: raw chicken + orgasms = ?