Things that go bump in the night

November 17th, 2013 · 52 comments

Today on Passive-Aggressive Poetry Corner: A note our submitter from Maryland found slid under the door of her top-floor apartment.

Roses are red Violets are blue You're real loud Here's a list of things you do:  1. you stomp real loud like a hefalump 2. you move your furniture like you're an interior designer 3. there is a weird noise that happens in your common area 4. the steps you take sound like forced stomps 5. the loud noises happen at all hours We understand that you don't have to listen to people above you but please realize there are people underneath you

related: Ever wonder what it would be like sharing an office with William Carlos Williams?

→ 52 CommentsFILED UNDER: Maryland · neighbors · noise · pure poetry


Fish fingers and custard, then, yeah?

November 13th, 2013 · 36 comments

Our submitter, Gavin, saw this note displayed prominently on the wall in the lounge/bar area of a 104-year-old fishermen’s club in Sussex, England.

“I found it quite touching that they’d selected tomato-coloured ink to write the note in no-nonsense Times New Roman ALL CAPS,” Gavin says. And while he hasn’t a clue as to the identity of the culprit or the circumstances involved, “I doubt that this person is popular with the club committee.”

COULD THE PERSON WHO KEEPS THROWING TOMATO JUICE ALL OVER THE FLOOR HERE PLEASE STOP WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE

related: Trust me, I’m the Doctor.

→ 36 CommentsFILED UNDER: I know who you are · so this is a thing? · U.K.


Unthightly and unsymphatetic

November 12th, 2013 · 62 comments

Alrighty, folks. Yesterday’s “millennial-bashing” post seemed to stir up outdoor-cat levels of ire, so I think it’s time for a day of healing. I’ll even set aside the issue of “passive-aggressive” vs. “just straightforward aggressive.” Cheap laughs for all, courtesy of Sarah in Providence and Peter in New York!

PLEASE CLOSE DOOR  THIGHTLY AT ALL TIMES. BETTER SAFE THEM SORRY.

'Gentlements' be 'symphatetic enough' not to use: 'ladies restroom' thanks management

related: “Employees” must “wash hands” with “soap”

→ 62 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · spelling and grammar police · unnecessary "quotation marks"


This is why people hate the Millennials

November 11th, 2013 · 285 comments

Writes our submitter, a college student in Colorado who I would really like to smack some sense into: “We had a change in professors midway through the semester in my fiction workshop. The new professor does not understand that his class is not the absolute most important thing in the universe.”

(just click the image below to enlarge)

Rather than write a lengthy explanation of why it is a bad idea to come to my class without reading the material, or why typing away on your laptop or checking FB while I am speaking (or worse, while yours peers are leading discussion) is rude, I decided instead just to thank those of you who consistently come into class prepared and enthusiastic.

related: So, you were hoping to get an A for “asshole-like entitlement”?

→ 285 CommentsFILED UNDER: actually totally reasonable · college life · Colorado · kids today · most popular notes of 2013


Not cool, dudebro

November 7th, 2013 · 104 comments

The only think Derek — I’m sorry, “Dman” — had to say about this note was, “i live with some girls, and one is pretty funny.” Something tells that “funny ha ha” isn’t what comes to his roommates’ minds when mopping up Derek’s puddles of urine.

Derek, Peeing IN the toilet bowl is a non-negotiable part of having indoor plumbing; if you don't like aiming, go outside.

related: The Piddler on the Roof

→ 104 CommentsFILED UNDER: actually totally reasonable · most popular notes of 2013 · New York · piss · roommates


La petite mort du poulet

November 5th, 2013 · 50 comments

Melissa in Ontario received this note — attached to a raw chicken breast and wrapped in plastic wrap — pushed through her mail slot several years ago. To this day, she says, “I’ve never been able to figure out what I did that was so horrible/distracting that it ruined the best orgasm of someone’s life and also what raw chicken has to do with it.”

Thanks for ruining the best orgasm of my life!

related: Down and dirty down under

→ 50 CommentsFILED UNDER: Ontario · sex sex sex · thanks (but not really) · WTF?


I EARNED THIS.

November 4th, 2013 · 75 comments

Explains David in California: “Because of an ant problem, Julia can’t keep her candy in her room.” Thus…

If anyone eats my candy I will kill them. Seriously, stop. I didn't get very much candy and I had a terrible Halloween filled with sickness. Eat your own candy. I earned this. FIND YOUR HUMANITY.

related: There’s stealing candy from children, and then there’s…this.

→ 75 CommentsFILED UNDER: candy · Halloween · most popular notes of 2013


Drivers of Walmart

November 1st, 2013 · 61 comments

Sarah spotted this lovely handpainted sign just down the street from Walmart in a small town in Washington state.

Slow down dumbass. WalMart is open 24 hours!

Meanwhile, in another small town across the country, Megan in Virginia spotted this car in her local Walmart parking lot.

A 'man' driver did this!

related: That means you young man in the blue Subaru!!

→ 61 CommentsFILED UNDER: car · driving · most popular notes of 2013 · small town living


Happy Hallow— oh.

October 30th, 2013 · 77 comments

Well then.

Happy Hallow— oh.

related: NO CANDY GO AWAY!

→ 77 CommentsFILED UNDER: Halloween · most popular notes of 2013


Begging for a backstory

October 28th, 2013 · 38 comments

Carolyn and her husband were intrigued by this message on a car they spotted at a roadside farmer’s market in Maryland. “We desperately wanted to know who the driver was and who wrote it,” Carolyn says. “Unfortunately, we never got to see either before we left.”

Bad Driver good girlfriend tho

So, what do you imagine the story is here?

related: What does your car say about you?

→ 38 CommentsFILED UNDER: driving · Maryland · public shaming