spotted by our anonymous (and uninvolved) submitter on the office bulletin board at a “super mega corp” in columbus, ohio…where apparently a vegan “safe space” is, um, kind of in order. (sob)

related: p.s. bacon is life

extra credit: passive-aggressive vegan grocery cashier, a day in the life [mcsweeneys]

writes jim in colorado: “when i attempt to cook, i typically use way too many pots, pans and utensils and sometimes tend to skip instructions. (i actually made hard boiled eggs and set the smoke detectors off.) anyway, the other night i made cheeseburger pie and forgot to precook the meat. i woke up the next morning and found this on the refrigerator.” </laugh track> oh, dad!

related: no reading required, kids

…because there’s no measure of self-worth more important than the public acknowledgment that you were, in fact, born. 

related: but…but…i didn’t forget!

writes dan in seattle: “i work at a federal hospital and often ride my motorcycle to work. there is another hospital employee that also does so, and we usually park in the same area. space is at a premium —especially around this woman and her self-proclaimed 10-foot-wide protected parking bubble. another time she left me a note asking me not to block her in (when I hadn’t blocked her in!) but this latest note from her is the best encounter by far. i parked behind her about a foot back, leaving plenty —and I mean plenty — of room for her to pull out, but apparently that wasn’t enough for her.”

this time, dan says, “for the safety of my motorcycle (and obviously, out of spite), i told the police.” lucky for us, he scanned a copy of the note first. it’s the totally “biker chick” stationery that makes it, of course.

related: hello kancer!

as far as he can tell, chris in portland thinks this anonymous text was sent by his downstairs neighbor after a morning of hitting the snooze button one too many times. “needless to say,” chris admits, “this was not the first time i had ignored the alarm  clock.”

what’s strange, chris says, is that he has no idea how the neighbor got a hold of his cell phone number. “my only thought is that about a month prior to receiving this text, i left my phone number on a post-it on the front door of the building so the UPS delivery guy could get a hold of me. they must have held onto that number the whole time, just waiting for the absolute breaking point.”

creepy…but kind of genius, right?

related: recipe for roommate discord

our anonymous university student in cambridge, england found this note pinned to the door of his shared college house. “the guy who wrote it moved here from america about five weeks ago and is about eight years older than the rest of us in the house. he seems to be a nice guy, but has this strange aggressive side that we are now a little wary of. last week he cleaned out all the fridges, claiming he had not been offered any space in them, throwing away open food belonging to other people.”

adds our submitter: “we are a pretty relaxed household and have lived with the mystery soaker for the whole year. it seems a little odd that this guy is making all this fuss so close to the end of term when we will all leave and he will presumably have the house to himself.”

related: oxford drama

because nobody says “i mean business” like…donald duck.

except, perhaps, mickey mouse?

writes our anonymous submitter in toronto: “my sister went to do her laundry with her 2-year-old daughter who kept on saying ‘mickey! mickey!’” it seemed like random toddler babbling…until she saw the note.

related: how many wonders can one cavern hold?

extra credit: didn’t disney sue a bunch of preschools for painting disney characters on their walls? [snopes.com]

alice in york, u.k. spotted this little work of art in the kitchen she shares with — yikes — fourteen other people.

now, you wizened old troublemakers might skim past this as a throwaway…but thanks to this month’s passive-aggressive notes gallery show at london’s kk outlet, little gems like this are — at least for a few more weeks — getting the treatment they deserve!

so if you’re in london this month, check it out! or, you know, don’t. whatever.

extra credit: more photos from the opening at kk outlet

extra p in charlottesville, virginia found this note in his office break room. he draws our attention to two sections in particular: “the ‘let there be closure’ line, which seems more appropriate for a break-up note, and the ‘mark an X if you threw it away’ part, which reminds me of grade school mash notes. besides, what did our local kleptomaniac want with a jelly jar full of water, anyway?”

related: next time, go for the fiji?