My neighbor, the nihilist

October 13th, 2013 · 49 comments

Hannah in Austin made the poster to the right — inspired by one of her favorite poets, Mary Oliver — and hung it in her window. A few weeks later, she woke up to find that her next-door neighbor had added a piece of his own.

ONE WILD PRECIOUS LIFE  - ONE BORING POINTLESS EXISTENCE

related: I have a problem with your window manners

→ 49 CommentsFILED UNDER: Austin · neighbors · smartass


I’m detecting a foul odor coming from your general direction.

October 10th, 2013 · 204 comments

Basic hygiene: Sadly, one of those things that some people make it to college without learning…until they end up with a bio major for a roommate.

I'm detecting foul body odor coming from your bed sheets and closet. Due to the humidity, age, and overall neglect of the Howell building, there are a lot of bacteria and they function at a significantly higher rate than in most other structures. The bacteria feed on human excretions and other easy food sources. These are but are not limited to sebaceous and apocrine gland secretions, actual food, fecal residues from farting, etc. As you may or may not be aware of, the bacteria that metabolizing these substances are odor causing. Since we are paying in excess of $2000.00 for these rooms per semester, cooperation to ensure a livable room and satisfactory cohabitation is a very high priority. I pay out-of-pocket by myself, so I'm resentful that the room almost always falls short in cleanliness in appearance or odor. This smell is not from room humidity, end of story. To remedy this problem, take the following steps...

related: This room is protected by the Constitution!

→ 204 CommentsFILED UNDER: college life · hygiene · It's science! · most popular notes of 2013 · odor · roommates · TL;DR


What is this, some sort of pissing contest?

October 10th, 2013 · 36 comments

Our submitter spotted this sign next to the door of a video game shop in Australia. “I’m left wondering how often this must have occurred to warrant the sign,” she says.

Personally, my favorite part is the unusual choice of the word making. What exactly is going on here? (“That’s it, Alfie. If you really want Bioshock Infinite, you’d better face the wall and take a piss first!”)

PARENTS!! PLEASE STOP MAKING YOUR KIDS PISS IN THE GARDEN!! IT F#$%IN STINKS!!

related: How many times did this have to happen before they put up a sign?

→ 36 CommentsFILED UNDER: exclamation-point happy!!!! · kids · odor · piss · pointlessly self-censored profanity · WTF?


Trash talk

October 8th, 2013 · 16 comments

Our submitter in Chicago says that there a used to be a trash can near the front door of her apartment building, but because it was always overwhelming with doggie poop bags and other smelly trash, she wasn’t sad to see it go. Apparently, some of her neighbors are still in denial.

Attn: In case you haven't notice, there is NO trashcan in this space any more. Please be kind and take your petty trash out 5 steps to the dumpster, instead of leaving it here for someone else to clean up. THANKS. —a resident who throws their trash in its proper place  FUCK YOU! WHERE'S THE FUCKING TRASH CAN? -PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE RESIDENT

related: I don’t want to touch the bathroom door handle, so I’m just going to toss my paper towel on the floor

→ 16 CommentsFILED UNDER: Chicago · garbage · neighbors · rebuttals · that's trashy


I’d second that request…

October 7th, 2013 · 38 comments

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

This gum is really Gross :(  Is there a way you can collect this gum in your room? or throw it out?  Sincerely,  Your roommate who also showers here  Added comments: I have to second this request/ statement.  there is a garbage right over there!

related: Dear mother of hair baby

→ 38 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · Chicago · sad face · that's disgusting


Today in “So this is a thing?”

October 6th, 2013 · 80 comments

Kathy in Wisconsin spotted this note in the breakroom of the hospital where she works. Writes Kathy: “The funny thing is, the shelf isn’t that high up — I’m 5’4″ and it’s about chest level with me — so whoever wrote that is either really, really short or really, really doesn’t like the feel of stirrers on their arm when they’re reaching for the sugar!”

I move the straw jar because I am a short person. It is very difficult to reach over the straws without touching them with my arm, when I am getting sugar packets. Please keep straws to the side not in the middle.

related: Is this a thing now?

→ 80 CommentsFILED UNDER: hospitals & doctors · so this is a thing? · Wisconsin


My bowels are irritable, and so am I!

October 3rd, 2013 · 31 comments

Writes our submitter in Alabama: “After the both men’s rooms in our office suffered from some serious anal explosions, our boss sent around an accusatory email,” which everyone in the office assumed was directed toward a particular coworker, Dan. “Dan vehemently maintains his innocence,” our submitter says, “and in an effort to ‘prove’ it, he posted this note above one of the desecrated toilets.”

IF YOU CLOG UP THIS TOILET AND DO NOT UNCLOG IT, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN, AND PUT THE  DIRTY PLUNGER ON YOUR DESK.  I'M TIRED OF TAKING SHIT FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIT. -DAN

related: A diarrhea-only toilet?

→ 31 CommentsFILED UNDER: all clogged up · not-so-veiled threats · office · shit · toilet


Grandma, this is not your house!

October 2nd, 2013 · 78 comments

Precious in Texas says that whenever her mother comes over to visit, “all she wants to do is clean my messy house.” One day, Precious says, her daughter, Allison — along with Allison’s 5-year-old cousin — decided to take matters into their own hands, writing this warning and handing it to their grandma “fast mail.” As for Grandma’s response, says Precious, “I had to read it to her because she was laughing so hard.”

Dear grandma this is not your house so stop cleaning it or else we will lock you in a safe and open it the day after. Did you like my [choice] of fast mail? P.S. Send the envelope back I don't have many

related: Never put nature aside for television

→ 78 CommentsFILED UNDER: cleaning · family · Grandma · kids · not-so-veiled threats · p.s.


In other words: Blame Boehner

October 1st, 2013 · 63 comments

So, this is what you’ll see if you visit Whitehouse.gov right now. Sigh.

Due to Congress’s failure to pass legislation to fund the government, the information on this web site may not be up to date. Some submissions may not be processed, and we may not be able to respond to your inquiries.  Information about government operating status and resumption of normal operations is available at USA.GOV .

related: Governor of California to State Senate: “Get Stuffed.”

extra credit: John Boehner’s Shutdown [nytimes.com]

 

→ 63 CommentsFILED UNDER: don't blame us · most popular notes of 2013 · politics · posted online


Have you paid your rent this month?

September 30th, 2013 · 24 comments

Lauren in Brooklyn says that when she asked her roommate, Josh, for the rent, “he gave me kind of a blank stare, but agreed to tape it to the fridge.” Instead, she got this:

Unable to pay rent. Moving out today. Sorry. Josh

Meanwhile, Oscar spotted this hand-painted masterpiece in the Fremont neighborhood of Seattle:

BOB PAY YOUR RENT

related: A message for our former housemate

→ 24 CommentsFILED UNDER: money · roommates