The return of Thx Sandra

October 20th, 2008 · 149 comments

Casey in Human Resources may have moved on, but not to worry — Thx Sandra is here to solve our global climate crysis!

Hello Ladies, This is your friend the thermostat. He likes to be at about 70 degrees in the winter and summer. If you are warm please look behind you and you will see a window. If you open that window fresh air will come in and cool you off. If you are cold you can use a space heater for $3 per week please see Casey in Human Resources if you need to sign up to rent one. Please be aware that our planet is in crysis [sic] and we need to take measures to reduce the trash we throw away and the energy we use (which includes the ceiling fan in Accounting!!!!!) and the recycle bins in the break room. I am sick of being the only conciensios [sic] person here. Thx, Sandra

related: It takes a “genius”

→ 149 CommentsFILED UNDER: anthropomorphism · CAPS LOCK · clip art catastrophe · energy usage · exclamation-point happy!!!! · garbage · recycling · San Diego · spelling and grammar police · temperature · The Earth · thx


The Man™: now available in convenient mini-me size!

October 16th, 2008 · 95 comments

Our submitter, B., was shopping at a shoe store in San Francisco when she realized she really needed to use the facilities. Although there was no public restroom in sight, she did spy the familiar infographic just beyond a doorway marked “employees only.” When she ducked inside, B. was greeted by this sublimely creepy warning from management[!].

If you are in the bathroom longer than 15 minutes, It will be considered your break. Don't make us get a timer! Thank You, Management!

Meanwhile, Chelsea’s boss at the La Quinta in Perrysburg, Ohio managed to dial up the creepy just a smidge more.

Apparently disatisfied with the staff’s response to her frequent written notes, the hotel manager brought in this doll — which chelsea says “looked exactly like her” — to do the job instead. (Er, so to speak.)

I'm watching YOU

related: So many questions

→ 95 CommentsFILED UNDER: big brother-ish · crazy boss · now that's management · Ohio · retail hell · San Francisco


When mavericks attack

October 15th, 2008 · 132 comments

Joe Six-Pack in San Francisco never actually got this note, because our own passive-aggressive pit bull secondsout swiped it from under his windshield wiper. Again, my understanding is that he recused himself,  but I don’t want to talk about that: I’d like to talk about energy.

If you don't know how to operate your gas-guzzling piece of shit SUV without parking up someone else's ass, they you need to get a different car. Signed, Sarah Palin

And also, too, under the umbrella of job creation, therefore:

PALIN HATE POLAR BEAR

related: Herbie goes to Washington

→ 132 CommentsFILED UNDER: parking · politics · San Francisco


But now I’m gold (hooray hooray)

October 14th, 2008 · 60 comments

Meg’s uncanny curatorial ability to uncover the silver lining in any situation was woefully under-appreciated at her last job, but even her former coworkers had to admit that this farewell e-mail was an impressive excavation of meg’s latent passive-aggressive tendencies.

Hi all, Due to Museum restructuring, my position has been terminated today. After seeing five other staff members voluntary departures from the Museum recently. I know this change is a step in the right direction for me. On to bigger, better galleries and museums with organized management and high-paying salaries!!! It has been a pleasure working with some of you more than other (you know who you are)! Cheers, Meg

Hi all, Due to Museum restructuring, my position has been terminated today. After seeing five other staff members voluntary departures from the Museum recently. I know this change is a step in the right direction for me. On to bigger, better galleries and museums with organized management and high-paying salaries!!! It has been a pleasure working with some of you more than others (you know who you are)! Cheers, Meg

related: This shit is bananas

→ 60 CommentsFILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · cheers · farewell letter · fired · you know who you are


Desperate times

October 13th, 2008 · 79 comments

Need another sign we’re officially in a recession? How ’bout three?

Please return My (not your) BIKE PUMP

Did you forget to return my BIKE PUMP?

I MISS MY BIKE PUMP

related: “No” questions asked

→ 79 CommentsFILED UNDER: "accidental" "borrowing" · bicycle · California · excessive underlining · neighbors · San Francisco · smiley · thx


Let’s not mince words

October 12th, 2008 · 92 comments

Our anonymous submitter reports that a certain less-than-collegial colleague had the gall to dash off this note while the perfume-wearer in question was standing at the photocopier less than five feet away. And, our submitter adds: “She did not attempt at all to disguise her handwriting.”

YOUR PERFUME SMELLS LIKE SHIT! WE CAN'T BREATHE!!!

related: Fight or flight

→ 92 CommentsFILED UNDER: California · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · more aggressive than passive · odor · office · oh no you didn't


The slow build

October 9th, 2008 · 106 comments

Like so many passive-aggressive notewriters, the author of this note — which Sarah in Brockton, Mass. says was posted in the elevator, front hallway, back hallway and the mailroom of her building after a particularly rowdy Friday — just can’t seem to fully commit to sarcasm as a rhetorical technique.

Thank you Unit 205. Let's all be sure to thank unit 205 for the party last night. We should all feel lucky that we have a neighbor so considerate that they bring people into our building that treat it like a frat house. Your scumbag friends (the ones that were swearing at your neighbors) seem like really nice people. PIGS!!!

(You know, because otherwise people might not get it!!!)

related: Just in case you didn’t catch the sarcasm…

→ 106 CommentsFILED UNDER: Massachusetts · neighbors · noise · thanks (but not really)


Seriously distruping

October 8th, 2008 · 77 comments

Found on the street by Joe in Somerville, Mass…

Ruthie, You have been asked many, many times not to leave notes. As this DISTRUPS the work of my fellow employees. Please respect my fellow employees and stop leaving notes. Thank you...

related: Oh, the irony

→ 77 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · meta · Somerville · spelling and grammar police


An inconvenient truth

October 7th, 2008 · 87 comments

Al Gore would likely be pleased hear that Marc in San Diego rides his bike (a vintage blue Colnago) to work in the mornings. A certain evangelical bike messenger, however, was less than impressed.

Dear Crazy Person: Buy a DECENT LOCK! Dude! You're riding a f-in COLNAGO! I should steal on PRINCIPLE, since it would take all of 10 seconds. I'm just here to help...

Marc says he’s since ditched his old cable lock. “After this note taught me the error of my ways, I now keep my bike inside where it’s safe.”

related: Next on thieves with low self-esteem

→ 87 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · bicycle · stealing


Listing in Now Magazine’s adult classifieds: $70. Revenge?

October 6th, 2008 · 76 comments

…well, you know how it goes.

The listing is NOW MAGAZINE is INCORRECT. We don't provide the services usually fulfilled by your left hand. If you have to knock, you don't belong here, so PLEASE LEAVE.

Meanwhile, in Melbourne…

Sorry, this premises no longer providers "erotic relaxation" or any other service of that nature.

And in London…

THIS IS NOT A BROTHEL!!

…a saucy variation on a much-photographed placard from London’s Soho:

THIS IS NOT A BROTHEL THERE ARE NO PROSTITUTES AT THIS ADDRESS

But my favorite sign was spotted by Nick at a backpacker’s hostel in Rio:

Prostitutes are strictly forbidden to come upstairs. We recommend you go to Panda Motel at Sao Clemente, 298.

related: The whore of West Babylon

→ 76 CommentsFILED UNDER: "customer service" · Australia · Canada · Melbourne · Rio de Janeiro · sex sex sex · Toronto