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What’s black, white and totally over?

December 11th, 2008 · 101 comments

From Canberra…

The Chronicle is unsolicited litter. Its removal is the sole responsibility of the Canberra Times and its agents.

To London…

NO READING PLEASE

To Washington, D.C….

NO MORE DAMN PAPERS (PLEASE)

…it seems like one thing everyone can agree on is the total obsolescence of print media.

(sigh)

related: Love, apt. #3

→ 101 CommentsFILED UNDER: Australia · Canberra · D.C. · newspaper · pleasantries as afterthought


The rhyme that must be flushed

December 9th, 2008 · 196 comments

Apparently, sayeth google analytics, the oh-so-clever phrase “if you sprinkle when you tinkle” is one of the most common search terms that leads people to this little website. (Sorry to disappoint you, folks — no cross-stitch patterns to be found here.)

So, um, yeah…I’m gonna go curl up the fetal position and die now. I’ll leave the textual analysis underlying the great “neat/sweetie” literary schism to you guys, k?

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...be a neatie and wipe the seatie!

This one might be a little more home-spun, but I think the urine-colored highlighter and ellipses diarrhea really pushes it over the top:

LADIES, IF YOU SPRINKLE WHEN YOU TINKLE.......PLEASE BE NEAT & WIPE THE SEAT........

If you want your mind completely blown, check out this international variation, from  Jamaica:

If you twinkle when you spinkle please be neat and wipe the seat

And from San Francisco, the po-mo edition:

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...you know what the fuck to do!!! Just because u don't live here that means u too, bro....!!!

related: “Unattended children will be given espresso and a free puppy”

→ 196 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · CAPS LOCK · ellipses-crazed · high on highlighter · pure poetry · toilet


The rules for strip bingo

December 8th, 2008 · 61 comments

Spotted in the basement of a New Jersey church where people play bingo all the time. Adds submitter Yamis: “I guess we know the demographics of the crowd.”

IF YOUR [sic] COLD WEAR A COAT. IF YOUR [sic] HOT TAKE IT OFF. IT YOU GET HOT FLASHES WEAR LESS. -THE GENERAL

related: More like hardly working

→ 61 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · New Jersey · old folks · spelling and grammar police · temperature · your/you're


Reason #784 why you should never list your relationship status in your Facebook profile

December 4th, 2008 · 104 comments

The icing on top here, says our submitter, is the second comment — the one from Billy. Why? Because, well, that’s the guy Slade just broke up with.

Adds our submitter: “Awkward pretty much sums it up.”

Trust me. Being single is not bad at all. I am having more fun now, and you should too! (I disagree.)

related: please pick up your dirty laundry asap

→ 104 CommentsFILED UNDER: breakup · ex drama · Facebook · most popular notes of 2008 · oh no you didn't


I’m not a doctor, but I was an extra on ER once?

December 3rd, 2008 · 151 comments

Jen says this liquor store in Chicago’s Lincoln Square is completely plastered with notes like these, but — vexingly enough — the guy at the register was such a hawk she was only able to snap a few photos. Happily, I’d say Jen scored a hat trick for insolence with these three.

i'm not a doctor, but i was on extra on ER once...

vexing and insolent!

please refer to Strunk & White for further explanation

related: Free markets, free people, free papers

→ 151 CommentsFILED UNDER: blitzkrieg approach · cell phone · Chicago · irregular capitalization · obnoxious definition


Ceci n’est pas une poubelle

December 2nd, 2008 · 100 comments

I hereby declare the writer of the second note in this exchange (from a college art studio in Texas) the winner of the season’s official “oh, snap!” award.

(Sure, the original note-writer might have a case — but just like those pesky BCS rankings, style points count, baby!)

This is NOT a trashcan! If you think it is you should rethink your life choices!

related: i before e except after c ftw

→ 100 CommentsFILED UNDER: art · Austin · college life · garbage · oh snap · Texas


And I’m singing “uh oh” on a Friday night

November 30th, 2008 · 77 comments

How’d you like to be flatmates with Dianne in London? Cos I’m thinking there just might be an opening soon…

Whomever has been using my mouthwash should know that when I'm drink i sometimes spit back into the bottle. HA!

related: clarifying motion #2

→ 77 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · drizzunk · hygiene · London · roommates · spitting · U.K.


Thx for your honesty

November 27th, 2008 · 83 comments

Happy Thxgiving, everyone!

If you can't cook DON'T TRY

related: It takes a “genius” to come up with a potluck theme like this one

→ 83 CommentsFILED UNDER: holiday spirit · office · party planning committee · San Francisco · Thanksgiving


A new tagline for The Price is Right?

November 25th, 2008 · 288 comments

Our anonymous submitter in New Jersey found this note taped to every apartment door in his complex. “We do indeed have a problem with feral cats in our neighborhood, but my sense is that they’ve been around for many (cat) generations…not that people are buying new ones.”

Attention Cat "Owners"

Adds our submitter: “Now that I think about it, I’m probably a bad person for finding this funny, but really, the all-bold, all-caps “LET HER DEATH BE ON YOUR HEAD!!!” is just so perfectly over the top. Personally, I would have gone with “A POX ON ALL YOUR HOUSES!!!”

related: I can has guilt trip?

→ 288 CommentsFILED UNDER: cats · exclamation-point happy!!!! · guests · neighbors · New Jersey


Anyone for “Heart and Soul”?

November 24th, 2008 · 90 comments

“There are several common rooms in my dormitory at Indiana University, and most of them have pianos available for the students to play,” writes Jain in Bloomington.

“While I can empathize with this anonymous student’s frustration, possibly after hearing the third or fourth broken attempt at ‘Chopsticks’ in a single day, I’ve personally found the exit to be a more successful coping strategy than leaving bitchy notes on a baby grand. But hey, different strokes…”

Please DO NOT play the piano unless you are actually good. Thanks!

Meanwhile, Dan spotted a supermarket in Sterling, Virginia that took the above note-writer’s sentiment just a half-step further.

Piano is for entertainment only. Please do not play. Thanks

related:  I used to be your biggest fan

extra credit: pearls before breakfast [washingtonpost.com]

→ 90 CommentsFILED UNDER: college life · Indiana · music · noise · Northern Virginia · Virginia