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Law & Order: Special Dishes Unit

November 16th, 2008 · 114 comments

“These are the results of your typical no-one-washes-their-dishes-at-the-office situation,” says our submitter in Portland, Oregon.”There used to be a note above the sink that said “NOT YOUR MAMA,” but it was replaced with these gems, both of which sort of creep me out (and neither of which has ameliorated the dirty dish issue).”

Do your dishes - It's the Law!

I didn't get out of bed and go to work just to clean up after you princess!!!   I promise I will do all of my dishes here at [redacted] as soon as I finish eating!

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Oregon

→ 114 CommentsFILED UNDER: dishes · kinda creepy · office · office cop · Portland


The Scarlet Status Update

November 14th, 2008 · 189 comments

Today’s Facebook Friday submission comes from an anonymous onlooker in College Park, <aryland. (read from the bottom up.)

GUESS WHO CHEATED ON ME AMANDA

related: I challenge you to an emoticon-off!

→ 189 CommentsFILED UNDER: ex drama · Facebook · spelling and grammar police


The silverware segregationist

November 13th, 2008 · 166 comments

I’d say this whiteboard notice — from a student at Northwestern University in Evanston, illinois — is neck-and-neck with this for “most unnecessary and inappropriate analogy ever.”

Ever notice how, in Plex, the Asians are in one hall, the Latinos in another, and the black in another still? The silverware's like that too. The knives + spoons don't want to live together.

‘Plex, by the way, refers to (in the words of our anonymous submitter, the note’s recipient) a Northwestern residence hall, Foster Walker Complex, “that’s full of disinterested seniors and minorities.”

(Sigh)

Change is on the way?

related: Just be glad you don’t know what’s in the coffee

→ 166 CommentsFILED UNDER: a little insensitive · Chicago · college life · Illinois · roommates · whiteboard


An arguably heated dispute

November 11th, 2008 · 363 comments

Technically, Mike in Boston only has two roommates, but roomie #2′s ever-present girlfriend has become the apartment’s de facto fourth resident…the non-rent-or-utilities-paying kind.

Explains Mike: “We only have one thermostat for the whole apartment, but our rooms are so tiny that we can typically keep the heat off and the place stays at 68-70 degrees.” Once winter came, however, the girlfriend wasn’t too pleased with this arrangement…and took to surreptitiously cranking up the heat into the mid-80s.

After one too many nights of waking up in a sauna, Mike and his allied roommate decided to fight back —in true passive-aggressive style — by removing the (detachable) thermostat from the wall. Drama, of course, ensued.

It's Fucking Freezing. Put the Heat thing back. If you think it's nice cold then open your window. It doesn't get warmer without the Heat.

Mike’s roomie then posted a counter-attack:

If your [sic] cold turn the heat on at YOUR APARTMENT! Otherwise...we took a vote 2 to 1 heat stays off. :)

Grammar aside, that one pretty much did the trick.

related: kill hamster too?

→ 363 CommentsFILED UNDER: Boston · energy usage · oh snap · roommates · smiley · temperature · your/you're


We didn’t “steal” your muffin — we leveraged it

November 10th, 2008 · 128 comments

Sigh. Half the people in your department just got pink-slipped, your 401(k) is worth shit, and now, just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse…they’re coming for your muffin, too.

All in the name of shareholder value!

Stealing food, especially Muffins, is UNACCEPTABLE!

(Leaked by Sayf in Greenwich, Connecticut.)

related: Lean cuisine
extra credit: Morgan Stanley cancels Christmas, jobs [dealbreaker]

→ 128 CommentsFILED UNDER: Connecticut · Greenwich · money · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · rebuttals · stealing · touching


Next on fish with low self-esteem

November 9th, 2008 · 139 comments

“As a college student used to her freedom, I’m sometimes gone for days at a time when I’m home for the summer,” explains Jesse from Gurnee, Illinois, admitting that during this time, her betta fish, Freddie Mercury, tends to go unfed.

“My 14-year old-sister has shown him mercy a a few times,” Jesse says, and admirably, “she’s never asked for thanks.” But Freddie, it seems, has had just about enough of this neglect.

Tiffany fed me, no thanks to you. Do you want me dead? Just feed me to the cat.

related: Through a glass bowl, darkly
extra credit: “You can call me the manatee!” [youtube]

→ 139 CommentsFILED UNDER: anthropomorphism · family · guilt trip · Illinois · most popular notes of 2008


Tant pis, mon amie

November 7th, 2008 · 165 comments

Writes our anonymous submitter: “Amie and I were friends since junior high. We had plans to go out for my 22nd birthday, but she canceled the day of. I said it was cool and that we should reschedule, and then I never heard from her again…until four years later, when she requested me as a friend on Facebook. I rejected her. She friend-requested me again, and I rejected her…again.”

Amie, however, didn’t seem to get the message.

I heard about your wedding and I just wanted to say congrats and that I was really excited for you, thats all. I don't know why you wont accept the facebook-friend invite.

Adds our submitter: “For the record, my response was, ‘Thanks for the congrats!’”

related: You were warned never to push Carrie to the limits.

→ 165 CommentsFILED UNDER: Facebook · frenemies · mean girls · weddings and bridezillas · xoxo


It’s Pat!

November 5th, 2008 · 60 comments

On a recent road trip around southern Maine, Noelle and her friends Hilary and Misha spotted this puzzling little note posted in the back of a gas station convenience store.

Pat [redacted] has no authoreity [sic] over anyone, not employees, salespeople, or customers. Pat's job is maintenance of the laundrymat [sic]. Store and grounds and stocking the cooler.

When they left, Noelle says, “The manager ran after us, screaming, ‘What were you girls doing, taking pictures of my store like that?!’” Noelle and her friends fessed up, explaining that they thought the note to Pat was funny, is all. The manager’s reply: “Oh, Pat! Soon as we put up that sign, he quit! That was five years ago. Haven’t seen him since! We just haven’t gotten around to taking the sign down yet.

related: all your baristas are belong to us
extra credit: “laundrymat”

→ 60 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · gas station · Maine · now that's management · Say wha? · spelling and grammar police


A little bit of shameless gloating

November 5th, 2008 · 69 comments

About about a year ago, Coco says, “while visiting home (Charleston — South Carolina’s lone bastion of remote liberalism) — I left my ‘Is it 2008 yet?’ sticker-adorned car in San Francisco’s Outer Richmond district for friends to babysit.

Upon my return, my friend presented me with this note, which had been left on my windshield. I would expect this in Charleston, but in San Francisco?  I blame the patrons of the golf course my car was parked next to.”

No Asshole. It is not 2008 yet. And you liberal cruds will lose then as well. Look at the idiots that you've elected (Clinton, Reid, Pelosi, Boxer, Kennedy, etc.). Clearly you have no shame - and no brains. Note also that a new administration takes office in 2009

related: When mavericks attack

Herbie goes to Washington

→ 69 CommentsFILED UNDER: California · parking · politics · San Francisco · unsolicited feedback


The Book of Cubicleism, Article IV: “The Laying on of Hands”

November 2nd, 2008 · 144 comments

Anthony in Salt Lake City, Utah was a little perplexed when the new lady sharing his cubicle put this little number up. Odder still, he says, “is the fact that this particular wall was originally my half — she took everything I had on that end and moved it to the other side.”

Says anthony: “Apparently she thinks I’m going to poke the Messiah’s high school yearbook picture all day — or maybe the note is what he’s thinking?”

PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL OF MY BELIEFS DON'T TOUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

related: So much for turning the other cheek
extra credit: The great and dreadful day of the lord [dooce.com]

→ 144 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Jesus · office · Salt Lake City · touching · Utah