Currently on the table: a guest towel visa program

September 1st, 2008 · 75 comments

Our anonymous submitter says his coworkers were taking stacks of paper towels from the bathroom and putting them in kitchen.

“HR evidently does not agree with this practice and decided to enact a one-towel play in the breakroom kitchen,” he says. (The office billing manager added the follow-up on the towels’ behalf.)

I am a hand towel for RESTROOM dispenser. I don't like kitchens. I want the right to choose where I live. Thank you - Kitchen paper towel

related: This is not positive communication

→ 75 CommentsFILED UNDER: anthropomorphism · kitchen · rebuttals


Coming soon: the all-you-can-spell buffet

August 31st, 2008 · 80 comments

Jesse says he spotted this sign at a great Mongolian restaurant in the Dallas area. “They recently changed their name from Ton’s Mongolian Grill to Tao’s garden, but apparently they haven’t figured out how to spell it yet.”

Tao''s Gadren [sic] offers all you can buffet not all you can waste. Thank you!

related: Best. Potluck. Theme. Ever.

→ 80 CommentsFILED UNDER: "customer service" · CAPS LOCK · Dallas/Fort Worth · food · restaurant · spelling and grammar police


Please pick up your dirty laundry ASAP

August 28th, 2008 · 127 comments

Says our anonymous Facebook user in Ottawa: “It’s exactly what it looks like.”

Your stuff is packed and sitting in the garage!!! Please pick up ASAP...sick of the lying and cheating....

related: In daylights? In sunsets? In midnights? In posts on Facebook?

→ 127 CommentsFILED UNDER: ex drama · Facebook · Ottawa


The right to bear fruit

August 27th, 2008 · 172 comments

Three U.S. cities where nature-lovers might want to keep their hands to themselves:

1. Austin, Texas

To the people who keep digging up and stealing plants from this garden...The surrounding neighbors have been alerted and are keeping watch now. (Some are ex-Military are not afraid to chase after you or shout.) I'm serious!!! This is private property! You are trespassing and committing a crime. I'm not rich and I like my garden go get a second job if you want plants! I'm warning you!

2. Macon, Georgia

To the Fucktard who stole my watermellon [sic]: It was not even RIPE yet. But I'm sure you didn't notice when you were high on crack. Leave my fucking plants alone! —Proud owner of a .45 and a 38 special

3. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

The Mayor and The Police have been notified — WATCHING for any more Flower destruction and Theft

(Thanks to Don in Austin, Elizabeth in Macon, and Jasmine in Pittsburgh for risking the wrath of some devoted gardening/second amendment enthusiasts to document these warnings.)

related: No “questions” asked

→ 172 CommentsFILED UNDER: Austin · blame it on the crackhead · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Georgia · Macon · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · Pittsburgh · spelling and grammar police · stealing


French roast black, with a dash of deference

August 26th, 2008 · 203 comments

Despite the logo on this breakroom note, Nikki in Fresno doesn’t work at Starbucks. (She just wishes she does.)

CREAMER IS NOT FOR THIS PURPOSE

related: Be curtius

→ 203 CommentsFILED UNDER: California · CAPS LOCK · Fresno · high on highlighter · ital overkill · money · office · overzealous secretary · Starbucks


So, you’ve decided to go out

August 25th, 2008 · 140 comments

Last year, Emily in Canterbury, England lived in a house with six other roommates — two guys downstairs, five girls upstairs. As is wont to happen in such circumstances, “we were originally all really good mates, but relationships deteriorated as the year went on,” Emily says — “the boys thought the girls were too messy!”

One source of flatmate friction, Emily says, was the habit a couple of the girls had of forgetting their keys when they went out clubbing…and then pounding on the front door at 3 a.m., raving drunk, until one of the guys let them in.

The low point came when one of the guys got woken up by an angry taxi driver rapping on his window (after one of the girls had tossed him 50p and run upstairs). Emily says this note appeared soon after.

"So, you've decided to go out": A short story

related: The two-word compromise you’re looking for: zip wire

→ 140 CommentsFILED UNDER: bullet points · drizzunk · roommates · U.K.


Herbie goes to Washington

August 24th, 2008 · 233 comments

You say you’re politically engaged, but do you know where your candidate stands on…vanity license plates? Are they:

a) a bombastic example of the first amendment in action

b) a potent symbol for the reductive nature of America’s two-party political system

c) unwise at any speed

Still undecided? Take a look at the tags Rachel has on her car in Austin, Texas:

OBAMA

And the note she found recently on her windshield:

Obama sucks!

Meanwhile, in blue-state land…

To the person who stole the "Marriage - One man, one woman" decal from my VW on June 26th: To you "Free Speech" must mean if my opinion disagrees with yours, then I should be silenced. "Tolerance" means my views don't earn the same respect I render to your beliefs. If you have any courage or decency I challenge you to return my property.

Which led to this note posted in the office parking garage, and documented for us by Melissa in Long Beach:

To the person who stole the "Marriage - One man, one woman" decal from my VW on June 26th: To you "Free Speech" must mean if my opinion disagrees with yours, then I should be silenced. "Tolerance" means my views don't earn the same respect I render to your beliefs. If you have any courage or decency I challenge you to return my property.

related: The audacity of theft

extra credit: License plates and the first amendment [nytimes.com]

extra extra credit: Rock the vote!

→ 233 CommentsFILED UNDER: Austin · California · car · Long Beach · parking · politics


The Whore of West Babylon

August 23rd, 2008 · 123 comments

Jasy from Laurel, Maryland spotted this beauty while driving down the New Jersey Turnpike.

“I’m dying to know just how blasphemous Denise is to deserve the sign,” Jasy says. “But is it really that surprising that the Anti-Christ would claim Jersey as home base?”

DENISE IS THE ANTI CHRIST

related: No, He uses Vaseline
extra credit: “Hey, look our toll plaza over” [nytimes.com]

→ 123 CommentsFILED UNDER: Jesus · New Jersey · WTF?


Especially religion

August 21st, 2008 · 228 comments

Just so you Noe Valley-ites don’t feel like you’ve cornered the self-righteous yuppie market…I spotted this last week on my very own block in Park Slope, Brooklyn.

For Apt #3: If you are UPS/USPS/DHL/FedEx/Ed MacMahon with a check for millions of dollars, you only need to BUZZ ONCE. If I'm here, I'll let you in. If I'm not (or I can't come to the door) I won't. If you are NOT any of the above - DO NOT BUZZ. I don't want what you have, especially if it's religion! There may be a SLEEPING BABY in here and you will be cursed if you wake her for no reason!

related: The thoughts that count

extra credit: “A different sort of neighborhood watch” [brownstoner.com]
Brooklyn neighbors & passive-aggressive notes” [daftcrafts.com]

→ 228 CommentsFILED UNDER: Brooklyn · excessive underlining · high on highlighter · Moms & Dads · noise · not-so-veiled threats · Park Slope


Sorry, I’ve been sharing the olive oil with the squirrels

August 19th, 2008 · 176 comments

Our anonymous submitter in Takoma Park, Maryland says her roommate is constantly leaving little post-its and e-mails for the other roommates, but  I think these two have a bit of yum-o synchronicity.

Hi all, If you are in the habit of sharing our extra virgin olive oil, it is your turn to buy some.... if not, well, I guess I'm out of olive oil.

re: bread in trash — Is there any reason not to feed to squirrels, compost, or even eat this bread?

related: The first thing I did when I woke up

→ 176 CommentsFILED UNDER: e-mail · food · Maryland · roommates · Takoma Park · thanks (but not really) · The Earth