So, you’ve decided to go out

August 25th, 2008 · 140 comments

Last year, Emily in Canterbury, England lived in a house with six other roommates — two guys downstairs, five girls upstairs. As is wont to happen in such circumstances, “we were originally all really good mates, but relationships deteriorated as the year went on,” Emily says — “the boys thought the girls were too messy!”

One source of flatmate friction, Emily says, was the habit a couple of the girls had of forgetting their keys when they went out clubbing…and then pounding on the front door at 3 a.m., raving drunk, until one of the guys let them in.

The low point came when one of the guys got woken up by an angry taxi driver rapping on his window (after one of the girls had tossed him 50p and run upstairs). Emily says this note appeared soon after.

"So, you've decided to go out": A short story

related: The two-word compromise you’re looking for: zip wire

→ 140 CommentsFILED UNDER: bullet points · drizzunk · roommates · U.K.


Herbie goes to Washington

August 24th, 2008 · 233 comments

You say you’re politically engaged, but do you know where your candidate stands on…vanity license plates? Are they:

a) a bombastic example of the first amendment in action

b) a potent symbol for the reductive nature of America’s two-party political system

c) unwise at any speed

Still undecided? Take a look at the tags Rachel has on her car in Austin, Texas:

OBAMA

And the note she found recently on her windshield:

Obama sucks!

Meanwhile, in blue-state land…

To the person who stole the "Marriage - One man, one woman" decal from my VW on June 26th: To you "Free Speech" must mean if my opinion disagrees with yours, then I should be silenced. "Tolerance" means my views don't earn the same respect I render to your beliefs. If you have any courage or decency I challenge you to return my property.

Which led to this note posted in the office parking garage, and documented for us by Melissa in Long Beach:

To the person who stole the "Marriage - One man, one woman" decal from my VW on June 26th: To you "Free Speech" must mean if my opinion disagrees with yours, then I should be silenced. "Tolerance" means my views don't earn the same respect I render to your beliefs. If you have any courage or decency I challenge you to return my property.

related: The audacity of theft

extra credit: License plates and the first amendment [nytimes.com]

extra extra credit: Rock the vote!

→ 233 CommentsFILED UNDER: Austin · California · car · Long Beach · parking · politics


The Whore of West Babylon

August 23rd, 2008 · 123 comments

Jasy from Laurel, Maryland spotted this beauty while driving down the New Jersey Turnpike.

“I’m dying to know just how blasphemous Denise is to deserve the sign,” Jasy says. “But is it really that surprising that the Anti-Christ would claim Jersey as home base?”

DENISE IS THE ANTI CHRIST

related: No, He uses Vaseline
extra credit: “Hey, look our toll plaza over” [nytimes.com]

→ 123 CommentsFILED UNDER: Jesus · New Jersey · WTF?


Especially religion

August 21st, 2008 · 228 comments

Just so you Noe Valley-ites don’t feel like you’ve cornered the self-righteous yuppie market…I spotted this last week on my very own block in Park Slope, Brooklyn.

For Apt #3: If you are UPS/USPS/DHL/FedEx/Ed MacMahon with a check for millions of dollars, you only need to BUZZ ONCE. If I'm here, I'll let you in. If I'm not (or I can't come to the door) I won't. If you are NOT any of the above - DO NOT BUZZ. I don't want what you have, especially if it's religion! There may be a SLEEPING BABY in here and you will be cursed if you wake her for no reason!

related: The thoughts that count

extra credit: “A different sort of neighborhood watch” [brownstoner.com]
Brooklyn neighbors & passive-aggressive notes” [daftcrafts.com]

→ 228 CommentsFILED UNDER: Brooklyn · excessive underlining · high on highlighter · Moms & Dads · noise · not-so-veiled threats · Park Slope


Sorry, I’ve been sharing the olive oil with the squirrels

August 19th, 2008 · 176 comments

Our anonymous submitter in Takoma Park, Maryland says her roommate is constantly leaving little post-its and e-mails for the other roommates, but  I think these two have a bit of yum-o synchronicity.

Hi all, If you are in the habit of sharing our extra virgin olive oil, it is your turn to buy some.... if not, well, I guess I'm out of olive oil.

re: bread in trash — Is there any reason not to feed to squirrels, compost, or even eat this bread?

related: The first thing I did when I woke up

→ 176 CommentsFILED UNDER: e-mail · food · Maryland · roommates · Takoma Park · thanks (but not really) · The Earth


The missing exhibit from the Carousel of Progress

August 18th, 2008 · 114 comments

Sorcia McNasty in North Carolina says this “piece of art” is located right next to the paper supply drawer in her office.  “We’re not sure if there is really a problem with theft or if occasionally, you know, the machine just runs out of paper. No one wants to question the MACHINE IN MOTION.”

DID YOU KNOW??? The facsimile machine is not only a piece of art, but also a MACHINE IN MOTION. Sadly, it cannot perform its motion if there is no paper. Please allow our MACHINE IN MOTION to stay in MOTION by not stealing its paper.

related: The passive-aggressive note has not been destroyed; it has been solved

→ 114 CommentsFILED UNDER: clip art catastrophe · Did you know? · fax · office supplies · the fax machine · WTF?


Especially Deborah

August 17th, 2008 · 215 comments

As this sign from a Montgomery, Alabama breakroom shows, “PopCorn Users” remain one of the most persecuted groups in the workplace today.

Microwave PopCorn Users (Especially — Deborah) Do Not Burn PopCorn Do Not Leave PopCorn Unattended Stay Here While popcorn cooks

related: Bizarre pardoning accident

→ 215 CommentsFILED UNDER: Alabama · bold-underlined-caps · excessive underlining · gloriously redundant · high on highlighter · irregular capitalization · microwave · Montgomery · most popular notes of 2008 · office · popcorn


Cloudy with a chance of hate mail

August 14th, 2008 · 241 comments

For their daughter’s first birthday, Mr. and Mrs. Schmidt decided it would be fun to throw a casual little backyard get-together at their home in Rochester, Minnesota.

Like the good church-going Minnesotans they are, the Schmidts sent out this e-mail invite to their small-ish congregation of about 200 people, expecting maybe 20 or 30 to stop by for some cake.

Hello St. Luke’s family! Madeleine turns ONE on 8/8/8! To celebrate, she’s hosting her very own backyard tea party on Saturday, August 9th at 1:00 p.m. No gifts necessary – your presence is present enough. :) We hope you and your family will join us as we celebrate the first of many fun birthdays with our little princess. If you have a moment, please RSVP to so we know how many cucumber sandwiches to make. :)

Mr. Schmidt happens to be the local TV weatherman, but neither of the Schmidts could have predicted the outraged response they received by mail a few days later (unsigned, with no return address).

Mr + Mrs. Schmidt: I think I've heard everything now. Who invites every adult that they know to a 1 year old's birthday? If you want free toys, baby cloths [sic] and cash gifts why doesn't Mr. Schmidt just annonce it on his always wrong weather show? Why do you have to burden every person within hearing range to run out and buy a card and a gift. You two truely [sic] are a pair of complete asses, that doesn't say to [sic] much for your parents. How long are you going to terrioze [sic] this community?

Adds Mrs. Schmidt: “We have no clue who sent it, and decided we’d have to laugh it off or go crazy trying to figure it out…so I’m doing my own passive-aggressive act and posting it here.”

related: An occasion that Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate

→ 241 CommentsFILED UNDER: birthday · CAPS LOCK · crazypants · Minnesota · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2008 · spelling and grammar police


Where’s Anytime Stan when you need him?

August 13th, 2008 · 209 comments

Sarah in Somerville, Mass. wasn’t fazed when she left her apartment one Saturday to find this otherwise “run-of-the-mill your-mother-doesn’t-live-here note”…until she rounded the corner and was greeted by photocopies of the same note taped to every available surface in the hallway.

Hey PIG! Clean up the mess you made in the elevator! Your mommy isn't going to clean it! This isn't a dorm! Be an Adult! Thanks

Then, the next day, another note appeared near the elevator…

was NOT us, but cleaned it up b/c we're SICK of being harrassed [sic] in our home!! call management if you have an issue next time, GROW UP!

…which had apparently been written on the back of yet another (more targeted) note:

The trail leads from the elevator to this corner. Clean your mess in the elevator + front hallway! Grow up + take Responsibility!

“In fairness,” Sarah says, “this whole thing really is gross, and now the lobby and the hallway — in addition to the elevator — smell of vomit. I’m just not sure why the first notewriter thought that spending $10 on copies was going to help.”

And lastly, Sarah adds:  “My mommy didn’t clean up my dorm, either.”

related: Going up?

→ 209 CommentsFILED UNDER: elevator · grow up · pleasantries as afterthought · Somerville · vomit · Your mother doesn't...


Signed with a Glasgow kiss

August 12th, 2008 · 107 comments

Rodti and Laura Elizabeth spotted these charming examples of local Scottish color outside an Internet cafe in Glasgow’s West End.

Folks we have toilets that only paying customers can use. I don't care who you are, how old you are, if your [sic] ill or not i have heard them all, FROM 1 - 100. The answer is no you can't use our toilet! Thank the person who smashed my toilet, don't take your energy out on the staff this was the owners statement!

Toilet poem! for all non customers who wish to use our toilet please read and take note! The pee house! for all the people who need the loo, heres a poem just for you, wether its a 1 or a 2 our lovely toilet is not for you! jog on!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, a grocery story elsewhere in Glasgow displays a similar plea for clemency…one that seems intended for a similar clientele.

Do to delivery error I regret to inform that this shop has no Buckfast at ALL please do not abuse the staff as it is not their fault. Thanks

related: Blame it on Coke

extra credit: Buckfast tonic wine [wikipedia]
The worst toilet in Scotland [youtube]

→ 107 CommentsFILED UNDER: "customer service" · apostrophe abuse · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Glasgow · irregular capitalization · not my fault · pure poetry · spelling and grammar police · toilet · U.K.