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But now I’m gold (hooray hooray)

October 14th, 2008 · 60 comments

Meg’s uncanny curatorial ability to uncover the silver lining in any situation was woefully under-appreciated at her last job, but even her former coworkers had to admit that this farewell e-mail was an impressive excavation of meg’s latent passive-aggressive tendencies.

Hi all, Due to Museum restructuring, my position has been terminated today. After seeing five other staff members voluntary departures from the Museum recently. I know this change is a step in the right direction for me. On to bigger, better galleries and museums with organized management and high-paying salaries!!! It has been a pleasure working with some of you more than other (you know who you are)! Cheers, Meg

Hi all, Due to Museum restructuring, my position has been terminated today. After seeing five other staff members voluntary departures from the Museum recently. I know this change is a step in the right direction for me. On to bigger, better galleries and museums with organized management and high-paying salaries!!! It has been a pleasure working with some of you more than others (you know who you are)! Cheers, Meg

related: This shit is bananas

→ 60 CommentsFILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · cheers · farewell letter · fired · you know who you are

Desperate times

October 13th, 2008 · 79 comments

Need another sign we’re officially in a recession? How ’bout three?

Please return My (not your) BIKE PUMP

Did you forget to return my BIKE PUMP?


related: “No” questions asked

→ 79 CommentsFILED UNDER: "accidental" "borrowing" · bicycle · California · excessive underlining · neighbors · San Francisco · smiley · thx

Let’s not mince words

October 12th, 2008 · 92 comments

Our anonymous submitter reports that a certain less-than-collegial colleague had the gall to dash off this note while the perfume-wearer in question was standing at the photocopier less than five feet away. And, our submitter adds: “She did not attempt at all to disguise her handwriting.”


related: Fight or flight

→ 92 CommentsFILED UNDER: California · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · more aggressive than passive · odor · office · oh no you didn't

The slow build

October 9th, 2008 · 106 comments

Like so many passive-aggressive notewriters, the author of this note — which Sarah in Brockton, Mass. says was posted in the elevator, front hallway, back hallway and the mailroom of her building after a particularly rowdy Friday — just can’t seem to fully commit to sarcasm as a rhetorical technique.

Thank you Unit 205. Let's all be sure to thank unit 205 for the party last night. We should all feel lucky that we have a neighbor so considerate that they bring people into our building that treat it like a frat house. Your scumbag friends (the ones that were swearing at your neighbors) seem like really nice people. PIGS!!!

(You know, because otherwise people might not get it!!!)

related: Just in case you didn’t catch the sarcasm…

→ 106 CommentsFILED UNDER: Massachusetts · neighbors · noise · thanks (but not really)

Seriously distruping

October 8th, 2008 · 77 comments

Found on the street by Joe in Somerville, Mass…

Ruthie, You have been asked many, many times not to leave notes. As this DISTRUPS the work of my fellow employees. Please respect my fellow employees and stop leaving notes. Thank you...

related: Oh, the irony

→ 77 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · meta · Somerville · spelling and grammar police

An inconvenient truth

October 7th, 2008 · 87 comments

Al Gore would likely be pleased hear that Marc in San Diego rides his bike (a vintage blue Colnago) to work in the mornings. A certain evangelical bike messenger, however, was less than impressed.

Dear Crazy Person: Buy a DECENT LOCK! Dude! You're riding a f-in COLNAGO! I should steal on PRINCIPLE, since it would take all of 10 seconds. I'm just here to help...

Marc says he’s since ditched his old cable lock. “After this note taught me the error of my ways, I now keep my bike inside where it’s safe.”

related: Next on thieves with low self-esteem

→ 87 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · bicycle · stealing

Listing in Now Magazine’s adult classifieds: $70. Revenge?

October 6th, 2008 · 76 comments

…well, you know how it goes.

The listing is NOW MAGAZINE is INCORRECT. We don't provide the services usually fulfilled by your left hand. If you have to knock, you don't belong here, so PLEASE LEAVE.

Meanwhile, in Melbourne…

Sorry, this premises no longer providers "erotic relaxation" or any other service of that nature.

And in London…


…a saucy variation on a much-photographed placard from London’s Soho:


But my favorite sign was spotted by Nick at a backpacker’s hostel in Rio:

Prostitutes are strictly forbidden to come upstairs. We recommend you go to Panda Motel at Sao Clemente, 298.

related: The whore of West Babylon

→ 76 CommentsFILED UNDER: "customer service" · Australia · Canada · Melbourne · Rio de Janeiro · sex sex sex · Toronto

Dear assholes

October 3rd, 2008 · 104 comments

I think we’ve received some of your mail by mistake. Just wanted to pass these along!

xoxo, PAN

Dear Assholes, I do not steal. I have never stolen from you. Why should you do that to me? CAN'T AFFORD A DOLLAR...GET A JOB

Dear Assholes, It's all good and well if you want to sneak out here to drink your beer, but please CLEAN UP after yourselves. This is the woods, not your trash can. Sincerely, The trees, the ferns, the groundhogs, all the other creatures that have to live in your mess

Dear Asshole, 6 spaces? Park the boat, then go out. I hope you can appreciate that I took the time to write + place this. I also hope, as much as I hope to get a cordless drill this X-mas, that you get towed. God.

Dear Assholes, Hope you enjoyed me liquor. It was my last bottle EVER and it was GREAT to wake up and find it all gone. Especially since I barely got any myself. Congratulations, you stole from a homeless, dirt-poor alcoholic minor. Hope you feel great about that.

related: Arrivederci, asshole

→ 104 CommentsFILED UNDER: "customer service" · beer · garbage · God · parking · stealing · The Earth

A “discussion” on shoes

October 2nd, 2008 · 108 comments

My favorite part of this two-page glory? The flash of insight on page 2: “I realize that last sentence is phrased as a question, but really it is more of a statement.”

(flip over for a discussion on shoes)

Shoes...let's get some shoes.

related: care, it makes a difference

→ 108 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · cleaning · confusion??? · exclamation-point happy!!!! · grow up · high on highlighter · martyr complex · roommates · shoes · spelling and grammar police

What $48,000 a year gets you

October 1st, 2008 · 94 comments

Jenny says these notes have started showing up in several of the bathroom stalls in her freshman dorm at Oberlin College. As far she knows, none of her fellow frosh have taken the custodians up on their suggestion…but who knows what’ll happen once Parents’ Weekend rolls around?


So, President Krislov… care to comment?

related: You might want to take a hard look at your washcloth first

→ 94 CommentsFILED UNDER: college life · disgruntled janitor · Ohio · toilet paper