News you can use

May 25th, 2008 · 62 comments

The word “newsflash,” like the phrase “no offense,” is an early indicator that what follows is probably going to be something pretty bitchy. Unless, of course, you’re watching TV news, in which case the word “newsflash” more likely heralds the announcement of a hard-hitting segment about the household product in your kitchen that could be killing your children. Either way: proceed with caution.

Exhibit a) from roommate to roommate, Chicago

Newsflash 1: trash does not take itself out. GROSS!?

Exhibit b) from mother to daughter, Irving, Texas

I have a news flash! I don't buy your wine! Thanks for drinking a bottle I never got to try!

Exhibit c) the pointed use of song lyrics in a Facebook status update

Newsflash BITCH...I don't live to please you

Exhibit d) stating the obvious

Newsflash: There is no ice fairy. If you do not have the courtesy to refill the ice trays (especially in 100 degree weather) do not take any ice.

SHOCKING NEWSFLASH: Dishes don't wash themselves

NEWSFLASH Bush: One of the Worst Disasters to Hit the U.S.

related: No offense! (just kidding) No worries! (just kidding)

→ 62 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · Facebook · garbage · ice · Moms & Dads · office · roommates · sarcasm · thanks (but not really) · whiteboard


The art of the passive-aggressive note

May 23rd, 2008 · 77 comments

Sure, it’d be easier and quicker to just clean it up. But the modern passive-aggressive (like Katey in Berkeley’s ex-roommate) can’t pass up the opportunity to make a point.

CAT ACCIDENT ->

A common variation on the Van der Rohe approach, as documented below by Sam in Dallas, is the so-called “Reverse Magritte.”

NOT A TRASH CAN

Meanwhile, post-modern passive-aggressives (like this New York office-worker below) can’t resist throwing some irony into the mix, intentional or not.

WTF? "What the fuck?"

More recently, passive-aggressives have begun to show the influence of the burgeoning neo-pop movement. Our anonymous submitter in Houston, for example, designed the original stamp below for use in his work. “I am an engineer and we have to mark up technical drawings for manufacture,” he explains, in his artist’s statement. “It gets used at least twice a day.”

WTF?

The bleeding-edge of passive-aggressive note-writing, however, lies on the west coast, where Rebecca in San Francisco says that in the past, “We’ve had an ongoing series of notes left in the office kitchen — usually of the ‘your mother doesn’t work here’ or ‘there is no such thing as the coffee fairy’ variety.” The Koons-inspired piece currently on display in the office breakroom, however, makes its point with no words at all.

the Jeff Koons approach

related: Why-fi

→ 77 CommentsFILED UNDER: actions speak louder · art · Berkeley · cleaning · Houston · New York · Oakland · obnoxious definition · office · roommates · San Francisco · WTF?


Greek melodrama

May 22nd, 2008 · 104 comments

“On our sorority dorm floor, the girls decorate their doors with pictures and various sorority decorations,” explains Kimberly in Knoxville, Tennessee. But when one of Kimberly’s sorority sisters noticed a few of her pictures were missing, she was like, really not happy. So, over the course of several days, she made her feelings known.

Who took the pictures off my door? Please put them back! - Cody I'm getting REALLY mad about this situation...if you took them PUT THEM BACK!

do NOT come talk to me about it b/c I did not give anyone permission to take them...it's called stealing so put my stuff back I'm really not kidding —Cody

Reports Kimberly: “No worries though — the pictures were finally returned.”

related: How hazing rituals are born

→ 104 CommentsFILED UNDER: and that's an order · college life · Knoxville · sorority girls · stealing · Tennessee


The parking class

May 22nd, 2008 · 70 comments

This lovely little exchange from Seattle comes to us via the ever-brilliant Dan Savage at The Stranger. It reads a bit like a “SAHM vs. WOHM” face-off on Urbanbaby, with blessedly fewer acronyms.

pic550

pic550

(More backstory and larger versions of the photos over at the slog.)

related: There’s Hertz…and there’s “not exactly”

→ 70 CommentsFILED UNDER: neighbors · oh snap · parking · Seattle


“Swiffer gives cleaning a whole new meaning”

May 21st, 2008 · 111 comments

Writes Bibs in Tacoma, Washington: “My sophomore year in college, I was placed in a campus house with six other girls I didn’t know.  To say the least, we did not really get along, but we made a chore chart so we would all at least have a semi-clean house to live in.” At least, that was the idea.

Things broke down when one of the housemates, Cindy, was confronted with the reality of seven girls sharing one bathroom. After this little display, Bibs says, the chore wheel pretty much went to hell.

swiffer gives cleaning a whole new meaning

related: Landmine in my bloodline

→ 111 CommentsFILED UNDER: cleaning · college life · excessive underlining · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · inappropriate word EMPHASIS · not cool · roommates · spelling and grammar police · Tacoma · to/too · visual aids


Perhaps it’s time for a little group therapy?

May 19th, 2008 · 111 comments

Our anonymous submitter spotted these notes in the shared kitchen of a “professional building” — one our submitter says is full of shrinks. Perhaps one of them could deduce whether “i.e. me” fits the DSM’s criteria for a diagnosis…or whether she’s just having a little trouble with her Latin.

i.e., me

related: eau dear
extra credit: “food odors at work” [chowhound.com]

→ 111 CommentsFILED UNDER: casual xenophobia · food · Freudian shit · i.e. or e.g. it's all greek -- or is it latin? -- to me · odor · office fridge · oh snap


The Pepsi Challenge

May 18th, 2008 · 130 comments

Kasey in Tucson spotted this orgy of vending-machine notes in the Anthropology department of the University of Arizona. Says Kasey, “They just keep adding up. I think the Pepsi man is either amused by them or just doesn’t care.” Perhaps…or maybe he’s just hanging back until he has enough material for his dissertation on non-verbal communication among 21st century north americans.

the pepsi challenge

the pepsi challenge

the pepsi challenge

the pepsi challenge

related: Blame it on Coke
extra credit: “look up lithotripsy” [wikipedia]

→ 130 CommentsFILED UNDER: beverages · college life · look it up · saga · Tucson · vending machine drama


Some dating advice

May 16th, 2008 · 156 comments

Here, a break-up note too long for a text message…though that might have a been more (fucking) appropriate.

If you're going to have naked pics of your ex on your phone, you might not want to make them your background pic + LEAVE YOUR PHONE OPEN WHILE YOU SHOWER! I am going for a walk + you better be the FUCK out of my apt by the time I get back. You're a fucking DOUCHE -- SHE'S FUCKING FAT! WTF?

related: you oughta know

→ 156 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · breakup · Cleveland · ex drama · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · more aggressive than passive


The more you know

May 15th, 2008 · 172 comments

This public service announcement is brought to us by Tully’s Coffee, courtesy of Megan in Seattle.

Point of interest: The barista who cleans this restroom also makes your coffee. Their mood determines the quality of your coffee. Thanks! P.S. Please don't do drugs in here.

related: “If it wasn’t for the toilet, there’d be no books”

→ 172 CommentsFILED UNDER: "customer service" · bathroom · cranky barista · drugs · high on highlighter · p.s. · Seattle · spelling and grammar police


Maybe it’s time for Sally Struthers to get involved

May 14th, 2008 · 140 comments

With finals and thesis deadlines coming up, stress levels among grad students at UC-Berkeley have been running high (which means attention to the finer points of, say, apostrophe use, are running low). And now there’s a lunch thief on the loose!

Taking food is a penal code violation and we have reported these thefts to the cops.

Sadly, says our submitter, the note’s multi-pronged approach (guilt, threats, helpful advice) seems to have had no effect; the lunch thief remains at large. The next course of action? “We’re considering planting laxative-laced desserts.”

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

→ 140 CommentsFILED UNDER: apostrophe abuse · Berkeley · California · college life · food · fridge · kitchen · preggers · stealing · the homeless · warning