Covering all the bases

April 9th, 2008 · 92 comments

“It seems too many people have made love to the office water cooler,” says Lizzy in New York. And some of them, it seems, are getting a little sloppy.

Lizzy says the “Office of Water” thing refers to the fact that “Our office is full of water. Like, the fridge doesn’t have anything but bottled water and Coke,” but I’m not quite buying it. I’d like to think this came from the EPA’s official Office of Water (Benjamin H. Grumbles, assistant administrator).

TO: WATER USERS: Lipstick stains have been noticed the water spigot (the faucet). Please keep your water containers away from the spigot. Also if you notice any stains on the water spigot. PLEASE SANITIZE THE SPIGOT IF YOU PUT STAINS ON IT. THIS CAN BECOME A HEALTH ISSUE. WE ARE THE OFFICE OF WATER REMEMBER. YOURS TRUELY [sic]!!! Also if the water bottle is empty please UNPLUG the water cooler. Thanks

→ 92 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · D.C. · double-entendre alert · New York · obnoxious definition · office · questionable logic · spelling and grammar police · that's unsanitary · water


Just trying to “Keep Austin Weird”

April 8th, 2008 · 135 comments

Sure, those luxury condos going up all over downtown Austin might look swanky, but our anonymous Austin submitter says her building offers plenty of exciting local color you won’t find in those glass-and-steel towers.

Perks include: 1) the building’s property manager, a character known for his impassioned screeds about everything from trash cans to expired vehicle registrations, and 2) a recurring sewage back-up that flows into the downstairs bathrooms of all the units. Rock ‘n’ roll, dude!

RE: Sewage back-up

“The roto-rooter has said repeatedly that the backup is caused by roots growing into the sewer system,” our submitter says, but that explanation didn’t seem to satisfy her tireless PM. Now he’s offering tenants flexible lease arrangements, too!

related: A filthy hap pit

→ 135 CommentsFILED UNDER: all clogged up · Austin · CAPS LOCK · landlords and property managers · toilet


…and the even higher risk of your ass growing too large for you to safely dislodge your head

April 7th, 2008 · 55 comments

Originally unearthed from outside the hallowed Conde Nast cafeteria in July 2001, this digital-age relic provides a quaint look back at those halcyon days among the New York media elite — back when Gawker was still just a glint in Nick Denton’s eye, young Anna Wintour acolytes were still stuck in the induction phase of the Atkins diet, and print media still seemed to maybe, sort-of matter!

It’s hard to say which seems more charming about this exchange: the amazingly un-snarky response of the cafeteria staff? Or the fact that someone would deign to eat mayonnaise at 4 Times Square?

We have eggs; we have mayo; Why then NO EGG SALAD? Please don't force me to contact The Post's PAGE SIX!!

related: like a rotten sponge

→ 55 CommentsFILED UNDER: "customer service" · "too inside fucking baseball" · excessive underlining · food · New York · not-so-veiled threats · office


Why I hate Miami, exhibit a

April 6th, 2008 · 74 comments

The fact that nightclubs have to post notes like this one:

Please do not vomit in the urinals

(Thanks to Jeff in New York for passing along!)

related: going up?

→ 74 CommentsFILED UNDER: actually totally reasonable · bathroom · Florida · Miami · not so much passive-aggressive · vomit


Notes white people leave

April 3rd, 2008 · 198 comments

OMG, ramekin drama! (from San Francisco, natch…)

(click to enlarge!)

related: #54 kitchen gadgets [stuffwhitepeoplelike.com]

→ 198 CommentsFILED UNDER: excessive underlining · meta · moving/not moving · San Francisco


I can has guilt trip?

April 2nd, 2008 · 112 comments

Writes Jake in Los Angeles: “At home for Christmas (in Greenville, South Carolina) I mentioned in passing that I would ‘try’ to make it home for Easter, which is what most southern refugee children with guilt complexes tell their doting mothers even though both sides know said child has no intention of showing up to hide eggs and eat ham.”

Jake’s mom, bless her heart, didn’t get the memo.

I am a sad cat wearing bunny ears.

Wish you were coming home but I understand. Love, M

related: Too many

→ 112 CommentsFILED UNDER: guilt trip · holiday spirit · Moms & Dads · South Carolina · southern charm


Facebook schoolyard smackdown

April 1st, 2008 · 105 comments

“Vet school is a sea of studying, testing, drinking and most of all: DRAMA,” reports an anonymous vet-to-be in Ames, Iowa.

Of course, as New York magazine reports this week, Facebook is taking run-of-the-mill classroom sniping to a whole new level of micro-bitchiness. If you have the patience (or the Adderall) to follow it, our submitter gives us a play-by-play of one recent status-update smackdown.

Jessika really wishes people would STOP asking questions at the review sessions, please stop wasting everyone's time because you are dumb!

Vanessa thinks people who think people are dumb should not be in professional school.

Naomi doesn't understand why ppl are upset for others asking questions during a review section. Gee, I wonder what a review section IS for???

You should really think before you "facebook" your thoughts

Vanessa hopes her classmate's future clients get better treatment than their fellow colleagues.

DRAMA IS AWESOME, WE NEED MORE!

related: So obsessed that I’m becoming a bore

→ 105 CommentsFILED UNDER: Facebook · group bitchfest · Iowa · kids today · saga


Maybe you should switch to body wash?

March 31st, 2008 · 89 comments

At least that would make the roommate situation a little less hairy

STOP USING MY BAR OF SOAP IN THE SHOWER!

related: Losing Lisa

→ 89 CommentsFILED UNDER: grow up · hair · hygiene · roommates · San Diego · shower · that's disgusting


A lesson in crime

March 30th, 2008 · 58 comments

Finding funny-haha Engrish signs in Japan is almost too easy, but Biella from New York didn’t settle for cheap laughs during her trip. “Your English is good,” one might say, but this club’s “advisory” about the Tokyo police is pure paranoiac gold.

a lesson in crime

extra credit: Uniformed vigilantes patrol tokyo streets to intimidate slackers [boingboing.net]

→ 58 CommentsFILED UNDER: Clearly a non-native English speaker · exclamation-point happy!!!! · high on highlighter · Tokyo


If you needed an excuse to skip the gym today…

March 28th, 2008 · 99 comments

Well, our anonymous contributor in Pompano Beach, Florida has one for you.

He explains: “I keep a gym membership so that I can feel good about my financial commitment to my health — not so much for the actual health benefits per se. I hadn’t been to the gym in at least two months when I came across this note posted by the showers. (My shower at home was being worked on.) I’m glad I make it a habit to wear sandals in the shower during my quarterly visits.”

ATTENTION   Please refrain from defecating in the shower areas. It is unsanitary and hazardous to the health and well being of our members and staff. Thank you!

related: The Mad Bomber

→ 99 CommentsFILED UNDER: actually totally reasonable · Florida · gym · shit · shower · that's disgusting · that's unsanitary