Stop! In the name of clip art.

April 15th, 2008 · 80 comments

Like this phrase, there are a few irritating little pieces of clip art that keep popping up in submissions over and over again. Hovering somewhere near the top of most-wanted list is this pouty little white-gloved dandy.

From the factories of Pittsburgh…

STOP TAKING OTHER PEOPLE'S FOOD OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR FREEZER IF IT DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU!

…to the cube-farms of Virginia, this perspiring misanthrope has been spreading his message of intolerance with impunity.

But, once again, it’s a note from a church bathroom (this one spotted by Jess in Boston) that really pushes things to a whole new level of divine didacticism.

No! Stop!

Can I get a witness?!

related: clip art crimes

→ 80 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · Boston · CAPS LOCK · clip art catastrophe · exclamation-point happy!!!! · gloriously redundant · most popular notes of 2008 · neighbors · office fridge · Pittsburgh


The fruitcake’s in the mail

April 15th, 2008 · 99 comments

“Not long before I left my previous job writing reviews of video games, I got this little gem from someone involved in the production of a game I didn’t exactly care for,” Alex says. “Game-makers bitching about reviews is nothing new, but rarely do they do it with as much sarcastic flair as this one does.”

the fruitcake's in the mail

related: An occasion that Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate

→ 99 CommentsFILED UNDER: apostrophe abuse · e-mail · holiday spirit · sarcasm · thanks (but not really)


Or take a cab!!!

April 14th, 2008 · 73 comments

Cameron says the window cases in her college dorm are typically filled with run-of-the-mill upcoming event calendars or bland motivational posters, so this educational display caught her a little off guard.

or take a cab!!!

related: No bread and circuses! But maybe an ice cream social?

→ 73 CommentsFILED UNDER: college life · driving · New York · RA · that's illegal · visual aids


Maybe if it was Hawaiian shirt day?

April 11th, 2008 · 52 comments

Alexa in Texas works in a graduate lab of five students. One Friday, she says, “our advisor came in around 9:30 a.m. looking for us. No dice: except for one poor guy, we were all out.” When the hard-working crew finally rolled in around 1:30 (or, um, 3 p.m.), they were greeted by this inspirational slogan pinned to the door.

Friday: 'A great day to work'

related: Paul Newman, the Franz Ferdinand of the fridge

→ 52 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · college life · lab rats · now that's management · office · Texas


Shittiest secret admirer ever?

April 10th, 2008 · 154 comments

“My roommate thinks I took her dry erase board when I was 40 miles away the week it was taken,” says an anonymous college student in Tampa, Florida. “She has been leaving me notes like this ALL YEAR.”

God help our poor submitter, but I’m nominating this crazy rainbow of a note for the passive-aggressive hall of fame. (Prize: a year’s worth of anger-management therapy?)

You don't know me...and to be honest I don't think you want to...but there is an issue that I need to address with you...and I'm not gonna be passive-aggressie about it. It has come to my attention that you have taken the white board that I gave Emily!!! And that angers me!!! I am not a child and I don't play childish games so let me put this as simply as I can...don't take shit that doesn't belong to you!!! I am writing this to you telling you to give Emily her shit back before I have to take matters into my own hands and get people involved that don't need to be in this...The next step in this little game is to go to our housing authority and I don't think you really want them to know about your skeeze-ball boyfriend living with you...or having to deal with the penalties and fines that come along with your ignorant acts! So stop being a cunt and give us the board back immediately. Thanks :) Your Secret Admirer

related: Which one of these is not like the other?

→ 154 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · crazypants · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · gloriously redundant · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2008 · not-so-veiled threats · oh the irony · rainbow-colored · roommates · smiley · stealing · whiteboard


Covering all the bases

April 9th, 2008 · 92 comments

“It seems too many people have made love to the office water cooler,” says Lizzy in New York. And some of them, it seems, are getting a little sloppy.

Lizzy says the “Office of Water” thing refers to the fact that “Our office is full of water. Like, the fridge doesn’t have anything but bottled water and Coke,” but I’m not quite buying it. I’d like to think this came from the EPA’s official Office of Water (Benjamin H. Grumbles, assistant administrator).

TO: WATER USERS: Lipstick stains have been noticed the water spigot (the faucet). Please keep your water containers away from the spigot. Also if you notice any stains on the water spigot. PLEASE SANITIZE THE SPIGOT IF YOU PUT STAINS ON IT. THIS CAN BECOME A HEALTH ISSUE. WE ARE THE OFFICE OF WATER REMEMBER. YOURS TRUELY [sic]!!! Also if the water bottle is empty please UNPLUG the water cooler. Thanks

→ 92 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · D.C. · double-entendre alert · New York · obnoxious definition · office · questionable logic · spelling and grammar police · that's unsanitary · water


Just trying to “Keep Austin Weird”

April 8th, 2008 · 135 comments

Sure, those luxury condos going up all over downtown Austin might look swanky, but our anonymous Austin submitter says her building offers plenty of exciting local color you won’t find in those glass-and-steel towers.

Perks include: 1) the building’s property manager, a character known for his impassioned screeds about everything from trash cans to expired vehicle registrations, and 2) a recurring sewage back-up that flows into the downstairs bathrooms of all the units. Rock ‘n’ roll, dude!

RE: Sewage back-up

“The roto-rooter has said repeatedly that the backup is caused by roots growing into the sewer system,” our submitter says, but that explanation didn’t seem to satisfy her tireless PM. Now he’s offering tenants flexible lease arrangements, too!

related: A filthy hap pit

→ 135 CommentsFILED UNDER: all clogged up · Austin · CAPS LOCK · landlords and property managers · toilet


…and the even higher risk of your ass growing too large for you to safely dislodge your head

April 7th, 2008 · 55 comments

Originally unearthed from outside the hallowed Conde Nast cafeteria in July 2001, this digital-age relic provides a quaint look back at those halcyon days among the New York media elite — back when Gawker was still just a glint in Nick Denton’s eye, young Anna Wintour acolytes were still stuck in the induction phase of the Atkins diet, and print media still seemed to maybe, sort-of matter!

It’s hard to say which seems more charming about this exchange: the amazingly un-snarky response of the cafeteria staff? Or the fact that someone would deign to eat mayonnaise at 4 Times Square?

We have eggs; we have mayo; Why then NO EGG SALAD? Please don't force me to contact The Post's PAGE SIX!!

related: like a rotten sponge

→ 55 CommentsFILED UNDER: "customer service" · "too inside fucking baseball" · excessive underlining · food · New York · not-so-veiled threats · office


Why I hate Miami, exhibit a

April 6th, 2008 · 74 comments

The fact that nightclubs have to post notes like this one:

Please do not vomit in the urinals

(Thanks to Jeff in New York for passing along!)

related: going up?

→ 74 CommentsFILED UNDER: actually totally reasonable · bathroom · Florida · Miami · not so much passive-aggressive · vomit


Notes white people leave

April 3rd, 2008 · 198 comments

OMG, ramekin drama! (from San Francisco, natch…)

(click to enlarge!)

related: #54 kitchen gadgets [stuffwhitepeoplelike.com]

→ 198 CommentsFILED UNDER: excessive underlining · meta · moving/not moving · San Francisco