In-game placement would have scored much higher in user engagement

January 21st, 2008 · 62 comments

At the Circuit City in Bradenton, Florida (which I envision something like this) one anonymous employee reports that much of the staff’s downtime is spent obsessively playing Guitar Hero 3 in the store’s breakroom. They even have a 42-inch wall-mounted flatscreen expressly for this purpose. Or at least, they did, until about a month ago.

THE TV WILL RETURN WHEN WE LEARN HOW TO RESPECT OUR BREAKROOM!!!

Our anonymous employee takes umbrage with two issues here. First of all, “there are more than 50 employees who share this room. Does it really look that dirty?” And second, the fact that “instead of reminding us to pick up during any one of our 30 daily meetings, someone actually wasted the time to TAKE PICTURES of the ‘mess’ and hang them in place of the TV. Wouldn’t a simple, ‘hey y’all, clean up your shit?’ have been much, much more efficient?”

What is this “efficiency” of which you speak? It’s certainly not in the retail management handbook!

related: office anthropomorphism

→ 62 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Florida · now that's management · retail hell · that's disrespectful · visual aids


Ceci n’est pas une note passif-agressif

January 20th, 2008 · 61 comments

Rachel in Virginia says her two roommates, “despite seeing and talking to me multiple times a day, decide to air their grievances through notes.” These grievances include being responsible for a $200 water bill “because i wash my face and hands at night and in the morning.” rachel has decided that enough is enough.

To paraphrase the Dude paraphrasing Bush Senior: This passive-aggression will not stand, man.

I am not longer accepting passive aggressive notes from people I live with. If you want to complain, talk to me like an adult. Heart, Rachel

Meanwhile, Ben in Helena, Montana says he loves passive-aggressive notes.

In fact, he loves them so much that he had these special sticky notes printed up — both as an homage to our humble projet and “to encourage and facilitate the leaving of such notes.”

Another Passive-Aggressive Note from Ben: Please let me know if you need more work to do! :)

Adds Ben, “They’ve proved so popular I already need to order some more.” (Unclear whether this is a good thing.)

related: “That shit is disrespectful”

→ 61 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · heart · meta · Montana · smiley · Virginia


To the victor goes the bile

January 17th, 2008 · 59 comments

Ruben in Pregon works for an Apple reseller where the managers like to fire up the sales team with little competitions. (iPhones don’t sell themselves, people! For that, you’ll have to hold out for version 2.0.)

When Josh, the store’s very own Dwight Schrute, was pronounced the winner of a recent contest, things unfolded pretty much the way you’d expect.

to the victor goes the bileto the victor goes the bile (part 2)

The only person more universally reviled than the office suckup? the new guy, of course.

Says Ruben: “Most of us are real sticklers for keeping track of new product, but recently we brought on this new guy, Victor, and he hasn’t been doing too well.” Ruben came into work one day to find this MacBook battery on one of the tech benches, along with these notes that explain the entire story in just nine words. (And three question marks.)

to the victor goes the bile

Ruben says this pwnage became less hilarious when Victor actually did end up getting fired. “Awwkard!”

related: Your last day of work was yesterday

→ 59 CommentsFILED UNDER: confusion??? · fired · group bitchfest · office · Oregon · retail hell · whiteboard


It always comes down to the toilet paper.

January 16th, 2008 · 69 comments

Our anonymous submitter received this note after playing host to his friend’s band. In his defense, he says, “the house was not messy.” and, besides, “I never leave him notes when I do normal household chores like emptying the dishwasher and taking the trash out.”

I cleaned the kitchen, emptied the dishwasher, and took out the trash. I would appreciate if you clean my with bathroom which got purely abused by your friends.

Adds our submitter: “Oh, and he can’t count — it was seven guys.” (Quite a Michelle-esque touch, no?)

related: Martyr complex much?

→ 69 CommentsFILED UNDER: band · bathroom · paper product fairy · roommates · that's disgusting · toilet paper


Mad Man

January 15th, 2008 · 92 comments

It was a “killer busy” week at the office, so Gord in Ontario admits that he and his ad-business coworkers left the place in a certain state of disarray. (Such is the wont of “creative professionals.”) Unfortunately, the boss chose that weekend to pop in to give some people an impromptu tour. On Monday, these adorable little thought balloons were posted all around the office.

I don't want anything on the floor again! Ever! Ger this crap off the floor and into an organized area. This is DISGUSTING. You've spilled coffee on MY books.

THIS PLACE IS A FUCKING SHITHOUSE. Boys, this is a man's business - it's an image business, I don't know how far you expect to go with this company but I can tell you right now - I will only associate myself with people who show professional attitude to every phase. If you want to survive you'd better start thinking like business men.

The boss never mentioned the incident again. But rationalizing, it seems, that a sleeping dog is just a dog waiting to be kicked, Gord and his coworkers turned the notes into a T-shirt.

related: Is this what a post-post-feminist looks like?

→ 92 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · CAPS LOCK · casual sexism · cleaning · office · Ontario · that's disgusting · that's unprofessional


This is why your postal worker is disgruntled

January 14th, 2008 · 75 comments

Amanda spotted this on the door of the post office in Milford, Pennsylvania. (Confidential to the fecal matter general: Dude, I know recycling can be a hassle sometimes, but this seems like a little much.)

Please help us catch the customer that is depositing FECES in our lobby trash cans lobby trash is only for paper trash

Perhaps the Brooklynites who issued this poetical preemptive warning knew what they were doing all along…

a legionnaire's idea of epigrammatic wit

related: this is why your server is cranky

→ 75 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · garbage · going postal · more like crazy · Pennsylvania · shit


“Take out of box, place directly in toilet”

January 13th, 2008 · 85 comments

After noticing a tell-tale crisping sleeve in the garbage, Charlie in New York spotted this helpful directive on the office fridge.

TO WHOEVER ATE MY LEAN POCKETS: THIS PICTURE SHOULD HELP WHEN YOU GO TO THE STORE TO REPLACE THEM

(Though if you ask Jim Gaffigan, the thief was really doing the guy a favor.)

related: I swear this isn’t some kind of viral marketing campaign

→ 85 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · New York · office fridge · stealing · visual aids


Or possilly, that no body ‘b’ there

January 12th, 2008 · 74 comments

Mishee was about to go ahead and just pay for that Snapple…until she saw this colorful little note at a drugstore in Sunnyvale, California. Phew!

attn.JPG

UPDATE: Mishee (ever the overachiever) has returned to the scene to satisfy your curiosity about the signs behind the signs…and finds her Snapple-drinking plans foiled in the process!

Photobucket

related: If it weren’t for the toilet, there would be no books

→ 74 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · bathroom · California · sad face · Silicon Valley · spelling and grammar police · unnecessary "quotation marks"


When peevish college girls attack!

January 10th, 2008 · 105 comments

When Julie in Elkhart, Indiana saw this note from her roommate, Molly…

Molly's Pet Peive [sic]: Drippy Faucets. Please turn them off completely when you are done. Thanks

…she decided it was time to go on the offensive.

Julie's pet peeve: spelling errors! If you want me to take you seriously, make an effort :)

Then came the counter attack…

Molly's 2nd pet peeve: Having to tell ppl to turn the facet [sic] off in the first place

…and then Julie photographed the exchange and sent it to us.

When peevish college girls attack!

Game, set, match.

related: I know where she lives

→ 105 CommentsFILED UNDER: awk abbrev · Indiana · most popular notes of 2008 · note wars · oh snap · roommates · smiley · spelling and grammar police


More like hardly working

January 9th, 2008 · 133 comments

Mara in Minneapolis ( average temperature in January: 12° F/-11° C) says the worst job she’s ever had was at a local thrift store — and not because of the crazy customers and their indiscreet use of the fitting rooms. No, like many workers, the crazy person driving Mara crazy was her boss — the author of the masterpiece below.

NO ONE IS TO TOUCH THE THERMOSTATS. It is always cold in the morning so wear a sweatshirt, when it warms up from the lights and the sun and I hope because you're working hard take it off. What a great concept. (I made it up myself that's why I am the manager.)

Mara says she lasted three weeks before her boss made her so angry that she walked out and never looked back. (No, not even to leave a little surprise behind in the bath—er, fitting room. That’s management-level thinking, folks.)

related: When nature calls

→ 133 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · crazy boss · Minneapolis/St. Paul · now that's management · retail hell · runaway run-on sentences · temperature