Homero in Portland had just finished heating up his lunch in the office microwave when he returned to his desk to find this “helpful” note — attached to an ad from the local alt-weekly — waiting on his chair. Though it’s unsigned, he says he’s pretty sure he knows which coworker left it for him. “She’s kind of socially stunted, but seems to think that a) she’s very funny and b) we’re BFF,” Homero says. “Um…no.”
related: WoW, indeed
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · office · Portland · smiley
You gotta love my Grandma Cookie — she’s always looking out for my figure!
(This is why the Seder calls for the drinking of four cups of wine.)
related: too many
extra credit: our stomachs, ourselves [heeb]
FILED UNDER: animated fucking e-card · Grandma · holiday spirit
Writes Bailey in Oklahoma: “My nine-year-old brother hung the original note on his door when I came home from college for Christmas. After I laughed it off, he left a special note just for me. When I walked in anyway, he yelled, “Didn’t you see the sign?!?’ I can’t believe I’m being patronized by a third-grader.”
(Don’t worry, Bailey, you’re not the only one.)
related: No kids allowed!
FILED UNDER: battle of the sexes · kids · siblings · visual aids
After six months of backpacking through Australia, my former roommate Robin stopped by her mom’s house on Long Island to unload her giant pack of souvenirs, leftover trail mix, and unwashed underwear. Her crucial mistake — besides the basic one: returning back home to mom as an adult — leaving an unopened can of planter’s peanuts on the floor of her room…within sight of her mom, who is, um, deathly allergic to peanuts.
The note she left was simple enough, but for Robin, the subtext was clear: “What, you’ve been back one day, and already you’re trying to kill me?”
“Honestly, I’m pretty surprised she didn’t add in ‘…OR I WILL DIE!!!’ at the end,” says Robin. “But the dirty looks I got from my stepdad the rest of the day basically said as much.” After getting a very thorough talking-to the next day about the finer points of washing cast-iron cookware, she decided it was definitely time to get her own place.
related: Cleaning party!
FILED UNDER: food · Moms & Dads · New York · pleasantries as afterthought
Like this phrase, there are a few irritating little pieces of clip art that keep popping up in submissions over and over again. Hovering somewhere near the top of most-wanted list is this pouty little white-gloved dandy.
From the factories of Pittsburgh…
…to the cube-farms of Virginia, this perspiring misanthrope has been spreading his message of intolerance with impunity.
But, once again, it’s a note from a church bathroom (this one spotted by Jess in Boston) that really pushes things to a whole new level of divine didacticism.
Can I get a witness?!
related: clip art crimes
FILED UNDER: bathroom · Boston · CAPS LOCK · clip art catastrophe · exclamation-point happy!!!! · gloriously redundant · most popular notes of 2008 · neighbors · office fridge · Pittsburgh
“Not long before I left my previous job writing reviews of video games, I got this little gem from someone involved in the production of a game I didn’t exactly care for,” Alex says. “Game-makers bitching about reviews is nothing new, but rarely do they do it with as much sarcastic flair as this one does.”
related: An occasion that Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate
FILED UNDER: apostrophe abuse · e-mail · holiday spirit · sarcasm · thanks (but not really)
Cameron says the window cases in her college dorm are typically filled with run-of-the-mill upcoming event calendars or bland motivational posters, so this educational display caught her a little off guard.
related: No bread and circuses! But maybe an ice cream social?
FILED UNDER: college life · driving · New York · RA · that's illegal · visual aids
Alexa in Texas works in a graduate lab of five students. One Friday, she says, “our advisor came in around 9:30 a.m. looking for us. No dice: except for one poor guy, we were all out.” When the hard-working crew finally rolled in around 1:30 (or, um, 3 p.m.), they were greeted by this inspirational slogan pinned to the door.
related: Paul Newman, the Franz Ferdinand of the fridge
FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · college life · lab rats · now that's management · office · Texas
“My roommate thinks I took her dry erase board when I was 40 miles away the week it was taken,” says an anonymous college student in Tampa, Florida. “She has been leaving me notes like this ALL YEAR.”
God help our poor submitter, but I’m nominating this crazy rainbow of a note for the passive-aggressive hall of fame. (Prize: a year’s worth of anger-management therapy?)
related: Which one of these is not like the other?
FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · crazypants · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · gloriously redundant · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2008 · not-so-veiled threats · oh the irony · rainbow-colored · roommates · smiley · stealing · whiteboard
“It seems too many people have made love to the office water cooler,” says Lizzy in New York. And some of them, it seems, are getting a little sloppy.
Lizzy says the “Office of Water” thing refers to the fact that “Our office is full of water. Like, the fridge doesn’t have anything but bottled water and Coke,” but I’m not quite buying it. I’d like to think this came from the EPA’s official Office of Water (Benjamin H. Grumbles, assistant administrator).
FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · D.C. · double-entendre alert · New York · obnoxious definition · office · questionable logic · spelling and grammar police · that's unsanitary · water