It’s not funny, it’s my sandwich

December 5th, 2007 · 138 comments

Joe in Northern Virginia has amassed a pretty divine collection of office fridge notes over the years, the best of which portend various forms of karmic/economic/physical retribution.

IT's not funny! It's not a joke! It's STEALING...and it could cost you your job! Please be sure that you don't "accidentally" eat someone else's food!

BEWARE One of your coworkers is a thief and so completely lazy that they stole my sandwich. They stole a HOMEMADE sandwich. Who steals food in the first place? And honestly, who steals a non-packaged product? Do you really want something someone else handled? From now on, I suggest everyone sneezes on and profusely licks their food prior to bringing it to work. I know I will.

The the ignorant person who stole my lunch between yesterday and today: I just wanted to let you know that I have strep throat and you'll notice I had partially eaten the food. Don't be surprised if you get sick.

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

→ 138 CommentsFILED UNDER: "accidental" "borrowing" · ellipses-crazed · food · karma's a bitch · licking · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · Reston · stealing · Virginia


Holy matrimony

December 4th, 2007 · 105 comments

Karolina in Dallas says she typically tries to wait her husband out in situations like this one, but she almost always ends up caving — “particularly when mold is involved.”

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related: 10 people, 1 kitchen

→ 105 CommentsFILED UNDER: Dallas/Fort Worth · dishes · mold · sig o


Choose-your-own adventure memo

December 4th, 2007 · 125 comments

Daniel saw this note in a men’s room on the 59th floor of the Empire State Building, where he confirms the toilets were indeed frequently left unflushed.

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related: Priorities

→ 125 CommentsFILED UNDER: memo · New York · office · pleasantries as afterthought · rhetorical question · toilet


I used to be your biggest fan

December 3rd, 2007 · 69 comments

Derek and his bandmates in the Grand rapids, Michigan rock/metal band Charles the Osprey were in the middle of a post-set smoke when the club’s bartender came outside, grinning ear-to-ear, and handed them this note.

Unlike the unwilling participants in Improv Rverywhere’s “best gig ever,” Charles the Osprey seem to be taking the attention in stride. Writes Derek: “The funniest part is that she says nothing about the songwriting, which is obviously what she really hated, but rather talks about our lack of talent!”

Band #1 — Thanks for playing tonight. I really enjoyed your obvious lack of musical talent. It also really helps to play your bad music really, really, low! Give me a call sometime. Meghan 6168418159

(Sorry, would-be prank callers: it’s a non-working number.)

related: You know he only became a dj to get girls

→ 69 CommentsFILED UNDER: Grand Rapids · Michigan · music · sarcasm · thanks (but not really)


ABP on the V8

December 2nd, 2007 · 88 comments

Nobody likes it when food goes missing from the office fridge, but one V8-drinking facilities staffer in Savannah, Georgia wanted to make her displeasure a bit more official.

ABP on the V8

Adds our anonymous submitter: “As you can see, the pest control department took appropriate action.”

ABP on the V8

related: If the TSA was in charge of the office fridge? 

→ 88 CommentsFILED UNDER: beverages · Georgia · office · office fridge · Savannah · stealing


Gossip boy

December 2nd, 2007 · 46 comments

Our anonymous submitter in San Diego got this text message from a friend, explaining: “It’s in reference to him hooking up with one of my friends on my couch. He’s hooked up with three of my friends to date. It’s bound to get around, ya know?”

So I am so glad my drunk outings with you turn into great stories you share with EVERYONE

Adds our submitter: “There’s no safe way to respond to a passive-aggressive text, so I haven’t.”

related: Recipe for roommate discord

→ 46 CommentsFILED UNDER: drizzunk · frenemies · San Diego · sarcasm · sex sex sex · text message


It’s not food, mister — it’s ice cream!

November 29th, 2007 · 100 comments

Tourist traps have the best signs. More proof? This exercise in subtlety is from Provincetown, Mass., where it was spotted by intrepid vacationer Teresa from Boise.

Ice cream: apparently no longer a food

Exhibit b) is from Washington, D.C., in a store Sam says sold “all sorts of crap, from Nixon and Michael Jackson pins to African drums and sweaters.”

No Food No Drink No Smoking No Ice Cream

And in Las Vegas, even “the ice cream of the future” doesn’t get a special exemption.

But...it's the ice cream of the future!

→ 100 CommentsFILED UNDER: beverages · blitzkrieg approach · Cape Cod · CAPS LOCK · D.C. · food · ice cream · Massachusetts · questionable logic · smoking · tourists


Just plane rude

November 28th, 2007 · 114 comments

Writes Deanne: “Because Orlando prides itself on being a friendly city, we tend to do most of our dirty work via passive-aggressive notes and signs. This one is from the front door of a tacky tourist shop on international drive. I can get past the reference to ‘plane rude’ but the ‘Macdonalds’ analogy is a stretch.” (I’d add that characterizing this as a safety concern is a bit of a stretch too, but I think the amazing clip art and the hand-drawn smiley are what really push this one over the top.)

Please do not bring bags of the other store into our store. Besides for safety it is just plane rude. Would you bring a Burger King bag into the MacDonalds [sic]! Thank you very much!!

Adds Deanne: “I’ve never brought a Burger King bag into McDonald’s, but that’s not because of fast food etiquette, just lack of time. I did bring a Macy’s bag into a Sears store, and I’ve never felt the least bit guilty about it!”

→ 114 CommentsFILED UNDER: clip art catastrophe · etiquette · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Florida · Orlando · questionable logic · retail hell · smiley · spelling and grammar police


I’ve got my eye on you

November 27th, 2007 · 135 comments

Laura spotted this punchline of a note (“you know it’s time to move out when…”) at her apartment building in downtown Brooklyn. Or rather, her former apartment building. It’s unclear whether the note-leaver was motivated by recent research suggesting that pictures of eyes may deter crime.

Attn: To the Ass-hole who keeps breaking & entering this building to steal the locks off the doors, you will be caught.

Meanwhile, Kim in Worcester, Massachusetts spotted a convenience store taking a similarly whimsical approach to theft prevention.

Did you know? Stealing is a crime. When we catch you we will call the police and have you arrested. We are watching you and so are the camera's [sic]. Say cheese!

→ 135 CommentsFILED UNDER: apostrophe abuse · Brooklyn · CAPS LOCK · excessive underlining · Massachusetts · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · stealing · the po-po · Worcester


“No” questions asked

November 26th, 2007 · 122 comments

I love how the notewriter quickly abandons the initial pretense here, then completely throws in the towel with the last line.

Will the people who "borrowed" our flower boxes (white flowers, dirt and all) please return them? No questions asked. :(  (Except - WHY???)

Thanks to Adam in San Francisco for spotting this masterpiece!

→ 122 CommentsFILED UNDER: "accidental" "borrowing" · CAPS LOCK · confusion??? · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · sad face · San Francisco · stealing