Actually, we just hate you

December 13th, 2007 · 99 comments

“We really don’t hate the holidays,” says our anonymous foreign-policy elf in Washington, D.C., “just passive-aggressive coworkers.”

Holiday haters?

related: Perhaps a committee to assess the health of the committee?

→ 99 CommentsFILED UNDER: D.C. · e-mail · holiday spirit · money · office · party planning committee · spelling and grammar police


So much for turning the other cheek

December 13th, 2007 · 140 comments

Thanks to Sarah for capturing this delicious little slice of life from her Christian college in Illinois. (Delicious like a quart of Starbucks Coffee Almond Fudge, not one measly little low-fat Frappucino bar.)

Dear Sinner, I specifically wrote on the box of Starbuck's Frappucino bars Don't Touch! But did that stop you. No instead you took the liberty of taking my last one!

related: but He took the wheel

→ 140 CommentsFILED UNDER: apostrophe abuse · college life · excessive underlining · heart · ice cream · Illinois · irregular capitalization · not-so-veiled threats · spelling and grammar police · touching · You call that punctuation? · you're like so going to hell


Adio, amigo

December 12th, 2007 · 103 comments

Our anonymous submitter saw this note posted on the door to the walk-in cooler at a convenience store in Boerne, Texas. “The clerk told me that the Red Bull delivery guy had been drinking Red Bull and leaving the empty cans on the floor of the walk-in,” our submitter says. “In her words, ‘he was knockin’ himself off!’”

adio, amigo

(the full scene)

but it gives you wings

related: “If it wasn’t for the toilet, there would be no books.”

→ 103 CommentsFILED UNDER: beverages · CAPS LOCK · message to all intended for one · spelling and grammar police · stealing


Seriously!?!

December 11th, 2007 · 59 comments

The inimitable Jeff Rubin passes along this note from the foyer of his Park Slope apartment building. Yup, that’s what you think it is there on the floor. (Perhaps a hapless victim of the bag-tampering deliquent?)

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(Jeff says the mess was cleaned up when he checked a few hours later.)

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Brooklyn, confusion still reigns.

Pick up after your dog!!! You are not an animal?

related: Oh, shit!

→ 59 CommentsFILED UNDER: Brooklyn · confusion??? · dogs · Park Slope · shit


The thought that counts

December 10th, 2007 · 101 comments

Our anonymous submitter from Dallas works in the creative department of a large corporation that’s recently cut back on extras like holiday parties and cake and fruit. This Scrooge-like misanthropy seems to have taken a toll on staff morale — even among the determined breed of office “fun fund” leaders.

(Click to enlarge; transcription below!

passive-aggressive gift exchange

subject: Secret Santa

Since we have no more motherly types left (Denise, Andrea, etc.), I have been elected to be the cruise director this year.

We’re doing it from next Monday (the 10th) to next Friday (the 14th), since people will start going out of town the week after that.

We have a $20 max. You can spend it however you like. You can get your person a $4 gift every day, a big $20 gift on the last day, or however you want to break it up.

If you’ like to participate, please come sign up at my desk by tomorrow by noon. I will be drawing the names at lunch time. It’s not mandatory for everyone to play, but just do it. Don’t be a grinch!

If you don’t care what your Santa gets you that is fine, but if you do, please post a “Secret Santa Wish List” on your cube, so that they will have an idea what you like, and can go shopping this weekend.

Also, don’t give people used stuff (the person who gave me the half burned candle two years ago knows who they are!).

related: If you can afford $10 worth of flair…

→ 101 CommentsFILED UNDER: actions speak louder · Dallas/Fort Worth · holiday spirit · office · party planning committee


Get your own :)

December 9th, 2007 · 82 comments

Individual cheese pizza with chicken, bacon, sun-dried tomato and feta cheese plus a side salad: $6.31. Addressing your note “to whom it may concern” when you only have one roommate? (You know the rest.)

get your own :)

(Thanks to Todd in Stillwater, Oklahoma for snapping the photo.)

related: you left evidence

→ 82 CommentsFILED UNDER: college life · excessive underlining · Oklahoma · pizza · pleasantries as afterthought · roommates · smiley


Blame it on Coke

December 6th, 2007 · 158 comments

Casey from Shreveport, Louisiana spotted this on the Coke machine in the office break room. she clarifies: “Henry G.’s comment is in reference to the increase in price, not Katie’s wanting more Coke Zero.”

Due to the rising cost of soft drinks, the price of drinks has gone up to $1.25. We are sorry for the inconvenience this may cause. (! want COKE ZERO back! I'll buy more, I promise.)

Meanwhile, Breanna in L.A. saw this somewhat amusing notice in a liquor store on the corner of Hollywood and Wine. (“Did someone pee on it?” she wonders.)

Sorry for the incontinent, Coke Company has neglected to repair the cooler.

related: I’d like to buy the world a…Gatorade?

→ 158 CommentsFILED UNDER: Coke · group bitchfest · Los Angeles · not my fault · office · raging against the machine · Say wha? · Shreveport · spelling and grammar police · vending machine drama


It’s not funny, it’s my sandwich

December 5th, 2007 · 138 comments

Joe in Northern Virginia has amassed a pretty divine collection of office fridge notes over the years, the best of which portend various forms of karmic/economic/physical retribution.

IT's not funny! It's not a joke! It's STEALING...and it could cost you your job! Please be sure that you don't "accidentally" eat someone else's food!

BEWARE One of your coworkers is a thief and so completely lazy that they stole my sandwich. They stole a HOMEMADE sandwich. Who steals food in the first place? And honestly, who steals a non-packaged product? Do you really want something someone else handled? From now on, I suggest everyone sneezes on and profusely licks their food prior to bringing it to work. I know I will.

The the ignorant person who stole my lunch between yesterday and today: I just wanted to let you know that I have strep throat and you'll notice I had partially eaten the food. Don't be surprised if you get sick.

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

→ 138 CommentsFILED UNDER: "accidental" "borrowing" · ellipses-crazed · food · karma's a bitch · licking · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · Reston · stealing · Virginia


Holy matrimony

December 4th, 2007 · 105 comments

Karolina in Dallas says she typically tries to wait her husband out in situations like this one, but she almost always ends up caving — “particularly when mold is involved.”

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related: 10 people, 1 kitchen

→ 105 CommentsFILED UNDER: Dallas/Fort Worth · dishes · mold · sig o


Choose-your-own adventure memo

December 4th, 2007 · 125 comments

Daniel saw this note in a men’s room on the 59th floor of the Empire State Building, where he confirms the toilets were indeed frequently left unflushed.

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related: Priorities

→ 125 CommentsFILED UNDER: memo · New York · office · pleasantries as afterthought · rhetorical question · toilet