Our anonymous submitter from Dallas works in the creative department of a large corporation that’s recently cut back on extras like holiday parties and cake and fruit. This Scrooge-like misanthropy seems to have taken a toll on staff morale — even among the determined breed of office “fun fund” leaders.
(Click to enlarge; transcription below!
subject: Secret Santa
Since we have no more motherly types left (Denise, Andrea, etc.), I have been elected to be the cruise director this year.
We’re doing it from next Monday (the 10th) to next Friday (the 14th), since people will start going out of town the week after that.
We have a $20 max. You can spend it however you like. You can get your person a $4 gift every day, a big $20 gift on the last day, or however you want to break it up.
If you’ like to participate, please come sign up at my desk by tomorrow by noon. I will be drawing the names at lunch time. It’s not mandatory for everyone to play, but just do it. Don’t be a grinch!
If you don’t care what your Santa gets you that is fine, but if you do, please post a “Secret Santa Wish List” on your cube, so that they will have an idea what you like, and can go shopping this weekend.
Also, don’t give people used stuff (the person who gave me the half burned candle two years ago knows who they are!).
related: If you can afford $10 worth of flair…
FILED UNDER: actions speak louder · Dallas/Fort Worth · holiday spirit · office · party planning committee
Individual cheese pizza with chicken, bacon, sun-dried tomato and feta cheese plus a side salad: $6.31. Addressing your note “to whom it may concern” when you only have one roommate? (You know the rest.)
(Thanks to Todd in Stillwater, Oklahoma for snapping the photo.)
related: you left evidence
FILED UNDER: college life · excessive underlining · Oklahoma · pizza · pleasantries as afterthought · roommates · smiley
Casey from Shreveport, Louisiana spotted this on the Coke machine in the office break room. she clarifies: “Henry G.’s comment is in reference to the increase in price, not Katie’s wanting more Coke Zero.”
Meanwhile, Breanna in L.A. saw this somewhat amusing notice in a liquor store on the corner of Hollywood and Wine. (“Did someone pee on it?” she wonders.)
related: I’d like to buy the world a…Gatorade?
FILED UNDER: Coke · group bitchfest · Los Angeles · not my fault · office · raging against the machine · Say wha? · Shreveport · spelling and grammar police · vending machine drama
Joe in Northern Virginia has amassed a pretty divine collection of office fridge notes over the years, the best of which portend various forms of karmic/economic/physical retribution.
related: It must have been a pretty big bite
FILED UNDER: "accidental" "borrowing" · ellipses-crazed · food · karma's a bitch · licking · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · Reston · stealing · Virginia
Karolina in Dallas says she typically tries to wait her husband out in situations like this one, but she almost always ends up caving — “particularly when mold is involved.”
related: 10 people, 1 kitchen
FILED UNDER: Dallas/Fort Worth · dishes · mold · sig o
Daniel saw this note in a men’s room on the 59th floor of the Empire State Building, where he confirms the toilets were indeed frequently left unflushed.
FILED UNDER: memo · New York · office · pleasantries as afterthought · rhetorical question · toilet
Derek and his bandmates in the Grand rapids, Michigan rock/metal band Charles the Osprey were in the middle of a post-set smoke when the club’s bartender came outside, grinning ear-to-ear, and handed them this note.
Unlike the unwilling participants in Improv Rverywhere’s “best gig ever,” Charles the Osprey seem to be taking the attention in stride. Writes Derek: “The funniest part is that she says nothing about the songwriting, which is obviously what she really hated, but rather talks about our lack of talent!”
(Sorry, would-be prank callers: it’s a non-working number.)
related: You know he only became a dj to get girls
FILED UNDER: Grand Rapids · Michigan · music · sarcasm · thanks (but not really)
Nobody likes it when food goes missing from the office fridge, but one V8-drinking facilities staffer in Savannah, Georgia wanted to make her displeasure a bit more official.
Adds our anonymous submitter: “As you can see, the pest control department took appropriate action.”
related: If the TSA was in charge of the office fridge?
FILED UNDER: beverages · Georgia · office · office fridge · Savannah · stealing
Our anonymous submitter in San Diego got this text message from a friend, explaining: “It’s in reference to him hooking up with one of my friends on my couch. He’s hooked up with three of my friends to date. It’s bound to get around, ya know?”
Adds our submitter: “There’s no safe way to respond to a passive-aggressive text, so I haven’t.”
related: Recipe for roommate discord
FILED UNDER: drizzunk · frenemies · San Diego · sarcasm · sex sex sex · text message
Tourist traps have the best signs. More proof? This exercise in subtlety is from Provincetown, Mass., where it was spotted by intrepid vacationer Teresa from Boise.
Exhibit b) is from Washington, D.C., in a store Sam says sold “all sorts of crap, from Nixon and Michael Jackson pins to African drums and sweaters.”
And in Las Vegas, even “the ice cream of the future” doesn’t get a special exemption.
FILED UNDER: beverages · blitzkrieg approach · Cape Cod · CAPS LOCK · D.C. · food · ice cream · Massachusetts · questionable logic · smoking · tourists