Wrath mat

October 10th, 2007 · 163 comments

Writes an anonymous submitter in New York City: “So, my mom bought me this doormat that says ‘leave.’ You know, haha, funny joke, like the ones that say ‘go away.’ Well, apparently my neighbor didn’t find it too humorous.”

New occupants of Apt. 3C. Your incredibly bad taste, and warped mentality, are not welcome in our mutually shared space.

Adds our submitter: “Some back story: the woman has lived in the apartment across the hall for 40 years and collects cats and garbage, according to the super.”

related: Really, enough with the weather

→ 163 CommentsFILED UNDER: a matter of taste · CAPS LOCK · crazypants · etiquette · kids today · more aggressive than passive · neighbors · New York


Can I lick it?

October 8th, 2007 · 98 comments

No, you can’t  — at least not near the copy machine at Erin’s office in Indianapolis.

Please use the sticky finger & not saliva

Meanwhile, Alvaro’s office in Madrid is having licking issues of its own near the office coffee machine. (Translation: “Please do not lick this teaspoon/ it’s for collective use.”)

Please do not lick this teaspoon; it's for collective use

And the licking doesn’t stop there…

PUBLIC NOTICE: PLEASE REFRAIN FROM LICKING OUR WINDOWS

Do not Lick Pressurized Lumber

DO NOT LICK

DO NOT LICK FENCE

P.S. Before you leave, please wipe your feet really good on the rhythm rug.

→ 98 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · Espanol · Indianapolis · licking · Madrid · office · Spain


Nice move

October 4th, 2007 · 88 comments

Long-simmering roommate issues comes to a head in Toronto

(Green ink is being kicked out by black ink.)

If you come into my room one more time or touch my shit I will call the landlord/tennant [sic] board on you.

related: I can’t stand this shit anymore.

→ 88 CommentsFILED UNDER: drugs · excessive underlining · not-so-veiled threats · rebuttals · roommates · smiley · spelling and grammar police · Toronto · touching


Losing Lisa

October 3rd, 2007 · 156 comments

Gina from Santa Cruz lives in a dorm where ten girls share one bathroom. Says gina, “I love saga notes, and feel we need some more of them, so I figured this collection would certainly do the trick.” Indeed, Gina, indeed! The progression here from pleasantries and smileys to — well, you’ll see — is classic. And a webmd.com citation? Major bonus points.

Dear girls

dear nasty motherfucker

body hair is unsanitary

This floor is home to PIGS

Gina also sent in a (small-ish) photo of the whole scene.

UPDATE: Gina responds to team fake!

related: I think it’s going to be a long long time

→ 156 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · all clogged up · bathroom · college life · die bitch die · eww · excessive underlining · internet citation · It's science! · mean girls · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2007 · not-so-veiled threats · note wars · rebuttals · saga · Santa Cruz · shower · smiley · that's disgusting · that's unsanitary


Going up?

October 2nd, 2007 · 53 comments

Anna brings us this charitable little note from the her apartment building in London, Ontario.

“Anytime Stan” — proof that Canadians really are the nicest people on earth?

p.p.s. and lay off the corn!

Meanwhile, in Milwaukee

Many thanks to whoever puked in here...

And lastly, a vaguely dadaist interpretation, in what very well may be another one of L.A.’s elevator-cum-film sets.

related: cross-country elevator action

→ 53 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · CAPS LOCK · elevator · ellipses-crazed · Los Angeles · Milwaukee · neighbors · Ontario · p.s. · vomit


3 cents for the saliva

October 1st, 2007 · 91 comments

Thanks to Gina in Flemington, New Jersey for forwarding along these e-mails between a coworker and her former roommate regarding a $22 gas bill. Click to enlarge!

→ 91 CommentsFILED UNDER: e-mail · just wondering · money · New Jersey · rebuttals · roommates


Dr. Freud’s Salon Scatologica

September 30th, 2007 · 99 comments

Presenting, for your analysis, this anonymous contribution from a hair salon in Bettendorf, Iowa (pop. 32,394). For the scatologically inclined vandal (and for Putz’s owner) the unconscious issues at play appear to be anything but borderline. College psych majors: care to address which stage of psychosexual development is associated with passive-aggressiveness?

To the Poop Planting Bandit

related: I can’t stand this shit anymore

UPDATE: Here’s a little more backstory on the situation from our note’s submitter. (Warning: this might confuse more than it illuminates.)

the owner of a salon i work at posted this for the individual that had placed dog poop in the corridor that is shared by other businesses. they left the feces in the hallway shortly after her and her st. bernard, putz, arrived to work. putz goes everywhere with her. for the past eight months he’s grown tremendously, and his massive size at this point has freaked out other store owners. putz sleeps in the back room and he has suburb potty training skills — and his owner always picks up after him.

the landlord approached her [re: the feces in the hallway] and said he was very bothered by the possible health code concern. he later told her not to worry about it, seeing how it was totally impossible for putz to let himself out the back door, take a dump in the corridor, then turn around and open the door to let himself back in.

someone kept tearing down her note, so she added the written message at the bottom.

→ 99 CommentsFILED UNDER: dogs · Freudian shit · Iowa · office · rebuttals · shit


No sarcasm left behind

September 27th, 2007 · 195 comments

Our anonymous contributor works part-time at a large, “troubled” high school in Milwaukee. Today, while making some copies, she found this anonymous wonder.

To: Staff Re: Hallways during lunch hours Do not expect the hallways to improve during lunch hours under the current administration. It's been going on for 3 years and is not about to change anytime soon. Do you wonder why you never see the Principal in the halls? I guess it's better to be blind to the situation that to have to come up with a policy to improve the conditions. Now let's get those test scores up and forget about school climate. Forget about low morale and a good working environment — get those test scores up! P.S. And don't forget to give you advocacy kids a BIG HUG today and everyday [sic]!

→ 195 CommentsFILED UNDER: Milwaukee · office · raging against the machine · sarcasm · schools & teachers


But He took the wheel

September 27th, 2007 · 105 comments

Summer from Decatur, Georgia says she found this note “left on a car piously parked while attempting to attend mass on vacation” in Galveston, Texas.

Dear fellow Christian, The lawns of homeowners on this street are not public parking. Please

Stealing Hot Pockets is apparently not the only thing that Jesus wouldn’t do.

Where Would Jesus Park?

joke_card.png

JESUS MIGHT LOVE YOU BUY YOUR REAR TYRES ARE BALD!!

related: There you go, bringing Him into it again

→ 105 CommentsFILED UNDER: Cincinnati · Decatur · Galveston · Jesus · parking · Texas · the lawn


Just in case you didn’t catch the sarcasm…

September 26th, 2007 · 94 comments

Sounds like somebody in this Seattle office is havin’ a little ‘roid rage.

If you are going to drink my muscle milk, why dont you go ahead and drink all, there is no point to drink part of it and leave behind about 1/3 of the bottle...  IN OTHER WORDS...DON'T DRINK IT!, BUT I WILL FIND OUT WHO DRINK IT WHEN I SEE YOU ACTING STRANGE...read the content before u become steril.....thanks.

What’s Muscle Milk, you ask? Well, say its makers, “Muscle Milk is arguably America’s favorite protein.” Apparently because unlike, say, chicken, Muscle Milk comes in flavors like “egg nog,” “chocolate banana crunch” and “root beer float.”

related: Try a bite

→ 94 CommentsFILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · Comic Sans Alert · ellipses-crazed · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · sarcasm · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · stealing