Oh, shit!

November 11th, 2007 · 170 comments

My own neighborhood of Park Slope, Brooklyn has high concentrations of dogs, babies, crazies and bloggers, which makes for a heady brew of incredibly well-documented passive-aggressiveness. Certain notes (like this long-running series) show up in my inbox over and over again. I’ve gotten various iterations of this note from no fewer than six different people over the past few months, with good reason.

'poop'

I think the dogged persistence of the note-writer is pretty incredible in its own right, but even better is what the note doesn’t quite explain: these bags weren’t just being stolen — some “juvenile/adult delinquent” was also cutting the bottom of the bags, then putting them back for the next unsuspecting dog-walking victim. Oh, shit!

go find another thrill

juvenile/adult delinquent

(Thanks to William, Kathleen, Elaine, Sarah, T-1-11, and JM for submitting!)

related: What is it about dog crap that pushes Brooklynites over the edge?

→ 170 CommentsFILED UNDER: apostrophe abuse · Brooklyn · dogs · ellipses-crazed · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · irregular capitalization · Park Slope · saga · shit · unnecessary "quotation marks"


For your records

November 9th, 2007 · 293 comments

I think what fascinates me most about this e-mail, from the head of the party planning committee — excuse me, “fun fund” — at an office in Toronto, is the subject line. Not only does the writer ignore the obvious “let them eat cake,” she vetoes the direct approach (“hey, fatty”) in favor of the utterly nonsensical “for your records.”

(click to enlarge!)

Cake and fruit day is just once a month

related: If you can afford $10 worth of flair…

→ 293 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · Canada · ellipses-crazed · etiquette · money · office · overzealous secretary · party planning committee · Toronto


Who are you calling OCD?

November 8th, 2007 · 147 comments

This just in: starving unborn children aren’t the only casualties of office fridge lunch thievery. As one anonymous New Yorker reports, now the sick and the infirm are being picked off, too!

To the person who took it upon themselves to clean out the 12th floor fridge: Thank you so much for your initiative!

(Thank you kindly? Best wishes? Hungry on the 12th floor, you kill me.)

→ 147 CommentsFILED UNDER: cleaning · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · guilt trip · ital overkill · New York · office fridge · questionable logic · rhetorical question · sarcasm · thanks (but not really)


Why-Fi

November 7th, 2007 · 100 comments

“Apparently I needed to help pay for the growing Internet bill,” says our anonymous submitter from Boston. “This was the only way I was notified: no connection and a wireless LAN reprogrammed with a new password.”

InternetCosts$

But password-protecting your network is actually a relatively direct (and dare I say, more effective) approach compared to this…

STOP Stealing My Internet

→ 100 CommentsFILED UNDER: actions speak louder · Boston · money · roommates


Be informed, Homeland Security will be

November 6th, 2007 · 197 comments

PES picked this note out of an apartment building in Newark, New Jersey in 2004 because he loved the third paragraph, which is oh-so-amazing. Add in the peculiar diction and the glorious redundancy of it all, and you’ve got one fucking delicious note.

be informed, homeland security will be

related: Your to lazy

extra credit: For more deliciousness, be sure to check out the stop-motion shorts at eatpes.com.

→ 197 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · garbage · gloriously redundant · graffiti · landlords and property managers · loitering · most popular notes of 2007 · New Jersey · Newark · not-so-veiled threats · questionable logic · shameless meme-mongering · smoking · vandalism


The Jake Issues

November 5th, 2007 · 186 comments

Says our anonymous contributor from Los Angeles: “This is page three (!) of a three-page letter of complaints from my wife’s (ex) office manager to the heads of the company.” Apparently one of her co-workers, Jake, merited his own page. (No word on how this went over with the bosses.)

1. Jake needs to do something about his flatulence problem - this is a constant issue, which he thinks is funny - and burning matches does not solve the problem. A slip once in a while is forgivable, but this is just rude and disgusting. 2. Jake need stop using the speakerphone when I'm at my desk - dialing a number is one thing, entire conversation is another. 3. Jake should also be mindful of his speaking volume while he's on the phone. While on his phone, he can be heard at [redacted's] desk as if he's standing right next to you - that is too loud. Plus often he is standing over pacing at his desk while on the phone (or besides our desks when on his cell phone.) If he's sitting, the half wall at least helps to minimize a bit, but lowering his town on the whole would be best. desks when on his cell phone.) If he's sitting, the half wall at least helps to minimize a bit, but lowering his town on the whole would be best. Jake should be mindful that others partake of things in the office as well as him. One tea bag (or package of oatmeal) per cup not 2 or 3. If we have snacks, he should not eat everything until it is gone rather than allow things to remain available over the course of the day. Others may want to have the snack later, but usually if they wait, it won't be there because Jake's already eaten it. He should be embarrassed that he is known as the scavenger of the office.

→ 186 CommentsFILED UNDER: bullet points · cell phone · flatulence · food · Los Angeles · loud talker · noise · oatmeal · office · tea · that's disgusting


Passive-allergic

November 4th, 2007 · 341 comments

“Okay, so I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong on this one,” says Melanie from Sydney. “I have a long-haired cat who sheds a lot, so I just used to pick up the bits of fur and throw them out the window.” (Um, right, of course.) Melanie continues: “I’m on the third floor and look out over the street, so I didn’t think it would upset anyone. but then I found this clump of cat hair in my mailbox.”

the cat hair in question

Melanie adds: “I live in a block of 40+ units and my cat is an indoor cat, so a) no one really knows I have him, and b) it must have pretty hard to track done the owner of the multi-shedding, window-fur-tossing cat. That one clump of fur — which they would have had to have collected over a period of at least two weeks — says more than words ever could.”

related: The cats must go!

→ 341 CommentsFILED UNDER: actions speak louder · Australia · cats · neighbors · questionable logic · Sydney


Now finish up them taters, I’m gonna go fondle my sweaters

November 2nd, 2007 · 488 comments

Writes Tessa, who works at a restaurant in Albuquerque: “The day manager left this note for the night cook, who does spend all night smoking, watching TV and calling his girlfriend on the business phone.” (I’m sure this note will absoutley set him straight.)

now finish up them taters, i'm gonna go fondle my sweaters

→ 488 CommentsFILED UNDER: Albuquerque · now that's management · restaurant · smoking · spelling and grammar police


Volenti non fit injuria

November 1st, 2007 · 89 comments

Garvey is a 3L at a “relatively cheap” state law school in New York City, where he says “there’s a perpetual joke that it’s still a bargain, even with all its many, many problems.” Garvey found this note attached to one of the ancient computers in the school’s less than state-of-the-art law library. (I mean really, Internet Explorer? puhleez.)

volenti non fit injuria

→ 89 CommentsFILED UNDER: i.e. or e.g. it's all greek -- or is it latin? -- to me · lawyers & law students · library · raging against the machine


Pumpkin with a death wish

October 31st, 2007 · 82 comments

Sarah in Richmond says this jack-o-lantern appeared just minutes ago near the stairs to her apartment. We’ll call this the “before” shot…

QUIT STOMPING

Stay tuned for the “after” photo: punkin stomped to bits by contrarian trick-or-treaters.

Happy Halloween, kids!

→ 82 CommentsFILED UNDER: Halloween · neighbors · noise · Richmond