But He took the wheel

September 27th, 2007 · 105 comments

Summer from Decatur, Georgia says she found this note “left on a car piously parked while attempting to attend mass on vacation” in Galveston, Texas.

Dear fellow Christian, The lawns of homeowners on this street are not public parking. Please

Stealing Hot Pockets is apparently not the only thing that Jesus wouldn’t do.

Where Would Jesus Park?

joke_card.png

JESUS MIGHT LOVE YOU BUY YOUR REAR TYRES ARE BALD!!

related: There you go, bringing Him into it again

→ 105 CommentsFILED UNDER: Cincinnati · Decatur · Galveston · Jesus · parking · Texas · the lawn


Just in case you didn’t catch the sarcasm…

September 26th, 2007 · 94 comments

Sounds like somebody in this Seattle office is havin’ a little ‘roid rage.

If you are going to drink my muscle milk, why dont you go ahead and drink all, there is no point to drink part of it and leave behind about 1/3 of the bottle...  IN OTHER WORDS...DON'T DRINK IT!, BUT I WILL FIND OUT WHO DRINK IT WHEN I SEE YOU ACTING STRANGE...read the content before u become steril.....thanks.

What’s Muscle Milk, you ask? Well, say its makers, “Muscle Milk is arguably America’s favorite protein.” Apparently because unlike, say, chicken, Muscle Milk comes in flavors like “egg nog,” “chocolate banana crunch” and “root beer float.”

related: Try a bite

→ 94 CommentsFILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · Comic Sans Alert · ellipses-crazed · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · sarcasm · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · stealing


And pull up your sign

September 25th, 2007 · 95 comments

Writes Mel in Beaufort, South Carolina: “Our city has decided to go with those shorter, more pleasing-to-the-eye signs for businesses. All new businesses have had to have them for a few years now, but existing businesses are just starting to have to replace their signs. I guess the local liquor store wasn’t too pleased.”

OUR RIDICULOUS CITY COUNCIL ORDERED THIS SIGN MUST BE DESTROYED BY SEPT 26

related: And pull up your pants

 

→ 95 CommentsFILED UNDER: raging against the machine · smartass · South Carolina


Market segmentation

September 25th, 2007 · 79 comments

From Jasmine in Georgia…

STAY OFF OUR PORCH!

→ 79 CommentsFILED UNDER: excessive underlining · Georgia · kids · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · rainbow-colored


No, that’s not the British spelling

September 24th, 2007 · 128 comments

“You know when you drink so much that you can’t remember what you did the night before?” asks our anonymous Scottish pizza bandit. “Sometimes we’re lucky enough to encounter certain things which trigger memories of our alcohol-fueled rampage. I was lucky enough to come across this the next day.”

Dear pizza theif [sic], I hope you enjoyed those two slices of Dominoes pizza. I did. It was so nice in fact I kept it in the fridge to enjoy. So it was to my surprise to find those slices missing the next day. My mum bought me that pizza — but I guess you must have been in dire hunger to eat my food. In that case, that's alright. At least you cleaned the side plate afterwards. But I will still kill you. Craig.

→ 128 CommentsFILED UNDER: fridge · guilt trip · not-so-veiled threats · pizza · roommates · sarcasm · Scotland · spelling and grammar police · stealing


No reading required, kids

September 22nd, 2007 · 221 comments

“This isn’t quite a note,” writes Andrea in California. “Actually, it’s not a note at all.” But passive-aggressive? Yessir.

She explains: “My dad’s job is to take out the trash. It’s probably his only household chore. But for some reason, it never seems to get done.” So Andrea’s mom took action. Sort of.

no reading required, kids

After this, Andrea says, it only took her dad three days to acknowledge the trash and take it out.

→ 221 CommentsFILED UNDER: actions speak louder · California · garbage · Moms & Dads


This aggression will not stand, man

September 22nd, 2007 · 163 comments

As a little weekend bonus, I bring you this screed from the Smith Daily Jolt’s alumnae forum. Yes, it’s long.

dailyjolt1.jpg [Read more →]

→ 163 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · college life · e-mail · garbage · just an asshole · martyr complex · money · not wrong · posted online · rebuttals · roommates · sig o · smoking · that's a fire hazard · TL;DR


Are you there, Margaret? God, could you be any more disgusting?

September 20th, 2007 · 335 comments

Mona in Los Angeles brings us this pair of notes from her high-rise Century City office building.  Says Mona, “Apparently my co-worker saw the panties at issue. My question is…who leaves their panties in the bathroom at work?  Who does that?”

My question: Why are we letting Paris and Britney off the hook? If they actually remember to wear them, shouldn’t we encourage keeping them on?

some sound advice

And then there’s this one, which brings up the old mad bomber-era debate about which gender leaves the bathrooms in worse shape.

are you there, margaret? god, clean up after yourself already!


→ 335 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · attire · bathroom · bodily fluids · CAPS LOCK · cleaning · danger · excessive underlining · group bitchfest · hygiene · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2007 · office · that's disgusting


Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler

September 19th, 2007 · 265 comments

Attention: corporate emergency in the Chicagoland area!

but then they switched from the swingline to the boston stapler

Meanwhile, in Seattle…

thank you so much for your collaborations

Adds our anonymous submitter, “All the glassware for all departments is washed by the poor lab slaves at least twice a day, and then promptly returned to the shelves. How much glassware are they using that they notice if a beaker or two went missing?”

→ 265 CommentsFILED UNDER: a little uptight · and that's an order · Chicago · crazy boss · excessive underlining · not-so-veiled threats · office · office supplies · Seattle · spelling and grammar police


Sophisticated dryers use silverware when they eat your socks

September 19th, 2007 · 151 comments

Our anonymous submitter spotted this note on a resident’s door in an apartment complex in Portland, oregon. Oddly, she says, this resident lives alone.
Now I realize that you may have temporarily lost your conscious sense of things, however, please return my socks and my large spoon with the silver end. Thank you

Meanwhile, James’s roommate found in the laundry room of his Sacramento apartment complex.

Thank you got taking (stealing) my towel and dryer sheets! Because of YOU I will never feel comfortable doing my laundry - I don't know if you are going to steal my clothes. YOU SUCK.

→ 151 CommentsFILED UNDER: excessive underlining · laundry · neighbors · Portland · Sacramento · spoons · stealing · thanks (but not really)