I’d like to buy the world a…Gatorade?

October 17th, 2007 · 207 comments

Keith spotted this note in the employee break room of a clothing store outside of Hartford, Conn.

The kicker? According to the employees, says Keith, “After the note was posted, the guy spitefully mixed the selection buttons up even worse.”

Dear Vending Machine Person.  Please make sure that your are changing the selection tabs when you update the drinks. Gatorade (although delicious) is not Iced Tea, and Fanta is not Iced Tea, neither is Coke. Thanks for your cooperation.

(Altogether now: “that Gatorade is…”)

related: fucking delicious

→ 207 CommentsFILED UNDER: beverages · CAPS LOCK · Coke · Connecticut · Hartford · vending machine drama


Your to lazy

October 15th, 2007 · 178 comments

Those troublemakers requesting more crazy apartment notes can thank our anonymous submitter (a GM at a property management firm in Springfield, Missouri) for today’s masterpiece. “One of our resident managers delivered this letter to 115 units at her property, then e-mailed me a copy because she was REALLY proud of it,” our submitter writes. “I got halfway through and realized I had to send it to you.”

IT'S FALL! HERE ARE A FEW UPDATES AND SEVERAL COMPLAINTS!

this no the ghetto

more surprises

Now, for the complaints…

→ 178 CommentsFILED UNDER: cleaning · dogs · exclamation-point happy!!!! · garbage · irregular capitalization · itemized list · landlords and property managers · Missouri · more like crazy · music · noise · not-so-veiled threats · parking · rhetorical question · smoking · spelling and grammar police · TL;DR · vandalism · your/you're


Down and dirty down under (dear)

October 12th, 2007 · 146 comments

When our saga begins, our anonymous submitter’s girlfriend was living in a tiny apartment in Sydney, Australia. Due to space constraints, she was temporarily sleeping on what our submitter admits was “possibly one of the world’s shittiest sofabeds.”

GLAD U HAVE GREAT SEX LIFE but we think it's time to replace yr old bed dear, sound awful

WE DONT CARE WHEN U have SEX but the sound of YR old bed very DISTURBING !!!

But while the mailbox notes were presumably written first (based on the tone) they weren’t actually discovered until after a third note was slipped under the apartment door…

YOUR OLD SPRING BED VERY NOISY WHEN YOU GUYS HAVING SEX!!!

Mortified, our loving couple did, in fact, move their mattress to the floor. But that didn’t seem to placate their dear nameless neighb, who pinned this note to the the building’s common noticeboard…

If you sleep often get Disturb especially like last night between 1-3 am caused by sex marathon

“Ironically,” our submitter says, “it was found when we were moving out the horrible couch.”

related: visual aids always help

→ 146 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · Australia · awk abbrev · CAPS LOCK · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · most popular notes of 2007 · neighbors · noise · saga · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police · Sydney


This shit is bananas

October 11th, 2007 · 96 comments

Our anonymous submitter dutifully passes along this company-wide farewell e-mail, but says: “I have no idea what’s he’s talking about. Holla!”

It's been, umm, an interesting three years.

related: the farewell email to end all farewell emails

→ 96 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · Dallas/Fort Worth · e-mail · farewell letter · office · spelling and grammar police


Wrath mat

October 10th, 2007 · 163 comments

Writes an anonymous submitter in New York City: “So, my mom bought me this doormat that says ‘leave.’ You know, haha, funny joke, like the ones that say ‘go away.’ Well, apparently my neighbor didn’t find it too humorous.”

New occupants of Apt. 3C. Your incredibly bad taste, and warped mentality, are not welcome in our mutually shared space.

Adds our submitter: “Some back story: the woman has lived in the apartment across the hall for 40 years and collects cats and garbage, according to the super.”

related: Really, enough with the weather

→ 163 CommentsFILED UNDER: a matter of taste · CAPS LOCK · crazypants · etiquette · kids today · more aggressive than passive · neighbors · New York


Can I lick it?

October 8th, 2007 · 98 comments

No, you can’t  — at least not near the copy machine at Erin’s office in Indianapolis.

Please use the sticky finger & not saliva

Meanwhile, Alvaro’s office in Madrid is having licking issues of its own near the office coffee machine. (Translation: “Please do not lick this teaspoon/ it’s for collective use.”)

Please do not lick this teaspoon; it's for collective use

And the licking doesn’t stop there…

PUBLIC NOTICE: PLEASE REFRAIN FROM LICKING OUR WINDOWS

Do not Lick Pressurized Lumber

DO NOT LICK

DO NOT LICK FENCE

P.S. Before you leave, please wipe your feet really good on the rhythm rug.

→ 98 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · Espanol · Indianapolis · licking · Madrid · office · Spain


Nice move

October 4th, 2007 · 88 comments

Long-simmering roommate issues comes to a head in Toronto

(Green ink is being kicked out by black ink.)

If you come into my room one more time or touch my shit I will call the landlord/tennant [sic] board on you.

related: I can’t stand this shit anymore.

→ 88 CommentsFILED UNDER: drugs · excessive underlining · not-so-veiled threats · rebuttals · roommates · smiley · spelling and grammar police · Toronto · touching


Losing Lisa

October 3rd, 2007 · 156 comments

Gina from Santa Cruz lives in a dorm where ten girls share one bathroom. Says gina, “I love saga notes, and feel we need some more of them, so I figured this collection would certainly do the trick.” Indeed, Gina, indeed! The progression here from pleasantries and smileys to — well, you’ll see — is classic. And a webmd.com citation? Major bonus points.

Dear girls

dear nasty motherfucker

body hair is unsanitary

This floor is home to PIGS

Gina also sent in a (small-ish) photo of the whole scene.

UPDATE: Gina responds to team fake!

related: I think it’s going to be a long long time

→ 156 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · all clogged up · bathroom · college life · die bitch die · eww · excessive underlining · internet citation · It's science! · mean girls · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2007 · not-so-veiled threats · note wars · rebuttals · saga · Santa Cruz · shower · smiley · that's disgusting · that's unsanitary


Going up?

October 2nd, 2007 · 53 comments

Anna brings us this charitable little note from the her apartment building in London, Ontario.

“Anytime Stan” — proof that Canadians really are the nicest people on earth?

p.p.s. and lay off the corn!

Meanwhile, in Milwaukee

Many thanks to whoever puked in here...

And lastly, a vaguely dadaist interpretation, in what very well may be another one of L.A.’s elevator-cum-film sets.

related: cross-country elevator action

→ 53 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · CAPS LOCK · elevator · ellipses-crazed · Los Angeles · Milwaukee · neighbors · Ontario · p.s. · vomit


3 cents for the saliva

October 1st, 2007 · 91 comments

Thanks to Gina in Flemington, New Jersey for forwarding along these e-mails between a coworker and her former roommate regarding a $22 gas bill. Click to enlarge!

→ 91 CommentsFILED UNDER: e-mail · just wondering · money · New Jersey · rebuttals · roommates