Don’t hate the playa

August 12th, 2007 · 115 comments

Our anonymous submitter lives in a 30-story condo building in Chicago. Her father works in the same building, and received this note in the suggestion box.

“I found the letter slipped under my door one day,” she says. “My dad had put it there after reading it with his boss. I’m sure he’s damn proud of his little girl!”

In her defense, our submitter believes the notes allegations to be more than a bit exaggerated. “I have never (that I can remember) regurgitated in the garage,” she says, adding, in the immortal words of Salt n Pepa: “If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight/IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”

This is to inform you that the tenant who lives on floor [redacted] appears to be having drug and alcohol problems.

→ 115 CommentsFILED UNDER: Chicago · danger · drizzunk · drugs · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Moms & Dads · neighbors · noise · nonsensical spacing · not-so-veiled threats · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police


Did you ever consider the possibility that…oh, never mind.

August 9th, 2007 · 71 comments

did you consider the possibility that...oh, never mind.

→ 71 CommentsFILED UNDER: California · e-mail · food · mold · office · questionable logic · San Francisco · sarcasm


Containing as much or as many as is possible or normal

August 8th, 2007 · 50 comments

In all fairness, says Brandi in Austin, “This note was written after our dishes became so caked with fungus that we had to buy new stuff. The smell was also REALLY bad.”

NOTICE!!! *Please Commence Immediately* To anyone who Lives, Naps, Shits, Farts, Eats, Sleeps, Fucks, Rests, OR DOES ANYTHING in this house: This is including but not limited to: Brandi, Summer, Keiran, Jason, Peter, Jonathan, Mary, ANYONE!! (Guests are not excluded) PLEASE DO NOT leave dirty dishes, old beer bottles, half eaten shit, or any trash strewn about the apt. If the trash can is full, PLEASE empty it and replace the bag. (If there any other questions about the definition of full, see m-w.com) Try to clean off any plates and dirty cups for placement in the dishwasher. The WHOLE COLLECTIVE would appreciate it greatly. Thank you, owners/operators

related: May the sanctity of the sink prevail!

→ 50 CommentsFILED UNDER: Austin · dishes · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · garbage · internet citation · lOWERCASE l · obnoxious definition · roommates · shit · Texas


Some creative brainstorming and flexible thinking

August 8th, 2007 · 108 comments

Jenn in San Francisco received this little from a then-roommate who she lived with for a year but barely ever saw or spoke to. Says Jenn, “She was rarely seen outside the confines of her own room and seemed to prefer communicating electronically and then, only when absolutely necessary. So you can imagine, she probably stewed on the issue for a very long time. ” (Click the image to enlarge.)

some creative brainstorming and flexible thinking

Adds Jenn: Guess how this flexible-thinking roommate paid her bills? “By conducting CULTURAL SENSITIVITY TRAINING COURSES TO CORPORATE EMPLOYEES.”

→ 108 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · e-mail · energy usage · lighting · money · roommates · San Francisco · smiley · temperature


Water, water everywhere

August 7th, 2007 · 40 comments

“Informing the building landlord about a sticky tap would probably have been a more sensible move than guilt-tripping the female staff into feeling responsible for global water shortages,” notes Rayya in Canterbury, Kent.

But it doesn’t end there. Says Rayya, “Not only are we responsible for global water shortages , but we’re breaking people’s limbs!”

Over the last week two ladies have slipped over water left on the floor between the toilet cubicles and the basins. One of them had to be taken to a hospital with a suspected broken ankle and wrist. If you spill any water it makes the floor very slippery and dangerous. PLEASE at the very least be kind enough to put the danger sign over the spillage to warn your colleagues. But preferably mop it up, there are blue paper towels in most of the kitchen areas. Many thanks

→ 40 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · CAPS LOCK · danger · guilt trip · office · The Earth · U.K. · water


Extremely loud and incredibly close quarters

August 6th, 2007 · 70 comments

Amy in Seattle says her favorite part of the note is the children (Please, think of the children!) but I was most impressed by the use of both “being effected” and “being impacted” in a single sentence. Those loud, “vulgar-related” noises might, in fact, be the sound of English teachers around the world crying out in agony.

Vulgar related?

Then there’s this one, from William over at lowercase l. It was slipped into his mailbox in Brooklyn by a neighbor several years (and girlfriends) ago. considering the awkwardness of the situation, I find it’s actually quite civil. It’s interesting, though, how people feel the need to give elaborate, vaguely scientific justifications (the acoustical properties of the windows, REM sleep) for why they don’t want to hear you getting it on.

→ 70 CommentsFILED UNDER: Brooklyn · neighbors · Seattle · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police


Pencils goeth

August 6th, 2007 · 43 comments

This note comes to us from an archaeological dig in the U.K. (Roman Silchester, to be precise), where our submitter says the planning team was quite worried about the writing instruments going the way of Ancient Rome.

PLANNING AMNESTY Missing: 33 Pencils, 39 Erasers. Search your pockets, search your tent, search your conscience

→ 43 CommentsFILED UNDER: stealing · U.K.


Like a rotten sponge

August 5th, 2007 · 22 comments

By popular demand, Ellen in Acton, Mass. has sent in a photo of the note that appeared next to the one about spitting in the water fountain on her gym’s suggestion board…

Please stop using the towels to clean stations. I got on a treadmill and the towel smelled like a rotten sponge. Having them used again and again all day must be unhealthy. How about disinfectant wipes or just paper towels. THANK YOU!

The original “no spitting” note has since been taken down, Ellen says. “In its place was one saying that people should stop focusing on the negative since the gym and the staff were really quite good.”

Since then, she adds, “O have not noticed any lugies in the drinking fountain. Progress?”

→ 22 CommentsFILED UNDER: excessive underlining · gym · Massachusetts · odor


Tantamount to storage

August 3rd, 2007 · 123 comments

I’m just gonna let Ben from D.C. set this one up:

Last October, I moved from one apartment to another on fairly short notice. The kid I found on Craigslist to take my spot really wanted to move in a few days early, which was incredibly inconvenient for me. However, I agreed, so I spent most of Halloween weekend moving my stuff out. The one thing I couldn’t move was my futon, because it wouldn’t fit on top of my car. I figured he’d give me a little leeway though, since I’d done him a favor, and I came back to pick it up November 10. A week later I came home to find this amazing passive-aggressive e-mail from him:

I have a concern about the removal of your futon.

→ 123 CommentsFILED UNDER: a little uptight · Craigslist · D.C. · e-mail · money · moving/not moving · spelling and grammar police


Evidently, yes

August 2nd, 2007 · 43 comments

Ellen in Acton, Mass. spotted this on the suggestion board at her gym.

Suggestions: A SIGN ASKING PEOPLE NOT TO SPIT IN THE WATER FOUNTAIN? Response from Global Fitness Center: Do we really need to tell people that spitting in the fountain is a bad idea? (YES! Evidently, if they're doing it)

At least they don’t have a Mad Bomber on the loose…yet.

→ 43 CommentsFILED UNDER: group bitchfest · gym · Massachusetts · oh snap · spitting