Happy to be of service

June 27th, 2007 · 72 comments

Cassie in Orlando is a preschool teacher, and brings us this note posted by the school’s director. “I cannot help but be in awe of her after this note,” Cassie says, and I have to agree.

Teachers, We offer naptime as a service to our parents and younger children. After all, we all know growing bodies and minds need lots of rest. I understand that the long hours and darkness can be tempting, but laying down on the floor with a pillow may be frowned upon by parents entering the room; not to mention being against state regulations for the supervision of children. If you are too exhausted during the day, and you continue to fall asleep in the afternoon, feel free to come to me. We can discuss the option of cutting your hours back to a more appropriate smaller amount so you may get more rest. If that does not help the situation, I will be more than happy to help you find a night shift position. Unfortunately, we do NOT offer night shifts at this particular school. Happy to be of service, [heart] L

A classic, no?

related: From the Manager’s Book of Quotes for Inspiring Workplace Paranoia

→ 72 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · excessive underlining · heart · now that's management · office · Orlando · schools & teachers · signed with love · sleeping · spelling and grammar police


We ALL live here

June 26th, 2007 · 91 comments

Explains James, “My cool roommate tries to do something nice for the house, and then jerk roommate writes this.”

In the future, please consult with us before making house purchases. We ALL live here. Thx.

Seriously, Team Cormac all the way.

→ 91 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · excessive underlining · just an asshole · lighting · money · roommates · thx · whiteboard


Wait, what was the first reason again?

June 25th, 2007 · 41 comments

Paul in San Diego says this note showed up above both urinals at his office last week.

If you are not the person in the picture then you are not allowed to pick your nose and then put your freshly picked booger on the wall. And another reason for not wiping boogers on this wall is because it is disgusting.

related: The bathroom-stall booger epidemic

→ 41 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · CAPS LOCK · nose-picking · office · San Diego · that's disgusting · visual aids


The thoughts that count

June 25th, 2007 · 87 comments

An anonymous Brooklyn mom sends in this choice — dare we say priceless — example of Park Slope’s well-documented mama drama.

We really do appreciate you handling the end of year gift collection and we know it can be a thankless task. I must say, however, that  I am feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the emphasis on how much money was collected and from whom. I thought the whole idea of giving a gift was that we gave from the heart, no matter the amount. Isn't that what we teach our children? Suddenly it feels like you are trying to shame those of us who may not have given the most for whatever out personal reasons not the less of which could be financial. Please let's not continue this embarrassment any longer. We should rethink the process for future gift-giving.

related: No money, no trophy

→ 87 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · Brooklyn · e-mail · Moms & Dads · money · Park Slope · public shaming · rebuttals


Don’t be stupid (thanks)

June 24th, 2007 · 47 comments

Dan in Miami Beach — who by the way knows a thing or two about roommate drama — bring us this sign from a clothing store in the gay mecca of Wilton Manors, Florida. Says Dan: “Sometimes, gay men are a little bitchy with each other.” (Again, something he knows a bit about.)

Don't be stupid you can not try on the underwear! Thank you BALL

(And seriously, sweetheart, don’t even start with the whole “but that’s not exactly passive-aggressive” stuff.)

related: Ladies, if you happen to have forgotten your undies…

→ 47 CommentsFILED UNDER: attire · Florida · hygiene · more aggressive than passive · pleasantries as afterthought · retail hell · spelling and grammar police


Hendrix is the cat

June 21st, 2007 · 43 comments

No lols from this feline — just some lovely passive voice!

Our house is dirty. Cleaning needs to be done. Thanx, Hendrix

(Thanx to Megan in Michigan for submitting.)

related: Does the floor have the capability of sweeping itself?

 

→ 43 CommentsFILED UNDER: cats · cleaning · Michigan · passive voice · roommates · signed with love · whiteboard


Special people garage

June 21st, 2007 · 36 comments

This is a special note indeed. The idiosyncratic spelling, spacing, and bolding are fascinating — and I love how the third sentence is so rhetorical it doesn’t even deserve a question mark. I think what I enjoy most, however, is the after-the-fact realization that the desired action here just wasn’t quite explicit enough.

Special people stop leaving your garage [sic]in the sink. This is not your home this is a staff kitchen for all to use.  Why should other people have to clean up after you Please have respect for others. Please put your dishes in the dishwasher.

(Thanks to Molly in Washington, D.C. for submitting!)

related: The needy little dishwasher

→ 36 CommentsFILED UNDER: D.C. · dishes · dishwasher · kitchen · office · spelling and grammar police · that's disrespectful · You call that punctuation?


Killer cookie dough

June 20th, 2007 · 33 comments

Writes Lauren in Kansas: “My roommate is known for her notes towards me and our other roommate. We never touch each other’s food as is, but I guess she felt the need to threaten us to keep it that way. Inside the box? A ton of containers of frozen cookie dough.”

DO NOT EAT - if you do...you will DIE!! <3 Lacy

Sadly, Lacey’s earlier notes to Lauren and her roommates went unrecorded. Lauren’s personal favorite:

If you’re hot run around naked
If you’re cold put on sweatshirts
Do NOT touch the heater
Love, Lacey

→ 33 CommentsFILED UNDER: die bitch die · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · Kansas · not-so-veiled threats · roommates · signed with love · stealing


Four approaches to ice cube maintenance

June 20th, 2007 · 35 comments

Exhibit a) From Richmond, Virginia: the pedantic approach

How to Make Ice 1. If the ice tray is not empty — empty remaining cubes into white container on freezer door. (Please do not just fill the empty holes - it makes getting the frozen ones out impossible.) 2. Fill ice tray with water. 3. Put back in freezer

Exhibit b) From Minneapolis: the conditional approach

If you are unwilling to refill the ice cube trays, do not use the ice. Thanks in advance.

Exhibit c) From Hartford, Connecticut: the ALL for one and one for ALL approach

ICE. PLEASE TAKE ONLY A COUPLE OF ICE CUBES...These ice cubes are for ALL staff and for meetings. Please be sure that ice receptacle is pushed ALL the way BACK in the freezer!

Exhibit d) From Dallas: the federal government’s approach

Those that don't fill up the ice trays after emptying them, should be taken out and SHOT! RESPECT others...

(Thanks to Erik and Kim for their submissions.)

related: To the ICE GOBBLERS

→ 35 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · ice · office


Do the rest of us a favor

June 19th, 2007 · 88 comments

Looks like both the Mad Bomber and Richard G. Sells have West-coast counterparts:

favor.jpg

Grossed out? Yeah, me too. Blame Gregory in Los Angeles for documenting this one (!!!)

related: The Mad Bomber, Act 1: “Sorry about the language”

→ 88 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · die bitch die · ellipses-crazed · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · group bitchfest · Los Angeles · more aggressive than passive · office · piss · shit · that's disgusting · toilet