Post-punctuationism

August 21st, 2007 · 81 comments

Explains Sarah in New York City: “One lab in the building where I work has covered the walls outside their lab with candid photos of the lab members. Over time, some of these photos got some ‘modifications’ from passers-by, such as a mustache or horns here or there.  (Mature, I know.) Today, I noticed the photos were gone.” In their place…

To the budding Van Gogh of the floor. If I catch you doodling on OUR pictures it will NOT be your ear, I will cut. Come and see me! Love Jessie x7663

UPDATE: Sarah provides a look at the note in context. (Unfortunately, without the original “artwork.”)

To the budding Van Gogh of the floor. If I catch you doodling on OUR pictures it will NOT be your ear, I will cut. Come and see me! Love Jessie x7663

→ 81 CommentsFILED UNDER: excessive underlining · graffiti · more aggressive than passive · New York · nonsensical spacing · not-so-veiled threats · office · signed with love · You call that punctuation?


Perhaps a committee to assess the health of the committee?

August 20th, 2007 · 100 comments

“The Healthy Companies Committee,” explains Katherine in D.C., is the name of the office pep squad led by the sender of the e-mail. (“Ironically,” she adds, “he does not seem to be able to deal with his frustration in a ‘healthy’ way.”)

The hilarity of this note is more subtle than say, a “Thank you Terry,” but don’t be fooled: it’s not your garden-variety “do your dishes” note, either. (Pay particular attention to paragraphs one and four.) It’s like something straight out of a script from The Office.

what will it take?? (probably not an office-wide e-mail)

Don’t you wish you could read the earlier drafts?

→ 100 CommentsFILED UNDER: comma diarrhea · confusion??? · D.C. · dishes · dishwasher · e-mail · exclamation-point happy!!!! · not-so-veiled threats · office · questionable logic · royal we · spelling and grammar police


I think it’s going to be a long long time

August 20th, 2007 · 194 comments

Today’s tasteless gross-out is brought to us by Christina in Irvine, California. (My apologies in advance.)

Here's my new decree: Everyone with rocket pubes has to put a fucking hairnet over their balls before entering the showers/bathrooms in the dorms. I was in the shower today, lathering, rinsing, a little repeating — and I look over at the plastic shower curtain. To my fucking amazement there is a pube at about shoulder level.

→ 194 CommentsFILED UNDER: all clogged up · bathroom · California · college life · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · group bitchfest · hair · Irvine · most popular notes of 2007 · shower · that's disgusting


More from the frontlines of post-post-feminism

August 17th, 2007 · 131 comments

Writes Kristi in Chicago: “This was sent from our receptionist to the ENTIRE office (except, for some reason, me, until a coworker forwarded it so I wouldn’t miss out on the fun. It’s the receptionist’s job to order supplies and put away deliveries, but apparently she doesn’t like to do any heavy lifting. The last line really sent the office into a tizzy!”

(click to enlarge)

"...we are an office full of women and cannot lift the heavy boxes of copy paper"

It’s the second-to-last line that sends me into a bit of a tizzy…

→ 131 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · Chicago · comma diarrhea · e-mail · moving/not moving · office · spelling and grammar police


Is this what a post-post-feminist looks like?

August 15th, 2007 · 106 comments

Brandy in York Haven, Pennsylvania forgot to put water back in the fridge, she says, “and my boyfriend likes his cold water.” Yikes.

Brandy! Put some fucking water back in Fridge so there is cold water for other that are in the house that might want cold water Thanks Management :)

Also note the list of tasks for Brandy and her boyfriend at upper right. Um, so much for challenging gender stereotypes at home, huh?

→ 106 CommentsFILED UNDER: battle of the sexes · exclamation-point happy!!!! · heart · Pennsylvania · sig o · smiley · water · whiteboard


Movin’ Out (Anthony’s Song)

August 14th, 2007 · 202 comments

Mary saw this collection of missives while visiting friends in Long Island City, Queens last spring.

movin' out (anthony's song)

Anthony left a note on the door…

left a note on the door

Saving his pennies for someday…

savin' his pennies for someday

You oughta know by now

You oughta know by now

Workin’ too hard can give you a heart attackackackackackack

working too hard can give you a heart attackackackackackack

And it seems such a waste of time

You should never argue with a crazy mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind

You should never argue with a crazy mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind

And it seems such a waste of time

But she’s not movin’ out.

You can pay Uncle Sam with the overtime

→ 202 CommentsFILED UNDER: landlords and property managers · money · more aggressive than passive · more like crazy · most popular notes of 2007 · moving/not moving · Queens · questionable logic · rebuttals · spelling and grammar police


Kitchen wish list

August 13th, 2007 · 86 comments

An anonymous submitter brings us this note from the kitchen of Vermont Theater’s group housing, “where all the techies live.” Unlike other notes we’ve seen attributed to management/the apartment/the cat, etc., our submitter says the bit at the bottom was, in fact, written by the house’s cleaning lady. “Granted,” he says, “the kitchen was messy, but this is from the CLEANING LADY!”

(I’m wondering though, if “messy” might be a bit of an understatement…)

That peaple [sic] do there [sic] own dishes when finished with them! Thanks Housekeeping

→ 86 CommentsFILED UNDER: cleaning · dishes · kitchen · spelling and grammar police · thanks (but not really) · Vermont


Don’t hate the playa

August 12th, 2007 · 115 comments

Our anonymous submitter lives in a 30-story condo building in Chicago. Her father works in the same building, and received this note in the suggestion box.

“I found the letter slipped under my door one day,” she says. “My dad had put it there after reading it with his boss. I’m sure he’s damn proud of his little girl!”

In her defense, our submitter believes the notes allegations to be more than a bit exaggerated. “I have never (that I can remember) regurgitated in the garage,” she says, adding, in the immortal words of Salt n Pepa: “If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight/IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”

This is to inform you that the tenant who lives on floor [redacted] appears to be having drug and alcohol problems.

→ 115 CommentsFILED UNDER: Chicago · danger · drizzunk · drugs · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Moms & Dads · neighbors · noise · nonsensical spacing · not-so-veiled threats · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police


Did you ever consider the possibility that…oh, never mind.

August 9th, 2007 · 71 comments

did you consider the possibility that...oh, never mind.

→ 71 CommentsFILED UNDER: California · e-mail · food · mold · office · questionable logic · San Francisco · sarcasm


Containing as much or as many as is possible or normal

August 8th, 2007 · 50 comments

In all fairness, says Brandi in Austin, “This note was written after our dishes became so caked with fungus that we had to buy new stuff. The smell was also REALLY bad.”

NOTICE!!! *Please Commence Immediately* To anyone who Lives, Naps, Shits, Farts, Eats, Sleeps, Fucks, Rests, OR DOES ANYTHING in this house: This is including but not limited to: Brandi, Summer, Keiran, Jason, Peter, Jonathan, Mary, ANYONE!! (Guests are not excluded) PLEASE DO NOT leave dirty dishes, old beer bottles, half eaten shit, or any trash strewn about the apt. If the trash can is full, PLEASE empty it and replace the bag. (If there any other questions about the definition of full, see m-w.com) Try to clean off any plates and dirty cups for placement in the dishwasher. The WHOLE COLLECTIVE would appreciate it greatly. Thank you, owners/operators

related: May the sanctity of the sink prevail!

→ 50 CommentsFILED UNDER: Austin · dishes · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · garbage · internet citation · lOWERCASE l · obnoxious definition · roommates · shit · Texas