Our anonymous submitter lives in a 30-story condo building in Chicago. Her father works in the same building, and received this note in the suggestion box.
“I found the letter slipped under my door one day,” she says. “My dad had put it there after reading it with his boss. I’m sure he’s damn proud of his little girl!”
In her defense, our submitter believes the notes allegations to be more than a bit exaggerated. “I have never (that I can remember) regurgitated in the garage,” she says, adding, in the immortal words of Salt n Pepa: “If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight/IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”
FILED UNDER: Chicago · danger · drizzunk · drugs · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Moms & Dads · neighbors · noise · nonsensical spacing · not-so-veiled threats · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police
FILED UNDER: California · e-mail · food · mold · office · questionable logic · San Francisco · sarcasm
In all fairness, says Brandi in Austin, “This note was written after our dishes became so caked with fungus that we had to buy new stuff. The smell was also REALLY bad.”
related: May the sanctity of the sink prevail!
FILED UNDER: Austin · dishes · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · garbage · internet citation · lOWERCASE l · obnoxious definition · roommates · shit · Texas
Jenn in San Francisco received this little from a then-roommate who she lived with for a year but barely ever saw or spoke to. Says Jenn, “She was rarely seen outside the confines of her own room and seemed to prefer communicating electronically and then, only when absolutely necessary. So you can imagine, she probably stewed on the issue for a very long time. ” (Click the image to enlarge.)
Adds Jenn: Guess how this flexible-thinking roommate paid her bills? “By conducting CULTURAL SENSITIVITY TRAINING COURSES TO CORPORATE EMPLOYEES.”
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · e-mail · energy usage · lighting · money · roommates · San Francisco · smiley · temperature
“Informing the building landlord about a sticky tap would probably have been a more sensible move than guilt-tripping the female staff into feeling responsible for global water shortages,” notes Rayya in Canterbury, Kent.
But it doesn’t end there. Says Rayya, “Not only are we responsible for global water shortages , but we’re breaking people’s limbs!”
FILED UNDER: bathroom · CAPS LOCK · danger · guilt trip · office · The Earth · U.K. · water
Amy in Seattle says her favorite part of the note is the children (Please, think of the children!) but I was most impressed by the use of both “being effected” and “being impacted” in a single sentence. Those loud, “vulgar-related” noises might, in fact, be the sound of English teachers around the world crying out in agony.
Then there’s this one, from William over at lowercase l. It was slipped into his mailbox in Brooklyn by a neighbor several years (and girlfriends) ago. considering the awkwardness of the situation, I find it’s actually quite civil. It’s interesting, though, how people feel the need to give elaborate, vaguely scientific justifications (the acoustical properties of the windows, REM sleep) for why they don’t want to hear you getting it on.
FILED UNDER: Brooklyn · neighbors · Seattle · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police
This note comes to us from an archaeological dig in the U.K. (Roman Silchester, to be precise), where our submitter says the planning team was quite worried about the writing instruments going the way of Ancient Rome.
FILED UNDER: stealing · U.K.
By popular demand, Ellen in Acton, Mass. has sent in a photo of the note that appeared next to the one about spitting in the water fountain on her gym’s suggestion board…
The original “no spitting” note has since been taken down, Ellen says. “In its place was one saying that people should stop focusing on the negative since the gym and the staff were really quite good.”
Since then, she adds, “O have not noticed any lugies in the drinking fountain. Progress?”
FILED UNDER: excessive underlining · gym · Massachusetts · odor
I’m just gonna let Ben from D.C. set this one up:
Last October, I moved from one apartment to another on fairly short notice. The kid I found on Craigslist to take my spot really wanted to move in a few days early, which was incredibly inconvenient for me. However, I agreed, so I spent most of Halloween weekend moving my stuff out. The one thing I couldn’t move was my futon, because it wouldn’t fit on top of my car. I figured he’d give me a little leeway though, since I’d done him a favor, and I came back to pick it up November 10. A week later I came home to find this amazing passive-aggressive e-mail from him:
FILED UNDER: a little uptight · Craigslist · D.C. · e-mail · money · moving/not moving · spelling and grammar police
Ellen in Acton, Mass. spotted this on the suggestion board at her gym.
At least they don’t have a Mad Bomber on the loose…yet.
FILED UNDER: group bitchfest · gym · Massachusetts · oh snap · spitting