Hendrix is the cat

June 21st, 2007 · 43 comments

No lols from this feline — just some lovely passive voice!

Our house is dirty. Cleaning needs to be done. Thanx, Hendrix

(Thanx to Megan in Michigan for submitting.)

related: Does the floor have the capability of sweeping itself?

 

→ 43 CommentsFILED UNDER: cats · cleaning · Michigan · passive voice · roommates · signed with love · whiteboard


Special people garage

June 21st, 2007 · 36 comments

This is a special note indeed. The idiosyncratic spelling, spacing, and bolding are fascinating — and I love how the third sentence is so rhetorical it doesn’t even deserve a question mark. I think what I enjoy most, however, is the after-the-fact realization that the desired action here just wasn’t quite explicit enough.

Special people stop leaving your garage [sic]in the sink. This is not your home this is a staff kitchen for all to use.  Why should other people have to clean up after you Please have respect for others. Please put your dishes in the dishwasher.

(Thanks to Molly in Washington, D.C. for submitting!)

related: The needy little dishwasher

→ 36 CommentsFILED UNDER: D.C. · dishes · dishwasher · kitchen · office · spelling and grammar police · that's disrespectful · You call that punctuation?


Killer cookie dough

June 20th, 2007 · 33 comments

Writes Lauren in Kansas: “My roommate is known for her notes towards me and our other roommate. We never touch each other’s food as is, but I guess she felt the need to threaten us to keep it that way. Inside the box? A ton of containers of frozen cookie dough.”

DO NOT EAT - if you do...you will DIE!! <3 Lacy

Sadly, Lacey’s earlier notes to Lauren and her roommates went unrecorded. Lauren’s personal favorite:

If you’re hot run around naked
If you’re cold put on sweatshirts
Do NOT touch the heater
Love, Lacey

→ 33 CommentsFILED UNDER: die bitch die · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · Kansas · not-so-veiled threats · roommates · signed with love · stealing


Four approaches to ice cube maintenance

June 20th, 2007 · 35 comments

Exhibit a) From Richmond, Virginia: the pedantic approach

How to Make Ice 1. If the ice tray is not empty — empty remaining cubes into white container on freezer door. (Please do not just fill the empty holes - it makes getting the frozen ones out impossible.) 2. Fill ice tray with water. 3. Put back in freezer

Exhibit b) From Minneapolis: the conditional approach

If you are unwilling to refill the ice cube trays, do not use the ice. Thanks in advance.

Exhibit c) From Hartford, Connecticut: the ALL for one and one for ALL approach

ICE. PLEASE TAKE ONLY A COUPLE OF ICE CUBES...These ice cubes are for ALL staff and for meetings. Please be sure that ice receptacle is pushed ALL the way BACK in the freezer!

Exhibit d) From Dallas: the federal government’s approach

Those that don't fill up the ice trays after emptying them, should be taken out and SHOT! RESPECT others...

(Thanks to Erik and Kim for their submissions.)

related: To the ICE GOBBLERS

→ 35 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · ice · office


Do the rest of us a favor

June 19th, 2007 · 88 comments

Looks like both the Mad Bomber and Richard G. Sells have West-coast counterparts:

favor.jpg

Grossed out? Yeah, me too. Blame Gregory in Los Angeles for documenting this one (!!!)

related: The Mad Bomber, Act 1: “Sorry about the language”

→ 88 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · die bitch die · ellipses-crazed · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · group bitchfest · Los Angeles · more aggressive than passive · office · piss · shit · that's disgusting · toilet


Some suggestions for the comfort of your guest

June 19th, 2007 · 55 comments

First, I’ll let Stephanie in Los Angeles explain the context for this one: “After a night of drinking, I let a friend of mine crash with me at my apartment. This friend, who does have her own apartment in the city, left with me in the morning, yet I still received this e-mail from my roommate later that day. This roommate hasn’t spoken to me in three months and communicates only in email.”

From: <redacted>@aol.com
To: <redacted>@hotmail.com
Subject: Guest
Date: Fri, 08 Jun 2007 16:00:31 -0400

Stephanie:

I assume Whitney is currently visiting. I apologize, but must say that in the situation you and I are currently in, I do not feel comfortable with you having a guest stay in our apartment while you are not present. But more so and more importantly, I do not feel comfortable with you having a guest in our apartment while I am home and you are not.

As I currently have summer hours at work, I will be home for the day at 2pm today. would like to respectfully request that you suggest to your guest that she go sightseeing and/or exploring the city from that time until the time you are to return from work.

As I have done my best to avoid the apartment for the last many months, you have had ample time to feel comfortable in our apartment without me being there. For the good majority of the last few months, the only time I ever have without you in the apartment is while you are at work. Now, with your friend there, I do not even have that. As it is only for today, while you are at work, I would really appreciate your friend not being in the apartment when I am and you are not.

Please understand that I am not trying to be mean, malicious, rude, vindictive or anything of the sort. I simply would like to enjoy some time alone in my own apartment without feeling uncomfortable at the presence of a guest of yours given the light of our current situation. If you’d like, I can give you some suggestions of places to have her visit during the day such as the Grove, Hollywood Blvd., the beach in Santa Monica, Venice, etc.

I’m sure on a beautiful day like today that she does not just want to lay in an apartment anyway. So if you already have her out roaming the city until you return from work, please disregard this email and thank
you immensely for your consideration.

-Angie

ps- could you please let me know how long Whitney is planning on
staying so I know if I will have to deal with this situation again next
week?? Thank you.

Adds Stephanie: “I just moved out of that apartment, and towards the end of my moveout day this roommate took some of my belongings and “donated” them to Goodwill. She said she didn’t think I needed them anymore.”

→ 55 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · e-mail · Los Angeles · p.s. · roommates


Please help! My roommate is a passive-aggressive!

June 19th, 2007 · 26 comments

“Apparently I was violating some building rules that annoyed my roommate,” says Alex in Waterloo, Ontario. “Rather than asking me in person, he wrote this on our front door for all to see.”

Please help! I am an imbecile! I am completely oblivious to others and have no regard for rules! Need help. (Will S.D. for money)

→ 26 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · college life · roommates · Waterloo


Really, enough with the weather

June 18th, 2007 · 65 comments

This one — from Cassandra in Toronto — makes me wince. Seriously, ouch.

Weather changes. Often. It's not always what you expect. Sometimes it is. Life is better if you are dressed appropriately for the weather. I think we have, pretty much, squared away the deal with weather.

→ 65 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · elevator · neighbors · rhetorical question · Toronto


The first thing I did when I woke up

June 16th, 2007 · 137 comments

The third paragraph of the first e-mail is the brilliant part…though I’m gonna have to side with Michelle’s roommate on this one.

eating my outback bread

no excuses

Adds Michelle: “that bread was fucking delicious.”

→ 137 CommentsFILED UNDER: bread · CAPS LOCK · Charlottesville · college life · e-mail · food · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2007 · not-so-veiled threats · p.s. · Virginia


“Servicing over a half-billion people…each and every day.”

June 15th, 2007 · 30 comments

From the Bay-area offices of Yahoo! HotJobs

Those programmers…so literal-minded, sometimes.

can u not uz hand lotion in toilet plz? work-wanks r creepy, thnx

(thiz onez fer u, slackferno.)

→ 30 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · double-entendre alert · kinda creepy · office · San Francisco · sex sex sex · shameless meme-mongering · toilet · Yahoo